Customs and Traditions

I'd like to walk alone

We're getting married in a nontraditional place, an architectural salvage store.  REALLY cool funky decor!  I'll be walking down stairs, and through an "aisle" of tables.  This is my second wedding, I've been divorced 7 years, and I'd really FEEL most comfortable walking by myself down the aisle.  FI thinks I ought to have my dad walk me.  It hasn't turned into an argument or anything, and if it's going to end up upsetting people, I'll walk with my dad.  But is there any way I can put it to make him better understand why I want it this way?  FWIW, I'm 30, he's 42. It's my second marriage, his first.  I don't want a bridal party, we're paying for things.  We've lived together for 2 years.  Nothing is super traditional.

Note: I was planning to ask my mom first if she thinks my dad will care.  Mom's as pragmatic as I am about most things, and I KNOW she won't care one way or the other.  My 2 younger sisters got married this year, so he's now "given away" all 3 of us once.  If she gives me the impression that he'd be hurt if I asked to walk alone, I won't do it.  But I kind of don't get why my FI has a preference. 

Re: I'd like to walk alone

  • We're getting married in a nontraditional place, an architectural salvage store.  REALLY cool funky decor!  I'll be walking down stairs, and through an "aisle" of tables.  This is my second wedding, I've been divorced 7 years, and I'd really FEEL most comfortable walking by myself down the aisle.  FI thinks I ought to have my dad walk me.  It hasn't turned into an argument or anything, and if it's going to end up upsetting people, I'll walk with my dad.  But is there any way I can put it to make him better understand why I want it this way?  FWIW, I'm 30, he's 42. It's my second marriage, his first.  I don't want a bridal party, we're paying for things.  We've lived together for 2 years.  Nothing is super traditional.

    Note: I was planning to ask my mom first if she thinks my dad will care.  Mom's as pragmatic as I am about most things, and I KNOW she won't care one way or the other.  My 2 younger sisters got married this year, so he's now "given away" all 3 of us once.  If she gives me the impression that he'd be hurt if I asked to walk alone, I won't do it.  But I kind of don't get why my FI has a preference. 
    Who you walk with is one of the things that you choose completely without taking anyone's input. It's YOUR choice. I can't understand why your FI gives a hoot about this. Tell him he can walk with whoever or no one if he wants and you'll do the same.

    Walk alone if you want to walk alone. It sounds like you're too worried about what everyone thinks. The decision is yours and it sounds like its been made. 
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    emmyg65doeydo[Deleted User]
  • I'm walking alone (my dad passed away a few years ago), and it's NBD.

    I've gotten a few comments about how I should have an uncle or my mom walk me instead, but frankly those peoples opinions don't matter, at least not on that subject.  I did ask my mom if it was important to her to do it, but she feels more comfortable seated and I would rather walk myself anyways.
  • Walking alone is ultimately fine.

    Why couldn't you ask your dad directly for his opinion (not your mom?!) Sorry, I just find that a bit odd :-)

    "Hey Dad, with the logistics at XYZ venue, it's probably easier if I just enter the ceremony unescorted. Is that okay with you?"

    Some dads are sentimental, so if he wants to, I would just let him escort you. Life is too short.
  • I get why FI could care. Wedding number 1 and wedding number 2 are sooo different lol. I am working on wedding number 2 and I am thinking if walking myself. I feel like other then FI, I'm the only one I've been able to depend on all the time ya know.

    That being said, because this is my second wedding and my FIs first (and only!) I want him to have everything he wants more then I really care. That is where I'm at on it. And if you have similar feelings (which it seems like you do) then I would just ask him flat out. I like to force FI to put life on a 1-10 scale and I react based on his number.

    So FI, on a scale of 1-10 how much do you care if I walk myself for the wedding?

    And then I would know that anything over 5 would be enough for me to give. Or whatever number you'd choose lol

    I do have to say that FI is very used to playing this game and knows that there is a number I'm looking for in my head that will tiptoe scales :) it helps him really think about his number instead of just throwing one out!
  • First, have a private conversation with your dad and see how he feels about it.  He may really like this new husband of yours and may want to be more part of the ceremony.  He may say that it is your choice and do what makes you happy.  Asking him is just a sign of respect and he deserves it.
  • My dad passed away a few years ago, and as much as I wish he could be here to walk me down the aisle he cant. My mom said I should ask one of my uncles, but I was thinking of either walking alone or with my daughter (she will be 5 at the time). My daughter is also my Flower girl? Suggestions?
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz
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    I think you're fine to walk alone if that's what you want.  I would ask your FI why it's important to him, though.  That seems a little strange and it's probably a good idea just to talk to him about it.  
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • Ask FI what about your dad walking you down the aisle means so much?  And maybe, just maybe if you want to compromise, have you dad meet you at the bottom of the stairs or at the "altar."   Personally, I don't think anything is wrong with walking alone.  This being my second wedding, I learned, do what YOU want (with your FI) parents / in laws, sometimes just want to win, and in the end, it is your day.

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