MOH

singer4292

removed

syoun1nj

It's not your MOH's job to help with the wedding or plan anything. Their job is to buy a dress of your choice in their budget and show up sober. MOHs usually also make a toast.

The wedding and planning is only your job and your fiance's. It is up to you if you want to "take it back" but it could be a friendship-ending move. Is it worth it to you to lose her friendship completely? Why can't you just have 2 MOHs?

doeydo

singer4292 said:

so i told my best friend that she could be my MOH a couple months before i was engaged. We have had a pretty long engagment and since then she has moved out of state and now we hardly talk! she is also never in town so i don't know how she can help with the wedding or plan anything. can i take back her status as my MOH and give it to my other friend who i have grown much closer too? How do i tell her with out hurting her? Please help!!

To the bolded: well you're in luck.  Being a bridesmaid or a MOH requires zero wedding planning or help.  It is an honour.  All she would need to do would be to buy a dress of your choice (you would need to ask her budget first and pick one that fits in it) and show up for your wedding day.  
Now, you did ask her before you were even engaged, but "taking back her status" as a MOH is quite rude and is usually a friendship ending move.  If you are closer to this other friend and would like her to be a MOH, then ask her to be one.  You can have multiple MOHs, which is perfectly fine.  

blancokm

Do not make distance the issue. I am the MOH for my best friend and we live 2000 miles apart. While I can be there in person for everything, I am as involved as I can be. While dress shopping her mom had me on Skype so I could be there with them. I am heading up planning her bridal shower and it is no different than if I lived down the street from the other ladies. And there is nothing wrong with having two MOHs if that is your preference.

Blue_Bird

singer4292 said:

so i told my best friend that she could be my MOH a couple months before i was engaged. We have had a pretty long engagment and since then she has moved out of state and now we hardly talk! she is also never in town so i don't know how she can help with the wedding or plan anything. If she wants to plan anything, she'll let you know. It's not the maid of honor's (or any bridesmaid's) job. can i take back her status as my MOH and give it to my other friend who i have grown much closer too? Absolutely not. That is extremely rude and hurtful.How do i tell her with out hurting her? You can't. Please help!!

Here's the bottom line. It looks like you're misinformed about what a bridesmaid is. That's not surprising since there are numerous wedding blogs and magazines set up to make money who give a list of "duties" for bridesmaids. Unfortunately, these people are not working in your best interest, nor do they care if you are rude to your friends and family. They are working in their best interests. A bridesmaid is not an unpaid job. It is a position of honor bestowed on someone whom you love and want to recognize. Their "duties" are during the ceremony. That's it. Anything else that they do for you is a voluntary bonus, and you should be grateful for it. Now that that's figured out, you can stop stressing out about silly things and enjoy planning your wedding with your fiance.

Edit: If she is no longer your "best friend" or your friend period, and you do not intend to see her at your wedding or ever again, by all means, continue with your plans to drop her as MOH.

AddieCake

You lost me when you were planning a wedding and asking people to be in your wedding party before you were even engaged. 

Rebl90

Okay, I'm late to this party, but I couldn't resist, you told her she could be a BM? Last time I checked you typically ask someone to be a MOH, not allow/inform them to hold the position....