Gay Weddings

Attire - Suddenly Getting Nervy

My parents have invited folks that I haven't seen for many, many years...not since my parents used to dress me.

I'm a trans* masc butch and will be in a 3 piece suit. Our wedding is about 7 weeks away, and I've just started to get jittery about some folks being completely surprised to see my parent's daughter in such masculine attire. I won't be changing a thing, but I'm interested to know if anyone else out there having a "Gay Wedding", struggled with feelings about this sort of thing.

Re: Attire - Suddenly Getting Nervy

  • We didn't struggle with this, but I can say, that I would bet that even if folks haven't seen you, they may have seen photos of you or heard through the grapevine that you are masculine appearing and it likely won't be a surprise.  Try not to let this stress you too much.
  • My fiancé is having a hard time deciding what to wear. She is certainly not a dress girl, but doesn't want to wear a suit either. It is hard for her to decide between going with the socal norm, or what she is most comfortable in.  I am supportive of her either way, and her family will be as well.

    I say, it is your day, be who you are!  Don't worry about anyone else!  If they have a problem, it is THEIR problem, not yours! Good luck!!!

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'm nervous in the fact that my fiance and I never kissed in front of 80 people before. We're out to our friends and family, many of whom have seen us together. However, we usually don't engage in PDA in our everyday lives. I heard from many newlyweds that the entire day goes by so fast, that one doesn't have the time to really consider what happens next. More likely, once the day begins, your initial "stage fright" will give way to all of the other activities going on - walking down the aisle, hearing the officiant, saying your vows, kiss, moving on to receptions, and so forth. But, if it helps, I intend to have either a nice margarita or sangria before my ceremony. One drink may help you relax. 

    Sunday, May 18, 2014 - Baltimore, Maryland

    "Each time you love, love as deeply as if it were forever" - Audre Lorde

  • I've found a couple of options for me that are a bit between the gender attire binary. I want to wear something that matches my fiance, in color or material. But we also have very different body shapes and skin tones so I don't want the attire to look so similar that attendees compare us and decide who looks better in what. She will probably wear a gown. I'm looking at suit jacket/skirt combos, fancy jacquard and embroidered suits, more conservative/boxy/high-neck dresses, and nice flowy blouses--that's what I think I'll be comfortable in. I guess if I wear a suit type of ensemble people might see me as the butch to my fiance's femme in this scenario, which is not who we are. But if I wore a gown, which I think I would also like, the people who know me as more masculine might be confused about that. There are pros and cons to every choice you make, and people will think what they will. I think you should feel as comfortable and happy as possible because it is your wedding after all.
  • We are also having discussions about the kiss.  We are out, but she is not big on PDA.  I try to tell her that in a straight wedding, the kiss is not even something that is considered, or remembered.  And,  I figure that if people are at the wedding, then they are supportive of us and will not be freaked out about 2 chicks kissing.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • My fiance will be wearing a suit and she hasn't tried any on yet. She is worried about the fit, she as never worn a suit, only dress pants with a button down.
  • @CaitieMay85, have your FI worn her suit in front of a friend and ask for his or her judgment? I have only worn a tuxedo once and wearing it is different than when I wear my business suit. I had one of my groomsmen join me at my tailor's studio and give me his opinion. 

    Sunday, May 18, 2014 - Baltimore, Maryland

    "Each time you love, love as deeply as if it were forever" - Audre Lorde

  • You both ought to wear whatever makes you most comfortable and happy. For example, I will almost certainly be wearing a dress, and my fiancee will definitely NOT be wearing a dress. She would be extremely uncomfortable in one, because she normally wears men's clothes and that's what makes her comfortable. No matter what she wears, she will be the most beautiful person I have ever seen :]
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