Friend since middle school asked to be BM

Kauris

I've decided to have two BMs, my friend I've known since middle school is not one. She told me last night at dinner, she assumed she would be in the top choices of people I would pick. I'm super close with one BM and very close with other. Middle school friend basically only talks to me when she breaks up with a BF or it's the holidays and I'm home. She said she would be really hurt if I didn't pick her. It's not that I don't care about her or want her to be a part of our wedding, but she and I are not as close and she's in another city. It's not a matter of evening up the sides either, my FI will only have one attendant.

So I will tell her at Thanksgiving (next time I'll be home). Any suggestions on how to soften the blow?

My mother suggested to ask her to do guest book, but that's just insulting.

Maggie0829

Honestly, I would not bring up the subject with her unless she brings it up first.  And then if she does, simply say that you are keeping the wedding party small but that you are looking forward to her being a guest and celebrating with you on your wedding day.

manateehugger

Well, she's being rude to assume she'll be a bridesmaid.

I agree with Maggie, stay miles away from the subject for as long as you can unless she brings it up and then just say that you wanted a very small wedding party but you're excited to have her attend the wedding. Avoid wedding talk with her in general as well. 

And yes, please please please don't give her a "job." Nothing would make her feel worse about not being a bridesmaid than being relegated to a unpaid employee at your wedding. Being a guest is an honor. 

kmmssg

kudos for recognizing the guest book is a crap job.  My generation ( your mom's generation) was conned for years that guest book attendant and cake server are honors. No, they are not, they are crap jobs.

Kauris

Thanks ladies! I've been reading on the boards since we got engaged and have gleaned a lot from the women on here. It's tremendously helpful. 

I also have been in eight weddings (in some role or another) so I know what I wouldn't ever put my friends through.

slgirl21

What is going on with people asking to be  a bridesmaid. Just don't bring it up again and if she mentions something say that you have chosen to only have two bridesmaids on your side, though can not wait to celebrate with her on your big day or if you feel a little on the bad side and if you are having readings done at the ceremony you can ask her to do a reading.

cowgirl8238

Honestly it is rude of her to ask.  If she brings it up I would tell her that she is a valued friend but you have chosen to keep an intimate bridal party (luckily you only have 2 BM so it shouldn't be too hard for her to understand) but you would love for her to come as a guest. 

There is also the option of having her do a reading instead, but that depends if you want someone to do one or not and if this will make her feel like its a consolation prize...good luck!