How to handle deceased parents/re-married parents on invitations

alygally

Hi all - I've got a question about wording on announcements/invitations. We have sort of complicated families, and I can't find anything that fits this very well! Any thoughts you have are greatly appreciated

My mom will be paying for the majority of the wedding, with my fiancé's mom chipping in the traditional amounts (flowers, rehearsal dinner, etc.). It's very important to my mom to have her name on the invitation - as in, "[Mom] requests the honor of your presence..." She is recently widowed, though, as my dad passed away not too long ago, so we're unsure whether to put his name on there as well.

My fiancé's parents are divorced, and both have re-married. His mother has a same-sex partner, and his father has another wife. His mom's partner has been a HUGE part of his life, so we can't just leave her off and put his parents' names on there alone. I suspect it should look like any other divorced/re-married family, but my conundrum is that I can't find much in the way of etiquette/suggestions that deal with the groom's parents being re-married - only the bride's.

Thoughts on either/both of these situations? Thanks

Jen4948

I'm very sorry for your loss.

This may not be what you want to hear, but...

Paying doesn't equal hosting for the purpose of weddings-but who the "point persons" - that is, who issues the invitations, receives the responses, greets the guests, and ensures that their needs are taken care of does.

Deceased parents are not named on invitations.  That's because they can't host and aren't the honorees.  That said, you can have a page in your program, if you are doing one, in which you can give your father a tribute.

Also, the purpose of the invitation isn't to map out the family trees or who's paying for what (which isn't any of the guests' business anyway).  It's to convey logistical information about the underlying event to your guests-the what, when, and where. 

With the remarriage issue as well, instead of naming all the parents, I'd use "Together with their families, Bride and Groom etc.

mysticl

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I was 15 when my dad died.  I would leave him off of the invite since he isn't hosting the event.  You could list him in the program under parents of the bride if you are doing those.  

As for your FI situation my suggestion would be:

 

Groom

son of

Mom and Mom's partner

and

Dad and Dad's wife

CTYankeeBride

The invitational line goes to the person/ people hosting which doesn't necessarily mean paying. The hosts are whoever is going to receive your guests and see to their comfort. If that is your mother, then it's her name without mention of your father as he is deceased and thus not hosting. 

If that is truly a combination of your motherr, FI's parents and their spouses/ partners, and you and FI or some combination of that, then "together with their parents" really is best. Otherwise you have an invite that reads:

Mrs. bride's mother 

Ms. Groom's mother 

Ms. Groom's mother's partner

Mr. and Mrs. Groom's father and wife 

Request the pleasure of your company (honor of your presence if the ceremony is in a house of worship) 

at the marriage of 

Bride name 

to 

Groom name . . . 

It starts to look like a Playbill at that point but that is how it would be done. FI's mother's name and her partner's name can be joined with "and" on one line if they are married, the same as heterosexual married couples but that's still 3 lines of who's who. 

You could possibly smooth this over with your mother by pointing out that FI's family has made an equally important contribution to his/ your lives (leave financial contributions to the wedding out of it as that's not how your name gets onto an invitation) and you would hate to seem as though you're being disrespectful of that.

southernbelle0915

As other PPs said, paying =/= hosting. Hosts go on the host line of the invitation. Anyone else you want to honor in print can go on your programs. 

It's possible the best solution for you is to either have yourselves has hosts or use "Together with their families" and then list parents and remembrances in your program. Does that make sense?

lovetulips04

I ran into the same problem & I went wedding paper divas.com (no spaces) & did a online chat with their experts. I got my answer & a really great wordin that we both liked!!

ohannabelle

I am in favor of "Together with their families." And I'm terribly sorry about your father. The sad fact is, there is no graceful way to include him on the invitation.

itzMS

You could do

Bride Fullname
and
Groom Fullname

Together with their families

Bridesmom Lastname
Groomsmom Lastname and Momspartner Lastname
Dadswife and Groomsdad Lastname

request the pleasure if your company blah blah...