Hostess...What is a hostess and what does she do?

raeah219

From what I have been told from my friends it really doesnt sound like a title of honor. It seems like a person to run around and do stuff for the bride. I dont want my friends "working" my wedding. 

melbelleup

a hostess is who hosts the party. Nothing more. What your friends are telling you is a DOC- day of coordinator. This person makes sure everything goes as planned, greet venders etc

raeah219

melbelleup said:

a hostess is who hosts the party. Nothing more. What your friends are telling you is a DOC- day of coordinator. This person makes sure everything goes as planned, greet venders etc

What do you mean by "host" the party. What should they actually do. What are the responsibilities of a hostess? 

nsweare

OP, I think I need more info. What exactly are your friends telling you? Generally the hostess is the person throwing the party, but based on your post it seems like this might be something different.

raeah219

Ok. My friends are telling me that I need 3 or 4 girls to have the title of hostess. They would pass out programs, make sure ppl sign the guest book, and run and get things I need. I just done like this job description. I wouldnt want to do it. lol

daria24

OP, this concept was foreign to me until I met a coworker who was from Atlanta, and it was a popular thing there. Basically it's an "honor" given to girls who you don't want to be BMs, as a way to include them. She told me it's their "job" to hand out programs, supervise the guest book, welcome people to the reception, and over all "get the party started." 

Personally, I think it's a heinous tradition. You aren't good enough to be a bridesmaid, but please buy the dress I select for you, and 'work' during my wedding. Just skip the practice, it doesn't honor anyone.

Jen4948

For wedding purposes, a host/ess is the "point person": s/he issues invitations to the guests, receives their responses, greets guests, and sees that their needs are taken care of.  It doesn't equal "the person/s paying" because it's possible to contribute money without doing the above things.

southernbelle0915

raeah219 said:

Ok. My friends are telling me that I need 3 or 4 girls to have the title of hostess. They would pass out programs, make sure ppl sign the guest book, and run and get things I need. I just done like this job description. I wouldnt want to do it. lol

Uhhhh no. People who run around and get things you  need are people you hire. Otherwise you get the things you need yourself. Your friends are way off base here. Good for you for questioning it. 

mrsbizzz

My mother expects me to have a host and hostess (she is suggesting my aunt an uncle who recently hosted my cousin's wedding) at my wedding to do things exactly like that - make sure people sign the guest book, make sure people make it from church to reception site, transfer a few items from church to reception site, guide people into the main reception room after cocktail hour. She claims that even with my wedding planner, things like this will need to be done. She also claims that my relatives expect it and would be happy to do it for me...aunt and uncle were thrilled to have a role in my cousin's wedding.

Even though they might be thrilled, I am not sold. I am sure it will be a last minute, back up against the wall sort of decision for me. I just don't believe in giving family members b***h work just because.

Maggie0829

I'm sorry but your friends are ill informed.  Just ignore them.  Everything they are describing is completely unnecessary.

If you want someone running around and getting you stuff and making sure everything is going as plan then hire (and pay) a DOC.

raeah219

Maggie0829 said:

I'm sorry but your friends are ill informed.  Just ignore them.  Everything they are describing is completely unnecessary.

If you want someone running around and getting you stuff and making sure everything is going as plan then hire (and pay) a DOC.

Thats exactly what I said!!! I told them that for one, Im not a diva and cant imagine what I would need people to "run and get me" and that if I want someone to make sure things are going well then I will hire a coordinator. My friends that aren't bridesmaids will be guests. 

kitty8403

So this is like the female version of an usher? Why not just have ushers? O.o

Liatris2010

drmrs2014 said:

My mother expects me to have a host and hostess (she is suggesting my aunt an uncle who recently hosted my cousin's wedding) at my wedding to do things exactly like that - make sure people sign the guest book, make sure people make it from church to reception site, transfer a few items from church to reception site, guide people into the main reception room after cocktail hour. She claims that even with my wedding planner, things like this will need to be done. She also claims that my relatives expect it and would be happy to do it for me...aunt and uncle were thrilled to have a role in my cousin's wedding.

Even though they might be thrilled, I am not sold. I am sure it will be a last minute, back up against the wall sort of decision for me. I just don't believe in giving family members b***h work just because.

People are capable of signing the guestbook without assistance, the DJ can remind them if mom is worried about someone forgetting. You can include directions with your invitations as well as print out some directions and leave them at the ceremony site. Anyone who forgot their directions and didn't get a copy at church will pick up the phone and call someone for directions. I have never once heard of a guest getting lost in between the cocktail and reception spaces when they were in the same building. Your guests are not brain-dead, they can do all these things on their own, you should tell your mother as much. No one wants to be herding guests when they can be drinking and dancing.

MairePoppy

raeah219 said:

Ok. My friends are telling me that I need 3 or 4 girls to have the title of hostess. They would pass out programs, make sure ppl sign the guest book, and run and get things I need. I just done like this job description. I wouldnt want to do it. lol

I agree. I'd rather relax and enjoy the party, rather than run and get things for the bride or sit with the guest book.

If you don't know what a 'hostess' is then you probably don't need one or several.

Blue_Bird

This is popular in some Southern and African-American circles. Don't fall for it OP. It's code for Wedding Day Bitch.

MyNameIsNot

daria24 said:

OP, this concept was foreign to me until I met a coworker who was from Atlanta, and it was a popular thing there. Basically it's an "honor" given to girls who you don't want to be BMs, as a way to include them. She told me it's their "job" to hand out programs, supervise the guest book, welcome people to the reception, and over all "get the party started." 

Personally, I think it's a heinous tradition. You aren't good enough to be a bridesmaid, but please buy the dress I select for you, and 'work' during my wedding. Just skip the practice, it doesn't honor anyone.

Your friend lied to you.  I've been to more than a dozen weddings since I've moved to Atlanta and have never seen this.  I've also never seen it mentioned on the local Atlanta board, and I was very active there while planning.  It may be done, but it isn't popular here.  

OP, the hostess is the person who hosts your wedding.  Sometimes that means the person who pays, but it really means the person who does the inviting.  In normal circumstances, the host/hostess would be some combination of bride & groom and their parents.  

Asking someone to hand out programs and otherwise work your wedding is mean, no matter what sort of title you call them.  

esev624

I don't see anything wrong with this.  After talking with my future in-laws and their friends, this was a popular thing to do when they got married.  We're going to ask a close couple from both of our sides to assist in this type of "host" way.  Both couples are very chatty, know most of the guests, and will make people feel greeted and appreciated when they arrive at the reception venue.  Everyone should arrive within 30-40 minutes, so they'll still have plenty of time to mingle and enjoy the party.

If it's not natural for you or feels like you're making people do extra work, absolutely scrap this idea like many others said.  This is something that certainly isn't needed but is helpful if you have family friends who enjoy helping in this way.

macoss

What I was taught what the Hostess does is :
Great Guests upon arrival make sure they get their favors, make sure no one steals from the card box, make sure they guests know where they are going.  I have never been involved in or been to a weeding where the hostess was the brides slave.  But really, it depends on who the bride is and what she expects from people.  Your hostess could just be your gift table security if you wanted and then they take it out to a location where  your stuff will be safe.  Even if they don't get the title of hostess someone has to do those jobs like making sure everything is running smoothly.  Someone will be always doing the brides bidding regardless of whether they have a title or not.

Maggie0829

macoss said:

What I was taught what the Hostess does is :
Great Guests upon arrival make sure they get their favors, make sure no one steals from the card box, make sure they guests know where they are going.  I have never been involved in or been to a weeding where the hostess was the brides slave.  But really, it depends on who the bride is and what she expects from people.  Your hostess could just be your gift table security if you wanted and then they take it out to a location where  your stuff will be safe.  Even if they don't get the title of hostess someone has to do those jobs like making sure everything is running smoothly.  Someone will be always doing the brides bidding regardless of whether they have a title or not.

Yeah it is called a DOC or a venue staff member or someone else you hire.  Not a family member or friend.

lc07

Maggie0829 said:

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macoss said:

What I was taught what the Hostess does is :
Great Guests upon arrival make sure they get their favors, make sure no one steals from the card box, make sure they guests know where they are going.  I have never been involved in or been to a weeding where the hostess was the brides slave.  But really, it depends on who the bride is and what she expects from people.  Your hostess could just be your gift table security if you wanted and then they take it out to a location where  your stuff will be safe.  Even if they don't get the title of hostess someone has to do those jobs like making sure everything is running smoothly.  Someone will be always doing the brides bidding regardless of whether they have a title or not.

Yeah it is called a DOC or a venue staff member or someone else you hire.  Not a family member or friend.

Exactly what Maggie said. We hired a security guard who acted as bouncer / enforcer / gift table monitor / will-take-people-down-if-something-crazy-happens-person and a coordinator who made sure everyone knew where to go and that things were running smoothly. It's rude to ask your guests to work at your wedding. Can you imagine if you had to hang out watching the gift table at a wedding all night instead of enjoying the party? wtf.

kmmssg

I wish I wasn't familiar with this but I am, although I am far more familiar with the title of Master and Mistress of Ceremonies.  I have seen it many times and about 30ish years ago ex-h and I were just that at a wedding.  I was so freaking exhausted when I got home I thought I was gonna go comatose.

What we did is basically what I pay a DOC to do for my DDs.  My BFF's DD got married in November and this is still a big thing in her family as well as many in their church.  The bride asked a couple from church to do this and they were crazy honored.  If I hadn't been there and been in the thick of what was going on I would have said they were blowing smoke up somebody's backside, but they thought it was the bees knees.  Since that wedding was a train wreck like none I have ever seen I am still amazed.

All that being said OP, the advice you have gotten here is spot on - this is no honor and you are already on the way to being a considerate bride to recognize that this really equates to Bridal Bitch.  Good for you for having clear eyes and common sense!