Dollar dance

JCbride2015

My wedding is over a year away, so I have plenty of time to think about this.  But Fi just mentioned to me that he wants me to do the dollar dance at our wedding.  Apparently his family always does it.  I have a few problems with this:

1) Not sure where this tradition came from.  Catholic?  Sicilian?

2) I am a terrible dancer.

3) I don't want people touching me to put money in my dress-- it will probably be strapless.  Are his uncles going to be sticking dollar bills down my cleavage??

But my #1 concern is that this seems like a tacky money-grab to me because, well... you are literally dancing for money.  Has anyone else seen this at a wedding?  Do guests find it fun, or is it as awkward as I'm picturing it?  Some of my worries might just be misdirected because I've never seen this happen.

doeydo

Dollar dance = asking for money.  Asking for money = rude.

daria24

It's a Polish/Eastern European thing, but I've been to a dozen+ dollar dance weddings, and not ONCE has it involved pinning money on the bride. The MOH/BM always have a container/hat/bag of some sort that you put your money in before dancing. It's such a common thing where I'm from that no one bats an eye, but my husband grew up 80 miles away from me, had never heard of the tradition, and was appalled at the idea. 

 I think I've seen on here that pinning money on the bride is a Greek tradition. 

If you are uncomfortable with doing the dollar dance, then your discomfort trumps your FI's desire to do it. 

leelabear

I come from a family that does the money dance. I would feel weird dancing for money. My FI doesn't like the idea either. So we are not going to do it. Most of our guests are already spending a lot of money to travel to a different state to see us wed.

My mom wants me to do it. My brother suggested it too because they made a lot of money during his wedding that way. I still think its tacky. People tell me its an Italian thing but I don't know. If you do decide to do it, give the DJ pins (the ones with the pearl ends) to give out after he announces that you will be doing the money dance.  

We also are not doing the garter toss. Sorry, but listening to the mission impossible song while my new husband sticks his head up my dress to take a garter off with his teeth, all while my grandparents watch... well that's a memory I dont need.

JCbride2015

Okay, thanks for confirming that I'm not out-of-line about opposition to the dollar dance thing.  It seems tacky to me, as well.

And I've also said no garter.... also not a memory I want to have!!

Jen4948

I think not wanting to do a dollar dance trumps tradition.

Tell your FI, "I'm sorry, but this is a tradition I am not comfortable with because from where I and my side sit, it's considered rude.  Please let your family know that it isn't going to happen."  You might also ask him, by way of compromise, if there are other (non-offensive) traditions that his family enjoys, and perhaps incorporate one or more of these into your reception.

melbelleup

It's an italian thing at least in my area. It's very common to do. You have a money bag (eta: MOH has the bag) nooo pinning anywhere. It's just 1-2 minutes dancing with people at your wedding. It lets people talk to you a little more. It's traditionally done to polka music. It's just slow dancing, nothing fancy. People do a shot (eta: groomsmen hand out the shots) and dance with the bride and/or groom.

Lauderdale Pink

I am not one to judge another family's tradition, but the description melbellup gives makes it seem more do-able.  I had never heard of it before this, and it sounded uncomfortable at first.  But if it is really just an extra dance with guests, and it is common among the guests, her version sounds very appropriate. 

mysticl

It's very common where my family is from.  Every time I've seen it someone holds a bag to collect the money in.  I've also seen it done where both the bride and groom dance.  While the polka is the traditional dance I've known people to use slow songs since not everyone knows how to polka.  No one seemed to have a problem with it since there was a long line to dance with the bride and in some cases the groom every time I've seen it done.  Since it is a tradition where my family is from it doesn't bother me to see it done.  However, we didn't do it at our wedding since it wasn't a tradition for my husband's family or many of our friends.  I also didn't want to take the time out of the reception to do it.  Bottom line if it makes you uncomfortable or your family/friends would find it tacky opt out.  

MyNameIsNot

I agree with you that it's tacky.  I've seen one in person.  It was tradition in the groom's family but not the bride's.  A few of the groom's aunts danced with him, but mostly people stood around and gawked or whispered to each other trying to figure out why the couple was asking for money.  

misssunshine17

Eeeek, don't do it. 

JCbride2015

Thanks everybody.  Pretty sure I won't do this because it's not tradition on my side of the family, so I think people would just be confused or think it's tacky.  For Fi's Italian family, this would be very normal.

southernbelle0915

Your instincts are right. Don't do this - its a money grab. Just let him know its a tradition you aren't comfortable with so you'd like him to respect that.

cjdoster16

My MOH had it at her wedding; her DH is Polish so they did an apron dance. Honestly, all it was was throw in a dollar into an apron that his godmother wore and held up and you got to dance with the bride. It was incredibly popular at her wedding--there was a line all around the room waiting to throw in a dollar and dance with her, both boys and girls. At the end, the groom walked up to the aunt, threw in his wallet into the apron, then picked up his bride and walked her out. However, we all knew about it before hand, so no one was surprised and we all knew that it wasn't required to participate, AND it was super fun.

It's really going to depend on the people who will be there. Though I agree with the above posters--don't do anything you are uncomfortable doing at your wedding, whether it be a dollar dance, a garter toss, using traditional vows, etc.

netskyblue2

It was very common where I grew up (though not common where we live now, so def not doing one).  I've always seen it done where the MOH and Best Man collect the dollar from the person at the front of each line.  It was not unusual for close family members to give $10, $20, $50 for the dance, but most people expected it to be done, and got enough dollar bills for everyone in the family (including kids) to get a dance with the bride or groom.  Sometimes both!

The guests didn't have a full song with the bride or groom, just a minute or so, and the next guest would be waved forward by the MOH or best man.  It is a nice chance for the bride & groom to have a moment with each guest, if they like dancing.  You don't have to do it for money, you could ask that each guest write a piece of advice on an index card as their "admission" to the dance, or a baby name, or something like that IF you want to continue the tradition without money-grabbing.  OR just announce that the bride and groom will dance with their guests, please get in line if you want a spin around the floor with one of them.

But unless both sides of the family and all the guests are familiar with the tradition, I'd probably say don't do it in any form.

ahende04

My family does this at every wedding, but in different ways. If there is money involved some family will give money here in order to not be recognized for the amount given (not uncommon for my aunts to give 20-50 dollars for a one minute spot with the groom, but not want it to be known it is from them). Some family members have done it without the money, just a time frame and the DJ announces next as the bride and groom dances with those in the line as a chance to make sure each guest has a chance to spend a few extra moments with the bride or groom. I have never seen anyone place money on the bride or groom, there is always a bag or hat to collect the money in.

I do not think it has to involve money which makes it seem like a money grabbing tactic, but I will be doing a line for dancing with the bride and groom so I get more time with each guest

Blergbot

MyNameIsNot said:

I agree with you that it's tacky.  I've seen one in person.  It was tradition in the groom's family but not the bride's.  A few of the groom's aunts danced with him, but mostly people stood around and gawked or whispered to each other trying to figure out why the couple was asking for money.  

That would totally be me standing around gawking, as I had never seen or even heard of one of these before joining tk. Wouldn't know what the hell was going on.

Blergbot

netskyblue2 said:

It was very common where I grew up (though not common where we live now, so def not doing one).  I've always seen it done where the MOH and Best Man collect the dollar from the person at the front of each line.  It was not unusual for close family members to give $10, $20, $50 for the dance, but most people expected it to be done, and got enough dollar bills for everyone in the family (including kids) to get a dance with the bride or groom.  Sometimes both!

The guests didn't have a full song with the bride or groom, just a minute or so, and the next guest would be waved forward by the MOH or best man.  It is a nice chance for the bride & groom to have a moment with each guest, if they like dancing.  You don't have to do it for money, you could ask that each guest write a piece of advice on an index card as their "admission" to the dance, or a baby name, or something like that IF you want to continue the tradition without money-grabbing.  OR just announce that the bride and groom will dance with their guests, please get in line if you want a spin around the floor with one of them.

But unless both sides of the family and all the guests are familiar with the tradition, I'd probably say don't do it in any form.

To the bolded: please no! I would roll my eyes at a baby shower--but at a wedding. No! Just no.

jdluvr06

We're doing a version of the dollar dance. I'm not big into dancing but it was a big deal to FI's family and they haven't really asked a lot to be included so I didn't feel bad granting this one request. We aren't using real money though. We're going to get some play money and do it.

Lily9911

JCBride2014 said:

My wedding is over a year away, so I have plenty of time to think about this.  But Fi just mentioned to me that he wants me to do the dollar dance at our wedding.  Apparently his family always does it.  I have a few problems with this:

1) Not sure where this tradition came from.  Catholic?  Sicilian?

2) I am a terrible dancer.

3) I don't want people touching me to put money in my dress-- it will probably be strapless.  Are his uncles going to be sticking dollar bills down my cleavage??

But my #1 concern is that this seems like a tacky money-grab to me because, well... you are literally dancing for money.  Has anyone else seen this at a wedding?  Do guests find it fun, or is it as awkward as I'm picturing it?  Some of my worries might just be misdirected because I've never seen this happen.

Nope it's tacky, don't do it. That's like having a money tree at your wedding. And I know of someone who has had a money tree at their wedding. 

JCbride2015

Yeah, this is not gonna happen.  Fi is disappointed but the tacky factor is just too much for me.  Thanks!

moanamt

I've seen the money dance at every wedding I've attended. It's not at all like anything that's been described above but is instead a Philipinno/polynesian tradition that is popular in Hawaii. Guest tuck money in random places on both the groom and bride who have to retrieve it from their partner using only their mouth. Gross, I know but funny to watch and entertaining. I've seen guest get creative by tucking money in whatever items either the bride or groom are wearing. The money is then dropped on the floor and picked up after the dance. As a personal choice I will not be doing this money dance at our wedding but I think it's your choice. 

Jen4948

moanamt said:

I've seen the money dance at every wedding I've attended. It's not at all like anything that's been described above but is instead a Philipinno/polynesian tradition that is popular in Hawaii. Guest tuck money in random places on both the groom and bride who have to retrieve it from their partner using only their mouth. Gross, I know but funny to watch and entertaining. I've seen guest get creative by tucking money in whatever items either the bride or groom are wearing. The money is then dropped on the floor and picked up after the dance. As a personal choice I will not be doing this money dance at our wedding but I think it's your choice. 

Being "your choice" does not absolve this of rudeness, and for many, NOT "funny to watch and entertaining at all."  Sounds very frat-partyish and immature, not to mention unsanitary, which is not how I at least want to appear at a wedding reception where persons like my boss and co-workers and others with whom I need to appear mature and dignified may be present.

abbyj700

This is super popular where I grew up and is best described how melbelleup describes it - always involving a shot. Neither my sister nor brother did it in their weddings this year and I honestly think some of my family was confused on why not. My uncle actually handed the money to my sister and explained they had brought it for them in thoughts of the dance and wanted to make sure they got their extra gift. 

As someone else mentioned - with my family - many guests give upward of $20-$50 and spread $1 out to all of the kids so they can participate.

Still not sure if we'll do it - but if I know our friends - any chance to do a shot and dance with the bride and groom to talk for a moment they will love. 

theartistformerlyknownas

I don't remember where I heard it (Four Weddings maybe?) or which culture it was that did it, but I heard somewhere that when they do the one where they throw money on the floor during a dance, the money is used to tip the band. Maybe that's a happy medium you can agree on?? Still kind of a money grab since you'd likely still be tipping the band otherwise, but not quite as blatant.

I've witnessed/participated in it several times the way it was described with the MOH and best man holding hats to put your cash in, and dancing with the bride or groom. Was very well received and nobody seemed to think it was tacky, even though I believe the understanding then was that the money would go toward their honeymoon, but I definitely won't be having it at my wedding.

vh2014

We won't be doing this either.  I've seen it done a lot, and I am just not comfortable with it.  The funniest I saw is where they made it a competition between the bride and groom and the one with the most money in the hat won... which I thought was even tackier...but funny.  Not at my wedding though.

We are going to do the longest married dance where they start with all married couples and ask anyone who has been married less than a day to get off the floor (B&G) and then less than a year, 5 years, and so on until the couple who have been married the longest remain on the floor.  Then that couple is asked to give a piece of advice to the newly married couple.  I thought it was sweet. Gets your "older guests" on the floor and involved, which I also thought was nice. 

Jen4948

valharte said:

We won't be doing this either.  I've seen it done a lot, and I am just not comfortable with it.  The funniest I saw is where they made it a competition between the bride and groom and the one with the most money in the hat won... which I thought was even tackier...but funny.  Not at my wedding though.

We are going to do the longest married dance where they start with all married couples and ask anyone who has been married less than a day to get off the floor (B&G) and then less than a year, 5 years, and so on until the couple who have been married the longest remain on the floor.  Then that couple is asked to give a piece of advice to the newly married couple.  I thought it was sweet. Gets your "older guests" on the floor and involved, which I also thought was nice. 

It sounds sweet, but I'd make sure that that "longest married couple" is okay with it.  That couple may not appreciate being singled out in that way...especially if there has been any trouble in their marriage recently. 

vh2014

My family is full of very happily married couples that have been married a LONG time... like 60+ years.  They pride themselves on it and I think my older relatives actually prep for it.  We did this at my cousin's wedding and it was a hit. My mom and dad beat out the brides mom and dad at a wedding they went to and my mom has been talking about it since. My dad's piece of advice: "your wife is always right and let her handle the money".  Hahaha.  But you are absolutely right. I think like everything else, you have to know your audience... in this case your guests. 

sarahs616

We are going to do a version of it- for a chance to get to dance and mingle with everyone- it gets everyone out of their seats and makes older relatives feel like they can be included- we are just calling it a "bridal dance" with no expectation of receiving any money, just having fun : ) I do agree you have to know your audience though!

flyingfoxes

Anything to do with begging for money - I'm not interested in having at my wedding.  My best friend mentioned that her cousin got married and set up a honeymoon fund website and got quite a bit of money that way and would I like for her to find out how he did it?  I was horrified - no, no, no!  It's not my guests' job to fund my wedding or honeymoon.  If they want to give gifts or cash, great - but I'm sure not going to put my hand out for either!

 

I also don't want to do the garter toss...I'm leaning towards not doing the bouquet toss either - as a single woman, I always cringed and hid during that part of receptions.

Fairyjen1

    We aren't having one because we are only having a 20 person wedding.These are common in my family, but even if I were having a larger wedding I wouldn't have one. I'm not personally offended by them, but I never participate either. 

  

   Thing is, even though I KNOW my family would be good with it, there's friends and FIs family that I don't know. So even if 95% of our guests are good with it, since this is an etiquette issue, I wouldn't do it for the 5% that found it offensive.