Moms and Maids

Sick Mom with difficult request- need advice

My mom has been sick since I was 8 (I'm 24 now) but 2 years ago she became seriously ill and bed-ridden. We were very close before this happened but I live and am getting married 5 hours away from where my parents live. Whenever I try to talk to my mom about the wedding she gets very upset or yells at me. I have been engaged for almost 7 months now and just recently my mom has gotten very upset that my little brother is not a groomsmen, he's an usher. We have already asked everyone to be in our bridal party and it know I could just add one more but I have NO one else that I want to be in the wedding and I don't want anyone to think I am asking hem because I need a body. I know she is upset but I feel like it is too late to do something about it. Not to mention the fact that my brother and fiancé are not close at all and I am not close with him either. Any thoughts??

Re: Sick Mom with difficult request- need advice

  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird Bawlmer member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    I am so sorry to hear about your mother. Is she upset about the wedding being so far away? Do you live far away or is it a destination wedding?

    I am not a fan of kowtowing to family (even if they are ill), but  I was going to suggest you ask your brother to be your attendant. Asking him to be an usher doesn't seem like much of an honor to me. I guess since you aren't close to him though, this doesn't make sense. I would have just invited him as a guest, but you've already asked him to be an usher. By the way, you don't need to ask anyone to "match" your brother if that's your hesitation for asking him to be in the bridal party.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'm sorry that your mother is ill and that she has been making your wedding planning tough.

    That said, I'd just tell your mother, "FI is aware that you're not happy about it, but it isn't up to me who the groomsmen and ushers are.  It's adding to not just my, but your stress too, at a time when neither of us needs it.  I'd really appreciate it if we can consider the subject closed even though you're unhappy."
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    If YOU want him in the wedding party, have him stand on your side. If not, ditto Jen.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    It really comes down to what you want... you could really go either way with it... Sorry, that's not really a helpful answer.  But, you know your family dynamic, we don't, so only you would know how your family would react to either decision or how hurt they would be.

    In regards to not having anyone else to ask as BM, you don't have to have equal number of bridesmaids & groomsmen.  For my upcoming wedding, I have 2 maid-of-honors and my FI has only his best man.  And now we've been debating whether to have my niece as BM or FG (we have our other 3-year-old niece as FG also), since we want to include her.  Having the wedding party too lopsided was a consideration, but we decided that it really doesn't matter, so I think we will make her a Jr. BM.  So, that leaves us with 3 BM vs. 1 GM... and I don't see any problem with that.  We plan to have GM up front already and just have BM's walk down aisle, so it doesn't really matter if they match up.


  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    If you want your brother to be an usher then I would leave him an usher. I would not tell your mom that FI doesn't want him as a GM though. No need to put your FI in the middle of your family issues and make your mom mad at him. If you don't want him as one then you need to tell her you don't want him as one.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Also, know that if your FI does end up asking your brother to be in the wedding party, you in no way need to find someone else to stand on your side because sides do not have to be even.

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