Ready to just go to the Courthouse :(

kokomo316

Our wedding is December 28 and I am just at the point where I "just want to get it over with".  We are getting married in my hometown, which is two states away.  I have been having a hard time emotionally because both of my parents are dead and my only sister and I haven't spoken in almost a year (long standing issues).  My only guests are my two teen daughters (my bridesmaids), my stepdad and a few (like five) childhood friends.  My fiancée's family will all be there.  As the date gets closer I wish we really had decided to just go to the courthouse instead of having a real wedding. 

I moved to our area less than a year ago and I don't have any close friends yet.  No one to giggle with over dresses or shoes.  No one to help me at all.  My fiancée hasn't been very much.  It's been a pattern of asking him to do something and then waiting for a long time for him to do it before I do it myself.  Right now, I am waiting for him to send his personal vows to the minister.  I CAN'T do that myself.  He says he doesn't care about details so he has left them all to me.

His family is really tight-knit but I'm not part of "The Clan" yet.  No one has offered any help, even my FMIL.  I don't know how I'm going to get everything done the day of the wedding by myself.  How am I supposed to set up the entire ceremony and reception areas AND get my hair and make up done AND have all the photos taken in a few hours?  I'm afraid to rely on my fiancée to do much.

Instead of this being fun and joyful, it's been so stressful and sad.

 

Lizzieyounce

Perhaps consider hiring a DOC.  He or she would be responsible for getting the ceremony site and reception venue set up for the festivities.  Plus they would run the timeline (and even help set the timeline with your input) of the day, freeing you up to have a good time.  H and I had a budget wedding, but a DOC was very important to us, so it was worth the price.

deannagirly

I would definitely consider getting a DOC. Especialy in your case. FI and I are running off to the courthouse parse, it's not an actual courthouse, but something similar. We're just going to have our parents there, then afterwards we're going to go ahead and get together with the family for a dinner. So much less stress.

kokomo316

I completely lost it yesterday.  I had a meltdown in front of FI.  I told him that this had become MY wedding instead of OUR wedding because he hasn't actually been involved either pragmatically or emotionally.  I said I wanted to cancel the wedding. 

He immediately went into "fix her" mode and started saying he would do everything the day of the wedding.  I told him that based on his nature I would still be completely stressed out because he always lets time get away from him (his words).  Then I began a litany of what needed to be done.  Florist, DJ, Ceremony decoration, Reception decorations, paying people, photos...;.ect.  He said "Oh, yeah.  I won't remember all that.  Even if I write it down."

He has know pledged to do one thing, hire the limo.  I am not crossing my fingers.  He still hasn't sent his personal vows yet.  Even after PROMISING me he would do it by yesterday.  I'm at the point, if he doesn't send them today, I am going to write them myself and send them.  Period. 

I've contacted a wedding planner to see if she will do DOC. 

delujm0

kokomo316 said:

Our wedding is December 28 and I am just at the point where I "just want to get it over with".  We are getting married in my hometown, which is two states away.  I have been having a hard time emotionally because both of my parents are dead and my only sister and I haven't spoken in almost a year (long standing issues).  My only guests are my two teen daughters (my bridesmaids), my stepdad and a few (like five) childhood friends.  My fiancée's family will all be there.  As the date gets closer I wish we really had decided to just go to the courthouse instead of having a real wedding. 

I moved to our area less than a year ago and I don't have any close friends yet.  No one to giggle with over dresses or shoes.  No one to help me at all.  My fiancée hasn't been very much.  It's been a pattern of asking him to do something and then waiting for a long time for him to do it before I do it myself.  Right now, I am waiting for him to send his personal vows to the minister.  I CAN'T do that myself.  He says he doesn't care about details so he has left them all to me.

His family is really tight-knit but I'm not part of "The Clan" yet.  No one has offered any help, even my FMIL.  I don't know how I'm going to get everything done the day of the wedding by myself.  How am I supposed to set up the entire ceremony and reception areas AND get my hair and make up done AND have all the photos taken in a few hours?  I'm afraid to rely on my fiancée to do much.

Instead of this being fun and joyful, it's been so stressful and sad.

 

Please do not say thigs like this, it is extremely offensive to people who got married at the JOP.  a JOP wedding IS A REAL WEDDING.  The only requirement for it to be a "real wedding" is that you become legally married.  You aren't upset about your "real" wedding, you're upset about the crazy hoop-la involved with today's expectations of what a wedding reception should be.  it is completely acceptable to get married at the JOP with only close family in attendance, and then take them to a restaurant for dinner afterwards. That is a real wedding.

 

That having been said, it sounds like you need a wedding coordinator to assist you with set-up for the wedding that you have planned.  Either a day-of coordinator or month-of coordinator would make this easier on you.  FWIW, no one but you and your FI should be expected to "help" with anything on your wedding day, and ou'll both be plenty busy beforehand - this is why coordinators exist.  Just hire one to put your mind at ease so you can do your beauty appointments, pictures, etc without worrying about everything else that needs to be done and arranged.

zitiqueen

kokomo316 said:

I completely lost it yesterday.  I had a meltdown in front of FI.  I told him that this had become MY wedding instead of OUR wedding because he hasn't actually been involved either pragmatically or emotionally.  I said I wanted to cancel the wedding. 

He immediately went into "fix her" mode and started saying he would do everything the day of the wedding.  I told him that based on his nature I would still be completely stressed out because he always lets time get away from him (his words).  Then I began a litany of what needed to be done.  Florist, DJ, Ceremony decoration, Reception decorations, paying people, photos...;.ect.  He said "Oh, yeah.  I won't remember all that.  Even if I write it down."

He has know pledged to do one thing, hire the limo.  I am not crossing my fingers.  He still hasn't sent his personal vows yet.  Even after PROMISING me he would do it by yesterday.  I'm at the point, if he doesn't send them today, I am going to write them myself and send them.  Period. 

I've contacted a wedding planner to see if she will do DOC. 

Are you planning to be his wife or his mother?