Not Engaged Yet

Could you know this much?

I was shocked when my friend told me that she knows her BF is going to propose on Friday at a winery with the ring she's wanted. She knew every detail down to the last bit for a couple weeks before hand. I could never know that much. I totally didn't when FI proposed since it was spontaneous, but even when he presents the ring to me, I have no idea when that will be. I would be so anxious and going crazy if I knew exactly what day and when my BF was proposing. This is nothing against girls who knew about their proposals, but would you want to know that much?

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Re: Could you know this much?

  • I personally wouldn't want to know at all! I like the idea of it being a surprise.

    That said I kinda knew that my FI was going to propose on the day he did, but that is because he unintentionally gave it away.  Namely he mentioned he was tight on money and had a higher credit card balance then he would like.  Followed by asking me if we could go on a date night (sort of) out of the blue.  It wasn't like OMG I knew everything, but as the night wore on I was growing suspicious to say the least.

  • I hate knowing surprises are coming so no, if I knew FI was about to propose or knew when he was going to, I would be going absolutely nuts!!!

    I had a feeling that it was coming but all he mentioned to me a year ago was that it would be in the next 6 months meaning Nov. 2012- May 2013 which drove me crazy anyways. 

    Not knowing exactly how much planning went into it and how much FI did was amazing hearing about it after the fact. 
  • I don't think I would want to know that much detail. With that being said, I know what my center stone is (my mom gave me her diamond) and I know that it will be set in one of the three settings I picked out back in June or July. I know he's picking up the ring this weekend, and that he promised me we would be engaged by the end of the year. Other than that, I know nothing (which to me, is a lot). He hasn't dropped any hints, so we'll see what happens.

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  • H and I had shopped for the ring together, so I pretty much knew which one he got. H and I had also discussed at great length the reasons why we were waiting for marriage (we'd been together for almost 6 years before he proposed). One of the major reasons we wanted to wait was so he could finish his degree. I was pretty sure it would happen within a couple days after that. It happened THAT night. I didn't know every detail, but it certainly wasn't a huge surprise either.

    I know a lot of women have it in their minds that it's more romantic if you don't know anything. The truth is, it will be amazing no matter what. Someone special to you is asking you to spend the rest of their life with you. At that moment, a ring and the date and everything else really doesn't matter. You'll be caught up with emotion regardless.

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  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I want it to be a total surprise. It's not easy for me to let go and not know exactly when it will happen (because I'm a planner) but I think it's much more romantic that way.

    BF told me that he's already bought a diamond and that he plans to have the setting in early spring. That was enough for me to know he's serious about moving it along. I did tell him I want my nails to be done when he proposes, so he should get one of my girlfriends to invite me for a mani.
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  • ShallowSeasShallowSeas Indianapolis, IN member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I would not want to know that much, but I guess it depends on the person. I love surprises. My BF and I had went ring shopping and I picked out one I wanted and the jeweler wrote down the ring information and gave it to my boyfriend, but a couple days later I told the BF that I wanted him to pick something out (since I gave him an idea of about 10 different settings I liked when we were ring shopping) because I want it to be a surprise. And I don't want to know when it happens or how its gonna happen. Even though I know he has the ring sitting in the closet and I know its coming, I don't want to when or how it's coming. I would love to be completely surprised and shocked. So until then, I will just keep my nails looking pretty for when that day comes :)
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  • cu97tigercu97tiger member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2013
    I wouldn't want to know EVERY detail, but I did have a pretty good idea what day I would be proposed to. I was right about the date, but totally off on the time (I thought it would be at/after dinner, he did it at 1pm). I had the opportunity to sneak a peek at the ring, but I didn't. I wanted the first time I saw it to be when he asked me to marry him.

    ETA: I knew because he was acting weird about the day. Had made plans without consulting me (which was weird for him), made dinner reservations without asking me where I wanted to go (totally weird), and had gotten his mom and stepdad to come up and watch our dogs (helllllo weirdness). 
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  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I hate surprises. I'd at least like to know that the proposal is coming (date/approx time), but perhaps not every detail.
  • labrolabro Hotlanta member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I wouldn't want to know every detail...but I think I'd like to know that at was going to happen before X date. BF would never dilvulge even that information to me though...he likes surprising me. Oh well...



  • I too would not want to know every detail... I actually knew no details, other than he wanted to marry me some day "soon."
  • I wouldn't want to know every detail.  I knew FI had the ring or I was pretty sure, I didn't know what kind or anything though.  I didn't know when it would happen either.  I had hoped in my head it would happen when and where it did. I was still shocked when it happened.

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  • I knew H had the ring (we picked it out together) and knew he was getting ready to propose (his family was visiting from India soon and he flat out told me his Mom was planning for an Indian engagement party) but I was pretty sure he wouldn't ask until his family got here. 

    I'm so glad he asked before then and, even though I had an inkling something was "up" the night of the proposal he ended up completely throwing me for a loop with the sheer amount of planning he did.  Once we left the romantic restaurant we had dinner in that night he was really antsy but his cover story was so good I honestly wasn't expecting anything to happen after dinner. 

  • Hummingbird125Hummingbird125 New York member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    I LOVE LOVE LOVE surprises. I don't even like to give BF suggestions on what to get me for Christmas because I hate knowing what to expect (and he's usually good at picking out gifts on his own). That said, I have sent him a few E-ring suggestions so that he has at least some idea about what I'd like. Other than that, I'd prefer not to know when he buys a ring, and I definitely wouldn't want to know when he's planning on proposing. There are so few good surprises in life that I'd want this to be one.


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  • GoldenPenguinGoldenPenguin Upstate NY mod
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    I don't want to know. If I know he has a ring, I'll want to find it. I just want to be surprised.



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  • I LOVE LOVE LOVE surprises. I don't even like to give BF suggestions on what to get me for Christmas because I hate knowing what to expect (and he's usually good at picking out gifts on his own). That said, I have sent him a few E-ring suggestions so that he has at least some idea about what I'd like. Other than that, I'd prefer not to know when he buys a ring, and I definitely wouldn't want to know when he's planning on proposing. There are so few good surprises in life that I'd want this to be one.


    I'm the same way on Chirstmas or birthday gifts. It used to drive H a little crazy that I wouldn't give him any ideas but he has gotten used to the idea that I honestly don't care what he gets me for a gift so long as he put some thought into how it might be something I would appreciate. 
  • I knew everything. Not because he told me, it was just a little to obvious and a little too convenient. I knew the ring because I had shown him two rings I liked and I knew that he would probably go for the cheaper one (tight finances, one was $400, the other was $25 and no I didn't forget a zero). Then he called me asking me to go see a play with him. I asked my parents if they would mind (I was 19 but still living in their house and they were a kinda control freaks, plus the date was my dad's birthday) they said ok (they didn't like him so them saying ok was impressive especially since I'd be out past curfew, which was 9:00). I knew he would want to make it impressive (I would've been fine with just a simple thing) so I knew that he'd do it on stage. Plus he was obviously nervous day of, so that set the knowledge in stone.
    It did drive me crazy though.
  • audrewuhaudrewuh member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2013
    I knew almost everything because H is AWFUL at keeping secrets. He gets so excited about surprises, he goes around dropping "just one more" hint. It drives me up a wall and I actually got upset with him the morning he was going to propose because I KNEW it was happening that day after all of the stupid hints he'd dropped. And he lied to me to "throw me off". 

    So I purposefully wore some of my ugliest clothes, t shirt with holes in them, week old jeans that didn't fit well. Because, well, that'll show me!

    The only thing that was a surprise was my dad's quartet being there and the exact location. I knew it was going to be on our former college campus, I just didn't know where on campus. 

    So yea, I knew almost everything and I didn't like it. 

    ETA: I didn't like that I knew everything. I did like my proposal!
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    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
  • I, too, would like to know that it's going to happen within a certain time frame. I feel like I could settle down a little bit more. But it's almost the exact opposite. I know it won't happen UNTIL a couple of things happen, but it could happen at ANY point after that. So a year, 2 years, 10 years. Who knows? I would very much like to be married within a year of wee one being born (and Bean actually said "Mom, I don't want my brother to have to ever know a time that you and dad weren't married, like I do." such a protector, that one.) , but it's quite likely that it won't happen that soon.

    "Stuart was scared, but he loved Margalo, Mommy. And there is nothing bigger than love." -The Bean
     "His farts smell like Satan's asshole mixed with a skunk's vagina. But it's okay, because I love him." -CSousa









  • My BF and I have been shopping together to find the ring but I've told him that after everything was set with the ring that I didn't want to know when it would be ready or when he plans to propose. I told him I wanted that to be a surprise!

  • BriSox81 said:

    eddy917 said:

    I knew everything. Not because he told me, it was just a little to obvious and a little too convenient. I knew the ring because I had shown him two rings I liked and I knew that he would probably go for the cheaper one (tight finances, one was $400, the other was $25 and no I didn't forget a zero). Then he called me asking me to go see a play with him. I asked my parents if they would mind (I was 19 but still living in their house and they were a kinda control freaks, plus the date was my dad's birthday) they said ok (they didn't like him so them saying ok was impressive especially since I'd be out past curfew, which was 9:00). I knew he would want to make it impressive (I would've been fine with just a simple thing) so I knew that he'd do it on stage. Plus he was obviously nervous day of, so that set the knowledge in stone.
    It did drive me crazy though.

    I. Uh... 





    Oh the joys of not being able to afford to move out.
    But at least it's better than a couple years prior to that when I was like 16 and had to actually be asleep by 9:00 instead of just in the house.
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    We planned our engagement together, so it was basically as if both of us were the person proposing (in terms of knowing all the details). If you know all the details, you might as well come clean and get excited together, ya know?
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  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 Home of SB XLVIII Champs member
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    My first proposal (from my ex) i knew EVERYTHING the day, the ring EVERYTHING! And I hated it. I was sick the entire month beforehand (because I had doubts but thats a different story) but it kind of took the wind out of it.

    For my proposal from my now FI I knew the ring (picked it out, I am particular) and he had to order it, so I had an inkling the day it was delivered, because I am snoopy like that. But when it came to the actual proposal, I was so surprised and it was the BEST proposal EVER :)

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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I love surprises. BF loves surprising me. I have no idea when he will propose or what the ring will look like (I don't even know what gemstone he  picked) and I'm totally happy with it being this way! I wouldn't want to know as much as some women do but I know some don't enjoy the not knowing like I do.


  • FoxandBunnyFoxandBunny Alabama member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I hate surprises. Both BF and I are horrible at secrets, so normally it doesn't matter. But I have a feeling he's going to try and surprise me as best he can for a proposal. He doesn't want me to know what the ring is or anything. He's a good actor, so I feel like I won't see it coming if he can keep the secret.

    I'm like many of y'all that said you didn't want to know exactly what was going to happen, but just a timeline. I feel like I would worry myself silly if I knew too much. But again, I hate surprises, so I'm not sure what I'll do.
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
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    I think I had the perfect amount of surprise.  Fi took me ring shopping in spring 2013.  But we both knew it would be a while before the proposal, because he wanted to actually be living together again at that point (we were long distance for a year).  So I knew roughly what year it was going to happen, and what my ring might look like, but no details.

    For a few weeks before he proposed, he was dropping hints like CRAZY.  Like, "So before our Facebook statuses change, you should know X about me...." So I definitely knew it was coming.  I remember even telling a friend I thought he had the ring.

    He totally took me by surprise the day he proposed, though.  I wasn't expecting it for a few weeks, and he was so calm and cool at dinner that night, I had no idea!  He got really nervous after dinner though when he wanted to stop at one of our favorite NYC overlooks, so I knew at that point.  But I was still shocked!  In retrospect I missed a lot of hints. :)
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  • natswildnatswild The F-f-f-rozen N-n-north (Northern Alberta) member
    Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    I know approximately when it's coming, he's dropped hints of sometime around Christmas. We went together to decide on my e ring, and I ended up being the one to order it, as he was out of town on the last day of the sale:) Getting antsy now, as the ring is going through quality control in Australia, and should be on its way to Canada in the next week....

  • I dislike surprises, but in this case, its worth the wait. R had the ring in his possession for a while. When we first started talking about marriage, I explained that I didn't like big flashy proposals in front of a giant crowd. Apparently my FI had a different proposal in mind, but a snafu happened 30 minutes before his big plan. I would have never known if he hadn't told me. The proposal was beautiful, and I loved the way he did it. Looking back on it, I think that if I knew every move he was going to make, his entire plan, what day, what time, when where etc. I think that the moment wouldn't have been as special. I do believe time frames are very necessary, and endorse them fully. 
  • I would hate knowing that much!! I love surprises. H is great at surprising me but my mom was the dead give away because she can't keep anything a secret! He proposed on Christmas last year and when we where at my parent's house opening gifts she was like, "Oh! This gift is from bf! Hold on while I get the camera! Ok open it slowly!" Oh you should have seen the look that went across H's face! lol But in the end he did end up surprising me at our favorite park out in the snow. He'd picked out the ring himself with my favorite gem stone. It was perfect.
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  • leia1979leia1979 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2013
    I didn't 100% know, but I was pretty darn sure. We'd already purchased the ring together, and I was reasonably certain he was going to propose at Disneyland and he did. I didn't know exactly when during the day or where in the park it would be.

    I'm also a control freak who doesn't like surprises.
    KeptInStitches
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