"Kids" in Wedding Party

btoh

Hi all

My cousin is 12 and I want to have her as a jr. bridesmaid in the wedding along with my brother who is 10.

Is it rude/wrong to not include her younger brother, who is 6?

Also, I don't have a job for him as my fiance's niece and nephew will be the ring bearer and flower girl.

I do have a lot of younger cousins (ages 1-6) so I also do not know if it would be rude to not include them. My cousin had all the kids walk in and sit on the church steps inside the wedding. I love them all and would love to include them all like that but I do not know how else that could work with an outdoor wedding ?

Would it be too big and chaotic ? We always wanted something simple and I feel like I cannot include one without the others now!

Thank-you!

Jen4948

No, you don't have to include her younger brother or any of the other cousins.  It is not necessary for every child in the family to be included, and it can actually be a very useful lesson to them that not every occasion in the family will include them, so they should not expect it every time.

As for your 12 year old cousin, by all means you can have her as a bridesmaid, but don't call her a "junior" bridesmaid.  While she won't be able to participate in over-21 activities like drinking, she can participate in every other respect an older bridesmaid can.  Also, kids that age often don't like to be called "junior" anything.

zitiqueen

btoh said:

Hi all

My cousin is 12 and I want to have her as a jr. bridesmaid in the wedding along with my brother who is 10.

Is it rude/wrong to not include her younger brother, who is 6?

Also, I don't have a job for him as my fiance's niece and nephew will be the ring bearer and flower girl.

I do have a lot of younger cousins (ages 1-6) so I also do not know if it would be rude to not include them. My cousin had all the kids walk in and sit on the church steps inside the wedding. I love them all and would love to include them all like that but I do not know how else that could work with an outdoor wedding ?

Would it be too big and chaotic ? We always wanted something simple and I feel like I cannot include one without the others now!

Thank-you!

Nobody should be given "jobs" for your wedding, even children. And there's no rule that says everybody has to be included.

Drop the "junior" title for the 12-year-old. It's demeaning and unnecessary. She'll be walking and standing and carrying flowers just like the other bridesmaids; call her a bridesmaid.

 

Maggie0829

Does your FI want to include your brother into his side of the wedding party?  If not then your brother can stand up on your side if you would like.

Drop the "junior" title on everything.  There is no point to it since no matter what age the person is they are still doing the same thing as all the other BMs.

btoh

Hey all!

Sorry, I have not been to many weddings I have just seen younger bridesmaids being called "junior" and thought that was the norm. I was not meaning to be rude or anything! And I have seen people call being a ring bearer, etc. "jobs" which is why I wrote that out. Again, I am very very new to this and have been to about 3 weddings my whole life.

The thing that held me back from making her an official bridesmaid is because I already have more bridesmaids than I was expecting...

I may have to add a couple more to the WP then just because I cannot bear the thought of leaving her out! Was just wondering if there were other "titles".

Thank-you

btoh

Maggie0829 said:

Does your FI want to include your brother into his side of the wedding party?  If not then your brother can stand up on your side if you would like.

He does not mind either way. His sisters are my BMs too.

Maggie0829

btoh said:

Hey all!

Sorry, I have not been to many weddings I have just seen younger bridesmaids being called "junior" and thought that was the norm. I was not meaning to be rude or anything! And I have seen people call being a ring bearer, etc. "jobs" which is why I wrote that out. Again, I am very very new to this and have been to about 3 weddings my whole life.

The thing that held me back from making her an official bridesmaid is because I already have more bridesmaids than I was expecting...

I may have to add a couple more to the WP then just because I cannot bear the thought of leaving her out! Was just wondering if there were other "titles".

Thank-you

Confused by the bolded.  Why do you need to add a few more and not just her?

southernbelle0915

To answer your original questions:

1) No you do not need to include her 6 y/o brother

2) No you do not need to include the other cousins ages 1-6.

If you want to include the 6 y/o brother, I see no issue with two ring bearers - one brings one ring, one brings the other. 

It sounds like you might be getting a little caught up in the WP and trying to over-include so that you don't leave anyone out. A few things that might be helpful to know: a WP isn't necessary at all, you don't need an MOH, you can have more than one MOH, men can stand up on the bride's side - females on the groom's side, sides don't have to be even, you don't "need" to have siblings in the WP, etc. There are literally zero hard and fast rules about who can/can't be in your WP.

btoh

Maggie0829 said:

btoh said:

Hey all!

Sorry, I have not been to many weddings I have just seen younger bridesmaids being called "junior" and thought that was the norm. I was not meaning to be rude or anything! And I have seen people call being a ring bearer, etc. "jobs" which is why I wrote that out. Again, I am very very new to this and have been to about 3 weddings my whole life.

The thing that held me back from making her an official bridesmaid is because I already have more bridesmaids than I was expecting...

I may have to add a couple more to the WP then just because I cannot bear the thought of leaving her out! Was just wondering if there were other "titles".

Thank-you

Confused by the bolded.  Why do you need to add a few more and not just her?

Her and my brother :P I also have an 18 year old brother so I have to check if he would like to be in it and if so I would be adding 3 more people to the WP...

btoh

southernbelle0915 said:

To answer your original questions:

1) No you do not need to include her 6 y/o brother

2) No you do not need to include the other cousins ages 1-6.

If you want to include the 6 y/o brother, I see no issue with two ring bearers - one brings one ring, one brings the other. 

It sounds like you might be getting a little caught up in the WP and trying to over-include so that you don't leave anyone out. A few things that might be helpful to know: a WP isn't necessary at all, you don't need an MOH, you can have more than one MOH, men can stand up on the bride's side - females on the groom's side, sides don't have to be even, you don't "need" to have siblings in the WP, etc. There are literally zero hard and fast rules about who can/can't be in your WP.

I guess I am just like that and don't want to hurt feelings :P

So far I have one more bridesmaid than groomsmen so I am thinking about another groomsman to even it out, even though I am comfortable with the number now. But you are right it doesn't have to be even and there are no rules

clarke10

I think your FI should check with your 18-year-old brother, not you. If he's going to be a groomsman it should be because your FI really wants him there, and he should definitely be the one to ask. It's definitely not required that all siblings are in the wedding party though.

btoh

clarke10 said:

I think your FI should check with your 18-year-old brother, not you. If he's going to be a groomsman it should be because your FI really wants him there, and he should definitely be the one to ask. It's definitely not required that all siblings are in the wedding party though.

I checked with my fiance even before we started officially planning the wedding, just "talks" and we were all for each other's siblings being in the wedding party if they (his sisters, my brother) wanted it. So I know that won't be a problem

Dreamergirl8812

I was in a wedding last weekend and I felt bad for the "junior" bridesmaid. She didn't know any of us, who were all drinking champagne before the wedding. She was the only one of us to walk by herself. And she kept getting announced as the junior bridesmaid while we were announced as the bridesmaids.

I do not think she enjoyed being singled out like that.

Jen4948

btoh said:

southernbelle0915 said:

To answer your original questions:

1) No you do not need to include her 6 y/o brother

2) No you do not need to include the other cousins ages 1-6.

If you want to include the 6 y/o brother, I see no issue with two ring bearers - one brings one ring, one brings the other. 

It sounds like you might be getting a little caught up in the WP and trying to over-include so that you don't leave anyone out. A few things that might be helpful to know: a WP isn't necessary at all, you don't need an MOH, you can have more than one MOH, men can stand up on the bride's side - females on the groom's side, sides don't have to be even, you don't "need" to have siblings in the WP, etc. There are literally zero hard and fast rules about who can/can't be in your WP.

I guess I am just like that and don't want to hurt feelings :P

So far I have one more bridesmaid than groomsmen so I am thinking about another groomsman to even it out, even though I am comfortable with the number now. But you are right it doesn't have to be even and there are no rules

If you worry too much about not wanting to hurt feelings, what will inevitably happen is that someone's feelings will be hurt: yours.  Everyone will see you as a pushover and insist on getting their own way, even if what they want isn't what you want.

mysticl

A friend of mine has a sister and two brothers.  Her sister was her MOH, her youngest brother was friends with the groom and was a groomsman.  The other brother knew the groom but lived something like 1000 miles away until right before the wedding so they weren't really friends.  He attended the wedding as a guest.  He hung out with the groomsmen while they were getting ready, attended the family/wedding party cookout the day before, and the bachelor/bachelorette party the night before.  

btoh

Thank-you for the feedback everyone, I will definitely try and not worry as much about everyone because my family is too large to include everyone without it getting bigger that I want.