Do we host hotel after-party?

16maybeless

Hi TK,

Our wedding is from 5 PM to 11 PM or so in the city. That's fairly early for our group of friends, so we wanted to have an after-party at the hotel where all out-of-town guests are staying and where we've reserved a block of rooms. The hotel has a bar open until 2 and an indoor/outdoor pool that is open until midnight, in case anyone wants to jump in (read: me). We didn't put anything about this after-party on the website or invites, and everyone (out-of-towners and locals alike) is invited, but it's obviously optional. So the question from my parents: Should we host any drinks that are ordered during the after-party, or is that up to the guests to pay their separate tabs? I'm not sure if this is still included as part of the day's festivities, or if because it's optional/after the reception, it's not necessary. And is there anything else I need to do, etiquette-wise, regarding this party? Should this be on the website?

Thanks! Also, it's really cold and I just wanted to share that. I am considering putting on a Snuggie.

photokitty

You are not required to host the after party. You could mention the hours of the pool and bar on your website under accommodations. But I probably wouldn't mention a specific after party unless you want to host it. Word of mouth would be a good way to go IMHO Sound fun!

arrippa

You could host but it's not required. I would just go with word of mouth, "we will be hanging out at the bar if you want to join us" kinda thing.

Also, I am afraid of owning a snuggie because if I did, I doubt I would wear anything else. They look so warm and comfy.

ohannabelle

No, but it's very nice to think of it. At this point of the day, you've done enough hosting, and properly thanked your guests for coming by hosting the reception. And like Photokitty said, keep it word of mouth. The moment you put it in writing, whoops, it becomes an invitation. And there you are, hosting again. You and your parents earned your break, and may happily put your wallets away.

MandyMost

I agree to keep it to word of mouth, but if your friends are the type of people who may be thinking "wedding's over at 11, what are we gonna do then? I'll plan something at this cool bar I know downtown!" you may want to spread it BEFORE the actual day of the wedding, so they know the plan. 

climbingsingle

I'd also keep it word of mouth. You're not required to host an after party. I've been to weddings where the couple paid for drinks and food and where the guests paid for everything themselves. 

hikebikebemerry

Thank you so much for asking this!  I am in a similar spot, minus having my reception in the a city.  Not to try and steal this thread.. but in a situation like this, if the couple (or whoever is paying) wanted to provide late night food for guests, would they then be required to continue offer booze (if it was offered during the wedding)?  Or would it just be a plus to provide some food?

syoun1nj

I have been to a wedding with a hotel "After party" = bride and groom ordered platters of apps, but we all had our own bar tabs. It was very generous! But you do not have to offer either, or both.

We had an after party planned - the hotel said they would keep the bar open late for us. But the bartender went home anyway. Such an idiot - he could have made a fortune!

TerriHugg

We had an unofficial after party in which everyone spontaneously showed up at this night club at the hotel. It was an all-inclusive resort though so didn't have to pay for anything extra. WE just order a round of drinks for everyone and a platter of food when everyone showed up. 

blabla89

I've never understood wedding after parties...don't you and FI have um...wedding night things to do?

It's generous of you to consider hosting your guests for the after party but you don't need to pick up the tab. I do think it's a good idea to spread the info by word of mouth in case your guests would like to get together at the bar afterward. And also, it's cold here too.

ktbabe530

I don't think you are required to host the after party at all.  If you had some extra money in the budget and wanted to it would be a great touch, but I don't think anyone would be expecting it. 

I went to 4 weddings this year, 3 had after parties and the DJ/band just announced it towards the end of the night.  I think if anything the guests hosted them by buying drinks for the bride and groom!  

Having it at the hotel where everyone is staying is nice too, everyone can change and put on flip flops!  

Amyzen83

Thanks so much for asking this question! I've been curious myself since we are having an afternoon wedding and reception... FYI i also hav a snuggie and it's awesome!

mblake525

lalalaurita said:

I've never understood wedding after parties...don't you and FI have um...wedding night things to do?

It's generous of you to consider hosting your guests for the after party but you don't need to pick up the tab. I do think it's a good idea to spread the info by word of mouth in case your guests would like to get together at the bar afterward. And also, it's cold here too.

We are doing one. Our venue is very strict and very expensive when it comes to alcohol. We opted for a dry wedding since 99% of our guest list doesn't drink for religious reasons. We know that the only people that will want to drink is our close friends and my siblings. So, after the reception, we are all going back to my FI's beach house where we are staying that night to drink and play Mario Party. It is fun to decompress with close friends. 

I have spread it through word of mouth. Everyone on the guest list knows they are welcome to attend, but I have a good idea who will want to attend ahead of time. You probably have a good idea who would want to attend as well. I would make sure to expressly tell them.

It is nice to host but you certainly aren't obligated to. We are providing the alcohol and food and my MOH and best man OFFERED (we didn't request them to) bring the mixers. I would phrase it as "Hey, we are all getting together at the pool afterward," versus "I am throwing an after party," to avoid confusion on who pays.

Inkdancer

lalalaurita said:

I've never understood wedding after parties...don't you and FI have um...wedding night things to do?

My FI and I will be having an afterparty. We are having a lunchtime wedding, and will not be serving alcohol because we both have alcoholics in our family. However, we still want to do some dancing and partying with our friends. So we will be inviting our friends to an afterparty that we will host at a local club. It's a much better solution for us... and there will still be lots of time for the wedding night afterward.

blabla89

Inkdancer said:

lalalaurita said:

I've never understood wedding after parties...don't you and FI have um...wedding night things to do?

My FI and I will be having an afterparty. We are having a lunchtime wedding, and will not be serving alcohol because we both have alcoholics in our family. However, we still want to do some dancing and partying with our friends. So we will be inviting our friends to an afterparty that we will host at a local club. It's a much better solution for us... and there will still be lots of time for the wedding night afterward.

It definitely makes more sense when you're having an early wedding or a dry wedding and want to party afterward. Maybe it's just me...I can't stay up that late because I'm an old lady.

annathy03

Inkdancer said:

lalalaurita said:

I've never understood wedding after parties...don't you and FI have um...wedding night things to do?

My FI and I will be having an afterparty. We are having a lunchtime wedding, and will not be serving alcohol because we both have alcoholics in our family. However, we still want to do some dancing and partying with our friends. So we will be inviting our friends to an afterparty that we will host at a local club. It's a much better solution for us... and there will still be lots of time for the wedding night afterward.

We're also planning on an (unhosted) one, just spreading word of mouth that B&G are going to XYZ bar after the (fully hosted) reception to wind down if anyone wants to join.  Most of our guests are out of town so spending time with them is a priority, and we'll still have some time for "wedding night things"

SP29

I agree- spread it by word of mouth that you and FH will be at the hotel pool after the reception.

No, you are not required to host it. But, once you start putting it on your website or in writing, it becomes more of an invite, which generally signifies a hosted event. 

Viczaesar

johansmith said:

No, you do not need of any hotel after the party.

Hawaii weddings

Go away, vendor. @KnotPorscha

OjitosVerdes

lalalaurita said:

I've never understood wedding after parties...don't you and FI have um...wedding night things to do?

It's generous of you to consider hosting your guests for the after party but you don't need to pick up the tab. I do think it's a good idea to spread the info by word of mouth in case your guests would like to get together at the bar afterward. And also, it's cold here too.

We hosted an after party and I'm so glad we did - my thinking was that FI and I have a lifetime to have sex, but that this was literally the one and only time ... ever ... that I'd have my family and friends all together. Most of our guests traveled, and we wanted to maximize our time with them. 

OP - as everyone else has said, no need to host alcohol and word-of-mouth leading up to and the day of the event is the best way to spread the info. We hosted plates of apps to help soak up the alcohol, and bar tabs were handled individually.

16maybeless

Awesome, thanks everyone! Maybe I'll update the website closer to the wedding but send no formal invite. I'll also pass it around by word of mouth the night before, but make sure everyone knows it's informal.

Yeah, our friends (and I guess we) stay up late and like to go out, so it makes sense. The hotel is really cool, and it has a nice lounge with pool tables, TVs, and an indoor/outdoor pool that would make for a good party, and everyone can just stagger up to their rooms afterward. It's a kid-free wedding, so it'll be an energetic evening for all.