Pre-wedding Parties

A bit worried about my shower

So I just got my invitation to my shower, which is being hosted by my three aunts. Beautiful invitation, but one thing I am concerned about/worried by: they labeled it a "crystal and china shower."

First, is this a common thing? Second, my first thought is that it is an indication of the formality of the event, as is it being held at a prestigious country club. My second (and more alarming) thought that it indicates what you are supposed to bring as a gift. This seems "gift grabby" to me and I am really worried that others will see it that way too.

I am so grateful for all of their efforts and the fact that they want to throw this shower for me. I am just worried that it will leave the wrong impression.

Re: A bit worried about my shower

  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird Bawlmer member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    Eh, I don't care for showers that specify the type of gift one should bring, but I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with them. I also don't think it's "gift grabby" since that's the point of the shower.

    I do wonder what you're going to do with all that crystal and china though. I wouldn't say anything unless it's to decline the shower. Otherwise, let it go. It's fine.
  • Oh yeah I guess as a guest you might wonder if you are supposed to bring only "china or crystal".

    Does the invitation say where you are registered? If you registered for other things at say Bed Bath & Beyond then people will buy what's on your registry.


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • @MissY to Mrs Z - yes it does give registry information. We did register for china and some crystal (at the insistence of my fiance, surprisingly), but a lot of the china was purchased for our engagement party.
  • Showers are gift giving events so it's normal to have registry information on the invitation. I do think it's pushy to suggest what people buy for you (e.g. "crystal and china"). 

    However, it's water under the bridge at this point. Obviously invitations have gone out and everyone has received them. You can't always control etiquette at a shower since it's not an event you're throwing for yourself or planning. If you know about something and can correct it, you should. If you don't, just be as polite as possible. 

  • Yeah, I had no control. I also wasn't told the shower was being thrown until about 5 days before I received an invitation so it was too late to speak up. I also was hesitant to wade into it because I didn't want to seem ungrateful for such a gesture ("Thanks for throwing me a party, but here are things you are doing wrong...").
  • The good thing about showers is that the people who attend really want to be there and want to add to your new life.  People who know the real "you" will know that you are not the "gift grabby" type, which I am even getting from your post.  Also, once guests learn that the china has all been purchased, they will bring other gifts.
    When I threw my daughter's shower, I themed it "Dress the Nest" and some ladies brought lingerie.  I thought the gifts were lovely and thoughtful, and so did my daughter.
  • If I received this invite, personally I wouldn't be offended. I'd probably purchase something off your registry that isn't crystal or china just so you'd get a bit of variety in your gifts, but that's just me. I'm sure people won't be offended but if someone is, I wouldn't worry too much about it. You're not involved with the planning so I don't think it reflects on you as much as the planners.



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