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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Couldn't be happier to be fired from the wedding party!

Been lurking for a bit, but after the past few days just need to vent. I was thrilled to be asked to be the MOH for my close friend of 15 years. Apparently she decided MOH and wedding planenr are the same thing because the morning after I said yes I woke up to an email containing a wedding checklist with my responsibilities highlighted. I was shocked, but agreed to do it since most could be done simultaneously with my own planning (finding venues, center piece ideas, etc).

Fast forward a few months to our three day weekend of looking at venues for her (all of which I found and made appointments with). I honestly have no clue if she liked any of them since she did not say one word to anyone the whole time we were looking. She got even better during lunch when she told me to start saving up for the bachelorette party because we were all going to Disneyland. I pointed out she can't plan her our party and she said she knows and that she's SOO happy to know I'll do a great job planning a girls weekend to Disneyland for us. At this point I finally put my foot down and said I knew none of her BMs had the money to do this including me (plus as a stay home mom if I found money for Disney I'd be taking my FI and our son). She threw a mini tantrum about how it's her day and this is the ONLY acceptable option for her party. 

When she calmed down a few minutes later she changed the subject asking me for suggestions on how to get a few of her BMs to lose weight before the wedding since she wants everyone to look good in the pics. I tried explaining that she can't so she decided since their two BMs and apparently me who all have a few pounds to lose her "gift" to us will be to schedule us all for a group fitness bootcamp. Other demands to ensure her pictures come out great include already having worked out a discount for us to get our hair cut and colored the week of the wedding (at our expense) and telling me I will have to go out and buy flats since I can't wear heels or I will be way taller than everyone else and it will look uneven. 

By the time I went home I was ready to bail on bridezilla and her wedding, but decided against it since I didn't want to hurt the friendship. I got a call last night telling me she thought about it and has decided that since I'm not working and have a kid this may not be the best time financially for me to be a part of her wedding and she doesn't want to have to spend her big day adhering to MY demands. Couldn't be happier, but seriously WTF?!
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Re: Couldn't be happier to be fired from the wedding party!

  • Holy poop balls, What a bitch! But yeah, I'd be happy to be kicked out of that wedding too! 
  • Just.  WOW.  Glad it worked out for you though, I'd be happy to be kicked out as well!
  • I thought about directing her to this board, but didn't want you ladies to have to deal with her crap too :)
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  • I seriously don't understand how weddings, a joyous occasion, bring out the worst in people. You are way better off without her. 
  • Wow, I have no words. I cannot believe anyone would treat a friend like this.
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  • Your comment about bridezilla is dead on. Although the stress of wedding planning can turn a lot of people into something they are not normally - I have seen many a wedding ruin friendships.

    Often with how many shows portray women and wedding situations - some women think it is acceptable because so and so on some show did it and it is normal. It is not.

    My suggestion - if you wish to retain the friendship - offer to help in other (non financial ways) and will be happy to attend the wedding. Personally - I am not sure based on her current stance she really was a true friend to start.
  • So glad you dodged that one! She sounds very selfish and more than a little unreasonable.
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    eyeroll
  • I think the friendship is dead after that phone call. I found the financial aspect of it to be the most amusing since out of all the women in the wedding party I actually was the only one who was the most financially secure. Everyone else is a full time student and only a few work part time in retail. She seems to forget FI makes good money and I write from home to supplement our income further. Apparently not wanting to shell out a ton of money going to Disneyland and being happy with boxed hair color means I'm straddling the poverty line. 

    Also I don't no for sure that I'm even still invited to the wedding. She made a comment about how she needs to see what the guest list looks like. 
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  • I would love to know who it was that started this "I'm the bride, I get to do whatever I want" mentality.  What is it about getting married that makes people feel like they can be assholes?  What on earth makes people think it's acceptable to treat people this way?

    I will never understand it.  Frankly I never want to.

    You seriously dodged a bullet, OP.  Good for you.

  • I'm confused why she's even making you all color your hair......
  • She sounds greaaaaaaaaaaaaaat :-/ The way I see it, she did you a favor so you no longer have to deal with her majesty's princess demands. Did she ask you all to buy her a beautiful disney princess gown and sparkly tiara too?
  • From the sounds of it I was the only one REQUIRED to color my hair. The plan was if anyone was thinking of cutting or coloring their hair prior to the wedding it had to be through her hair dresser because she could guarantee everyone's hair came out perfect. I have used the same brand and color of boxed dye for years mostly because I see no reason to pay a ton of money for something I can easily do at home, but that was unacceptable for her. 
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  • She sounds greaaaaaaaaaaaaaat :-/ The way I see it, she did you a favor so you no longer have to deal with her majesty's princess demands. Did she ask you all to buy her a beautiful disney princess gown and sparkly tiara too?
  • Sorry for the duplicate post
  • Glad you got away from that!
  • I'm shocked no one seemed to know she was like this before the engagement.
  • Being expected to be the wedding planner was not too much of a surprise; she's always been the person who asks you to grab something on the other side of the room from you when she's only a foot out of arms reach. The rest baffled me; especially the hair. I have only seen her with a natural looking hair color a handful of times in the past 5 years, but my boxed blonde looked unnatural and fake apparently (despite everyone always telling me I look much better as a blonde).
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  • afox007 said:
    From the sounds of it I was the only one REQUIRED to color my hair. The plan was if anyone was thinking of cutting or coloring their hair prior to the wedding it had to be through her hair dresser because she could guarantee everyone's hair came out perfect. I have used the same brand and color of boxed dye for years mostly because I see no reason to pay a ton of money for something I can easily do at home, but that was unacceptable for her. 
    No offense to this woman but just because this hair dresser does her hair great doesn't mean it's the case for everyone. I've had several hairdressers that when I told them what I wanted, it didn't come out the way I had hoped. I never said anything but my current hairdresser is the best one I've had so far. I tell her what I want and it's usually what I get.
    Good point.  You should never have a new person dye your hair or try a new color right before a big event.  You never know how it will turn out.  
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  • Sorry you're going through this. I once had a bride tell me I was too tall as well!! (I'm 5'10" - how can anyone make me look any shorter?! Either one has to be ok with the fact that I'm 5'10" - or not!!)

    Yeh, you dodged a bullet there.
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    image 293 (Adults) Invited
    image198 Yes (+ 12 children and 3 babies)
    image95 No
    image0 Unknown

  • I've got to ask... how old is this woman?
  • You dodged a bullet.  Then again, by not being in the wedding party, we don't get to hear the full scoop on this trainwreck...it would have been a great how not to be a good bride story.
  • Sorry you're going through this. I once had a bride tell me I was too tall as well!! (I'm 5'10" - how can anyone make me look any shorter?! Either one has to be ok with the fact that I'm 5'10" - or not!!)

    Yeh, you dodged a bullet there.
    I'm 5'9 and have a shoe fetish so most days I'm somewhere around 6 feet. I would have been willing to ditch the 4-5 inch heels, but their was no way I would wear flats with a formal dress. 
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  • She is 24 going on 12.

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  • afox007 said:
    She is 24 going on 12.

    Can't say I'm surprised.  Wonder if I would have been able to stop laughing long enough to tell her to f off. 

    If you are still invited / attend, you'll have to share info here again, b/c it sounds too entertaining!  

  • afox007 said:
    She is 24 going on 12.

    This is an observation and not a judgement, but it does seem the younger brides can be more intent on the "traditional" look of a wedding party and, because they haven't been to as many weddings and only see movies like "Bridesmaids" they might have not-as-reasonable expectations.  I'm just 30, but all the early-20's weddings I went to were matchy-matchy with 'maids as actual "maids"... and as the years go by, we all realize how much we actually just don't care about stuff like that. Plus, with more financial independence and experience comes more ability to take charge and get stuff done on one's own.   When you're always a bridesmaid and never a bride, you know what to do and what not to do when it's your turn based on how you felt in everyone else's (matching) shoes.   Definitely not every young bride falls into this camp, I know, but if a bridezilla does exist, it just seems like she's often younger. My two cents. 
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  • afox007 said:
    She is 24 going on 12.

    This is an observation and not a judgement, but it does seem the younger brides can be more intent on the "traditional" look of a wedding party and, because they haven't been to as many weddings and only see movies like "Bridesmaids" they might have not-as-reasonable expectations.  I'm just 30, but all the early-20's weddings I went to were matchy-matchy with 'maids as actual "maids"... and as the years go by, we all realize how much we actually just don't care about stuff like that. Plus, with more financial independence and experience comes more ability to take charge and get stuff done on one's own.   When you're always a bridesmaid and never a bride, you know what to do and what not to do when it's your turn based on how you felt in everyone else's (matching) shoes.   Definitely not every young bride falls into this camp, I know, but if a bridezilla does exist, it just seems like she's often younger. My two cents. 
    Couldn't agree more with this ^^
  • I'm only a few months older than her, but even I have to agree with it being partially age related. I guess I just have the advantage of being "(any age) going on 50" as my grandma always put it. 
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  • I would never speak to her again. What a jerk.
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