Tipping etiquette / gifts for professionals, vendors ?

mrsdela27

From what I've been told (and I'm pretty sure this is the proper etiquette), you're supposed to tip your vendors at the end of the wedding. I told my fiance this today, and he got very upset. His argument is - "We're paying them x amount of dollars and they are providing us with their services, they aren't doing us a favor, why should we tip them/give them a gift?" Where this became a problem is with our photographer. In one week we have our engagement pictures scheduled, and my photographer lives about an hour and a half from us, so she's traveling quite a bit for this 2-hour session. We do have to pay a travel fee, which my fiance also doesn't like, but you can't get something for nothing. I told him I wanted to get her a little gift (literally just a Starbucks gift card for about $15), and he freaked out. He thinks it's inappropriate and unnecessary (and the entire argument from above ^). I told him I was using my own money and it's just a gift card, plus it's a small thank you and little Christmas gift. 

I'm just curious -- am I wrong here? Should I not be so caring? She could have said "no I only service locales within 20 minutes of me" but no she's traveling 100+ miles for us. The least I can do is buy her a coffee! What am I supposed to do, and how do I convince my fiance that this is the proper etiquette when it comes to weddings and tipping the professionals/vendors?

Inkdancer

You are absolutely in the right. Tipping vendors is important, especially when they go above and beyond for you. In this case, because she's traveling so much, I would certainly tip her! As for after the wedding, I'd send a tip after you see your photos.

But only you know how to communicate with your FI. Is he concerned that tips are a lot of extra money when you're already spending a lot? Or is he worried that you'll be tipping before you see if she does a good job? Find out what's at the root of his worry and try to assuage it.

mrsdela27

He doesn't want to spend more than we're already spending. Our photographer cost alot of money, and don't get me wrong my fiance is not a cheapskate because he tips everyone else (waiter, barber, etc.) very well but he doesn't see the need in this. 

mysticl

Is your photographer self-employed?  If so tipping her is not necessary as she is pocketing 100% of the profit made off of your wedding and that travel fee is going directly into her gas tank.  

You can, of course, tip anyone you wish but I would just tip them, not give them gifts.  

SomethingBeautiful08

Unless there is a specfic policy that prohibits tips, then I think they are always appreciated.  That said in short if they own their own buisness then a tip isn't required, while if they work for someone else then you should tip.  Why? When you are dealing with the buisness owner, they are setting their prices independantly, so that price should account for all their costs.  If they work for someone else, while they may have some say, they likely don't control it.  Also when you have a great experience and you spread the word, the owner really benefits due to the increased business, not necessarily the employee.  The tip serves as a substitute. I

In summary, your FH is not wrong, but might just be over zealous.  Have a talk, maybe he would feel more comfortable giving the tip after you get your engagement photos?

SomethingBeautiful08

Unless there is a specfic policy that prohibits tips, then I think they are always appreciated.  That said in short if they own their own buisness then a tip isn't required, while if they work for someone else then you should tip.  Why? When you are dealing with the buisness owner, they are setting their prices independantly, so that price should account for all their costs.  If they work for someone else, while they may have some say, they likely don't control it.  Also when you have a great experience and you spread the word, the owner really benefits due to the increased business, not necessarily the employee.  The tip serves as a substitute. I

In summary, your FH is not wrong, but might just be over zealous.  Have a talk, maybe he would feel more comfortable giving the tip after you get your engagement photos?

winelover123

Tipping is always appreciated. If you felt that she went above and beyond, by all means tip her. I would wait until you got your photos back though (unless you just do the $15 starbucks gift card). We ended up not tipping our photographer because we were not happy with the majority of the photos we got back.

s-aries8990

Tipping a vendor is never necessary, but always appreciated. If you feel that your photog is going above and beyond for you by coming out so far, and you want to give her a small gift for doing you a favor (as long as you think the travel fee isn't unreasonable), then go for it. It is not inappropriate in any way. Sure, they may PREFER cash, but it's your gift to give as you please. Your FI isn't *wrong,* but I do think he's a bit extreme to not even be open to the idea of possibly tipping them if you're happy.

If you feel that your vendor went above and beyond once the service is complete, then feel free to tip (like with a photog, after the photos have come back). I usually suggest looking at the 15% amount as a starting point, then figuring out where your budget and level of satisfaction bring you. Also, a way to show gratitude without having to put out money is to be a reference for them, write a stellar review, and allow them to use some photos of your wedding in their promotional pieces.

And, @mysticl and @somethingbeautiful08 - usually those who are self-employed many times take home less than those who larger companies do because they *usually* undercut their competition in order to gain business, and in doing so, end up making less per hour of work. Sure they make all of the profit, but with most businesses, profits are re-invested into the company (better software, computer hardware, equipment, website, studios, etc.)

AroundTheBlock

Standard etiquette makes a distinction between social relationships: friends, family, acquaintances -- the people you invite to personal events and exchange gifts with; and business relationships: vendors, employees, employers -- the people you pay or who pay you. 

If a vendor has done a good job for which you are particularly grateful, pay her a bonus. She has rent to pay and food to buy, and she works at doing a good job so that she can earn the money for those things. A Starbucks card is a nice token that hints of your friendly feelings to her but it is unlikely to compare well beside a legitimate bonus and for all you know she prefers to drink beer when she's not on the job, whereas a bonus respects her as a professional. If you aren't paying her directly you can hardly pay a 'bonus', but you can pay her a tip.