Wording programs with deceased mother and step-mother?

rachaelam1990

I'm trying to figure out how to word our programs. My mother passed away 4 years ago; my dad got engaged 6 months after her death and got married 6 months after that. I do not like my step-mother at all. She is very inconsiderate about me not having time to grieve and heal after my mother passed.

I'm curious about what to put under "parents" on the programs. I love my dad, but he'd throw a fit if his wife weren't included. I just get very upset at the idea. Is there a way to put her name on the program without putting it under "parents"?

Jen4948

Well, you can give your mother a tribute in a special page.  As for your father and stepmother, I'd list them as "father and stepmother" and not use the word "parents."  But leaving your stepmother out altogether would be a smack across the face to your father-regardless of how she treated you when your mother died.

southernbelle0915

rachaelam1990 said:

I'm trying to figure out how to word our programs. My mother passed away 4 years ago; my dad got engaged 6 months after her death and got married 6 months after that. I do not like my step-mother at all. She is very inconsiderate about me not having time to grieve and heal after my mother passed. I'm curious about what to put under "parents" on the programs. I love my dad, but he'd throw a fit if his wife weren't included. I just get very upset at the idea. Is there a way to put her name on the program without putting it under "parents"?

You could do something like:

Bride's Family

John Smith, Father of the Bride

Jane Smith, Step-mother of the Bride

Betty Smith, Grandmother of the Bride

etc...........

Programs aren't mandatory by any means, so you could just avoid the problem and save money by not having them at all if it's easier for you.

doeydo

rachaelam1990 said:

I'm trying to figure out how to word our programs. My mother passed away 4 years ago; my dad got engaged 6 months after her death and got married 6 months after that. I do not like my step-mother at all. She is very inconsiderate about me not having time to grieve and heal after my mother passed. I'm curious about what to put under "parents" on the programs. I love my dad, but he'd throw a fit if his wife weren't included. I just get very upset at the idea. Is there a way to put her name on the program without putting it under "parents"?

Regarding the bold, do you mean that when you were doing normal things that someone who lost their mother would do (ie. crying or whatever) she would downplay it or say something rude to you?  Or do you just mean that she married your father?  

rachaelam1990

I mean she would say inappropriate things, like "why don't you visit your moms grave!" On my moms birthday. I don't think that is something she should comment on, and I also don't like visiting her grave. I am a bit sensitive to it, but she's rude, and says things that are offensive to me or make me sad. I don't need to be reminded that my mother is dead by my stepmom.

pinkshorts27

rachaelam1990 said:

I mean she would say inappropriate things, like "why don't you visit your moms grave!" On my moms birthday. I don't think that is something she should comment on, and I also don't like visiting her grave. I am a bit sensitive to it, but she's rude, and says things that are offensive to me or make me sad. I don't need to be reminded that my mother is dead by my stepmom.

Oh, that sounds like she was trying to be helpful, not rude. In fact I have said something similar to my FI on mother's day and his mom's birthday.

Inkdancer

You could skip the section entirely, if you really want to. But I also like Southernbelle's suggestion.

rachaelam1990

I don't like going, so it was rude to me. and not her place. if my best friend or fiance said it, it's different. She started dating my dad 2 month after my mom passed, and I don't think she's allowed to get a say in that part of my life.

Jen4948

rachaelam1990 said:

I don't like going, so it was rude to me. and not her place. if my best friend or fiance said it, it's different. She started dating my dad 2 month after my mom passed, and I don't think she's allowed to get a say in that part of my life.

As far as the programs go, I'd give your mother a tribute and list your stepmother as your father's wife. But I think the real issue here is that your stepmother has been interfering with that part of your life, and you should have a come-to-Jesus with her and your father and make clear to her that it's not up to her to direct your posthumous relationship with your mother and she needs to butt out of it.

theartistformerlyknownas

Mine are worded similarly to southernbelle's suggestion. my mom, her husband, dad, his wife under my family, and his mom, step-dad, and grandparents under his family. I did it that way because I didn't want to have a separate "grandparents" section since all of mine have passed away, but wanted to honor his since they've been such a big part of his life.