NWR what do you wear to funerals?

misssunshine17

I was raised to strictly wear black or dark gray to funerals. On Saturday, I attended a 11am funeral and was kind of horrified by what people wore....cream sweater, purple floral sweater, khaki suits, hot pink scarf by people all 30+. Is it no longer standard to wear dark colors only? Just curious what other people wear. 

mblake525

I have a very modest navy blue dress. It is very dark and looks black in most light. I would be shocked to see anything other than navy, black, or dark gray.

deannagirly

Sometimes it depends on the deceased. My grandfather said he would hate people to wear all black to his funeral. Instead he insisted that people wear his favorite color, which is green (no surprise since he was Irish and VERY proud of his heritage)

MNVegas

At my stepdaughters funeral two years ago people came dressed in everything from jeans to business suits. A lot of people wore colors. I wore a black dress with a teal sweater. 

HisGirlFriday13

My friend's father died in September. I wore a black, pin-striped suit skirt, a black, long-sleeved top, nude hose, and black heels. 

I was raised to wear black, dark grey, or navy only -- dark, somber colours that convey mourning and sincerity in your condolences for the loss.

At this funeral, I saw people with no hose, open-toed shoes, white shoes (it was well after Labor Day), sleeveless tops, bright colours, etc. I was appalled. 

I think, unless the deceased made his or her wishes known (like the PP whose grandfather wanted green for his Irish heritage), I think to wear "casual, comfy" clothes indicates a lack of respect.

KeptInStitches

A black blouse and a black skirt with dark gold vines on it. It's very modest, very demure, a touch of pattern ... for funerals in my family, it's good attire. Nude hose, black matte pumps.

AprilH81

I wouldn't side-eye the lack of hose @hisgirlfriday13.  Very few people wear hose anymore...

HisGirlFriday13

AprilH81 said:

I wouldn't side-eye the lack of hose @hisgirlfriday13.  Very few people wear hose anymore...

@AprilH81: The fact a lot of women don't wear them anymore doesn't make it any less tacky in my book, sorry! A lot of people don't see anything wrong with cash bars anymore, and it's still tacky.

That's my opinion. I recognise it's not widely shared, but that's what I think people should wear to a funeral.

misssunshine17

Thanks, ladies. I didn't know if it was an outdated rule to wear the dark colors.

GypsyWife_

Black maxi and black kimono sweater, black nylons black wedges and pearls. Or black dress dark grey coat nylons that are black with flats.

SP29

I was raised to wear dark colours as well, but it honestly doesn't bother me if someone close to the deceased wears brighter colours. 

If I didn't know someone very well, I would definitely stick to the traditional. Myself, would want my funeral to be a celebration of my life and would encourage people to dress "fun", but nicely.

I think that is what bothers me more- people not dressing appropriately for the occasion. A funeral is not a place for jeans and runners. 

mysticl

You won't go wrong wearing subdued colors to a funeral. 

 Now my grandpa's favorite color was red so my aunt chose her clothes based on that.  Some people view a funeral as a celebration of life instead of a time for mourning and pick clothing based on that philosophy.  

Also, you often don't have a lot of notice for a funeral so some people don't have time to go shopping and go with what they have.  

phira

I went to my first funeral last winter and had no idea what to wear. The general advice I got was to wear subdued/dark colors and neutrals. Basically, nothing flashy, and nothing inappropriate for the level of formality (so, no jeans or sneakers). I did see people wearing colors and light colors, but everything was very appropriate.

It's not clear if the above mentioned hot pink scarf was like ... a winter scarf or a fashion scarf. I felt awkward wearing my clover-green peacoat to a funeral because it was so bright and cheery, but it was either that or my horrifically bulky ski jacket. I got the okay from my future in-laws that no one was going to glare at me if my outerwear wasn't appropriate.

And, um, I barely know anyone under the age of 35 who wears hose anymore. I sometimes wear tights, but I haven't owned pantyhose or stockings since, like, I was 13 and my mom made me wear them to Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. (Caveat--thigh highs for sexy times hardly count)

AprilH81

HisGirlFriday13 said:

AprilH81 said:

I wouldn't side-eye the lack of hose @hisgirlfriday13.  Very few people wear hose anymore...

@AprilH81: The fact a lot of women don't wear them anymore doesn't make it any less tacky in my book, sorry! A lot of people don't see anything wrong with cash bars anymore, and it's still tacky.

That's my opinion. I recognise it's not widely shared, but that's what I think people should wear to a funeral.

Comparing a cash bar to not wearing pantyhose to a funeral are two VERY different things.  Not wearing hose is like deciding not to wear pearls.  It is a personal choice and no one is going to be affected.

I will give you bright colors, tennis shoes, tank tops, etc., but I just can't get up the energy to be upset because someone who would otherwise be appropriately dressed chose not to wear hose.

HisGirlFriday13

AprilH81 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

AprilH81 said:

I wouldn't side-eye the lack of hose @hisgirlfriday13.  Very few people wear hose anymore...

@AprilH81: The fact a lot of women don't wear them anymore doesn't make it any less tacky in my book, sorry! A lot of people don't see anything wrong with cash bars anymore, and it's still tacky.

That's my opinion. I recognise it's not widely shared, but that's what I think people should wear to a funeral.

Comparing a cash bar to not wearing pantyhose to a funeral are two VERY different things.  Not wearing hose is like deciding not to wear pearls.  It is a personal choice and no one is going to be affected.

I will give you bright colors, tennis shoes, tank tops, etc., but I just can't get up the energy to be upset because someone who would otherwise be appropriately dressed chose not to wear hose.

OK, so don't. You don't have to. I'm saying I do get up the energy to get upset about it. That's my personal opinion, which I already said I realise other people don't share. I've said it's my opinion, so you don't have to keep telling me why you disagree with it. I get it; your opinion is that it's NBD. My opinion is that it is. We're gonna have to agree to disagree on this one.

[Deleted User]

I think there may be a slight difference in attire for funerals and memorials. I've gone to funerals and worn dark, subdued colors to be respectful of mourning and went to a memorial recently where everyone, while still dressed appropriately, wore brighter colors and patterns. Has anyone else noticed this?

Senecaf

I always wear a dark gray sweater/blouse and black pants or long skirt.

I'm like 50/50 on the hose thing. Honestly for me it's a seasonal decision. Or I opt for pants so I don't have to think about it.

Spelling edit

AddieCake

I wear dark colors, but I don't judge people who don't. The only thing I judge at funerals are too short or too tight skirts and dresses.

NYCBruin

@HisGirlFriday13 I'm curious about this hose thing.  I work in a fairly conservative office and I don't know anyone who ever wears hose (unless it's cold out) and that includes the "older" ladies.  I interviewed at some even more conservative places and it's still not a norm there.  I know some lawyers who go to court without them.

What is it about the lack of hose that you think makes it tacky?  Is it the bare skin showing?  I guess I just don't "get" it since wearing hose hardly makes an indecent outfit suddenly decent and sometimes it's not super easy to tell if someone is even wearing them.

Bonus fact.  During WWI there was a nylon shortage and my great-grandmother and her friends would draw lines down the back of their legs with markers to make it look like they were wearing hose even though they were going bare-legged. 

NYCBruin

AddieL73 said:

I wear dark colors, but I don't judge people who don't. The only thing I judge at funerals are too short or too tight skirts and dresses.

I agree with this.  As long as you aren't wearing something "sexy" or super "loud" I don't really judge.

KeptInStitches

My mom's cousin wore denim overalls to my grandpa's funeral because he promised my grandpa he would. It felt right that day.

HisGirlFriday13

It doesn't have anything to do with being conservative, really, it's about respect. It's just how I was raised. The question in the thread was "what do you wear?" and that's what I was raised to wear. It's what my mother and grandmother wear (or wore). It's what women in my church wear. It's what women (largely) in my area wear. It's just what I'm used to.

I don't expect this to be a universal opinion, but it's my opinion. I object less to no-hose when you're wearing closed-toe shoes. But you shouldn't be wearing opened-toe shoes (like sandals) to a funeral. Those are casual, fun shoes, and this is a solemn occasion.

And I did know the bit about hose in WWII -- but even look at your example; your grandmother and her friends wanted to give the ILLUSION of hose because it was better to have the ILLUSION of hose than to be thought to be going bare-legged.

ootmother2

Subdued colors such as dark green, navy, etc. unless it's a close relative or friend.

If I'm attending a funeral during the work day, I generally don't change unless I'm wearing something short or extremely bright.

I wore black when my father died but navy for my mom as I was quite young at the latter.

Formal mourning for young children is all white.

NYCBruin

HisGirlFriday13 said:

It doesn't have anything to do with being conservative, really, it's about respect. It's just how I was raised. The question in the thread was "what do you wear?" and that's what I was raised to wear. It's what my mother and grandmother wear (or wore). It's what women in my church wear. It's what women (largely) in my area wear. It's just what I'm used to.

I don't expect this to be a universal opinion, but it's my opinion. I object less to no-hose when you're wearing closed-toe shoes. But you shouldn't be wearing opened-toe shoes (like sandals) to a funeral. Those are casual, fun shoes, and this is a solemn occasion.

And I did know the bit about hose in WWII -- but even look at your example; your grandmother and her friends wanted to give the ILLUSION of hose because it was better to have the ILLUSION of hose than to be thought to be going bare-legged.

That makes sense.  I totally agree with the open-toe shoe thing-they are casual!  I just don't know many people who EVER wear hose, so it's interesting to hear how your experience is completely different.  And it makes sense that if you associate hose with formal/dress up (along with closed toe shoes) then you find it tacky to not wear them to a formal/solemn event.

HisGirlFriday13

NYCBruin said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

It doesn't have anything to do with being conservative, really, it's about respect. It's just how I was raised. The question in the thread was "what do you wear?" and that's what I was raised to wear. It's what my mother and grandmother wear (or wore). It's what women in my church wear. It's what women (largely) in my area wear. It's just what I'm used to.

I don't expect this to be a universal opinion, but it's my opinion. I object less to no-hose when you're wearing closed-toe shoes. But you shouldn't be wearing opened-toe shoes (like sandals) to a funeral. Those are casual, fun shoes, and this is a solemn occasion.

And I did know the bit about hose in WWII -- but even look at your example; your grandmother and her friends wanted to give the ILLUSION of hose because it was better to have the ILLUSION of hose than to be thought to be going bare-legged.

That makes sense.  I totally agree with the open-toe shoe thing-they are casual!  I just don't know many people who EVER wear hose, so it's interesting to hear how your experience is completely different.  And it makes sense that if you associate hose with formal/dress up (along with closed toe shoes) then you find it tacky to not wear them to a formal/solemn event.

It really is interesting to see how people's opinions vary! This is totally just what I am used to. Even as a little girl, I had to wear tights to funerals -- and church, and concerts, and so on. It's ingrained in my (Greek-Irish) psyche, along with "feed all the people all the time much food!" Which, btw, is also appropriate funeral behaviour.

mysticl

HisGirlFriday13 said:

NYCBruin said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

It doesn't have anything to do with being conservative, really, it's about respect. It's just how I was raised. The question in the thread was "what do you wear?" and that's what I was raised to wear. It's what my mother and grandmother wear (or wore). It's what women in my church wear. It's what women (largely) in my area wear. It's just what I'm used to.

I don't expect this to be a universal opinion, but it's my opinion. I object less to no-hose when you're wearing closed-toe shoes. But you shouldn't be wearing opened-toe shoes (like sandals) to a funeral. Those are casual, fun shoes, and this is a solemn occasion.

And I did know the bit about hose in WWII -- but even look at your example; your grandmother and her friends wanted to give the ILLUSION of hose because it was better to have the ILLUSION of hose than to be thought to be going bare-legged.

That makes sense.  I totally agree with the open-toe shoe thing-they are casual!  I just don't know many people who EVER wear hose, so it's interesting to hear how your experience is completely different.  And it makes sense that if you associate hose with formal/dress up (along with closed toe shoes) then you find it tacky to not wear them to a formal/solemn event.

It really is interesting to see how people's opinions vary! This is totally just what I am used to. Even as a little girl, I had to wear tights to funerals -- and church, and concerts, and so on. It's ingrained in my (Greek-Irish) psyche, along with "feed all the people all the time much food!" Which, btw, is also appropriate funeral behaviour.

Which is exactly why I HATE wearing tights or hose.  In you it caused a ingrained habit, in me it caused a huge aversion.  Funny how those things work.  I'm right there with you on the food though.  

cidefi

When I was a kid my mom always put us in Sunday church clothes for funerals. The colors never mattered because we were kids. But as we got older we were taught to wear dark colors like black, navy, grey, and even dark dark green like hunter. I never visit any church or religious fuction in pants or without hoses and pumps. My own church however is a different story.

People wearing summer white all year around bothers me to no end too. You're suppose to wear it after Easter up til Labor Day...ugh

Blergbot

Nowadays I think other colors are generally acceptable, but the outfit should be modest and subdued. And semi-formal (no jeans, but on the other hand, no ball-gowns or tuxes).

lovesclimbing

I would never wear bright colors to a funeral.  I would side eye it unless the person had specifically asked people to wear other things or for it to be a "celebration of life" or something like that.

In a "normal" funeral, I wouldn't necessarily wear just dark grey or black, but certainly only dark colors.

Open-toed shoes, I don't care.  And hose, many women don't wear hose anymore and I frequently don't so I wouldn't care.

clg1213

It's been quite the year.  In January, FI & I ended up staying with my mom/stepdad for several days for his BIL's funeral (FI's sister was separated but FI and the man had always been very close...big brother-like....death was unexpected) and ended up taking a dress from my mom that was black and white....the design was kinda floral, but it still felt conservative/subdued.  Long sleeves, a bit past the knees, fairly loose fit.

A few weeks later, I used that same dress for my uncle's funeral (cancer, had warning, was just a few months after his daughter/my cousin got married).

 

Early this month, my dad died suddenly.  I just didn't want to wear the same dress, even though it had been okayed by fairly conservative dressers, in part b/c I just hated the idea of having a dedicated funeral dress (though haven't worn it elsewhere...yet...).  I ended up using a long black dress that I'd bought but not worn.  It was a bit inappropriate on the top (sleeveless, kinda a "sexy" style) so I wore a black blazer that hid all that.  As part of the immediate family and receiving line, I felt right in all black.

I'd tend to go towards black and simple regardless.  That said, I saw people in all forms of clothing at all of the services (all very different). I think colors and pretty much accepted (though that doesn't make it good etiquette....) It didn't offend me when I was the daughter, but it isn't what I'd do. 

 Though I do like the idea of having a big celebration of life instead of a funeral when the time comes and having people wear fun party attire.

Viczaesar

I wasn't raised to wear dark colors to funerals, and in my family we usually have celebration of life memorials instead of funerals.