NWR: Cash baby shower - vent

lovesclimbing

I know that cash only showers are frowned upon etiquette wise.  But I always thought that, while I would never ever throw one or ask for one, if I got invited to one I would just be like whatever.  So what, I'd just go and have a good time and it wouldn't be a big deal.

So I just got an invitation to my cousin and his wife's baby shower.  It's cash only.  The FB invite (it's a church shower, so tons of people are invited) said "In lieu of gifts, they would like monetary donations toward larger items" (one of those larger items is unmentioned "items from xyz store."

My first thought was "Oh, man, really??"  That's so dumb!  My favorite part of baby showers is oohing and ahhing over the cute little clothes and booties.  I've already looked through stores looking for cute little onesies and outfits (but haven't bought any yet).  Even H (who knows nothing about etiquette and did multiple etiquette blunders in the planning of our wedding) thought it was dumb to have a cash baby shower.

Anyway, I'm planning to bring cute little clothes anyway!  No way am I giving cash.

Also, kind of my point, I always thought I wouldn't feel strongly about a cash shower, even though I would never ask for one myself because I know they're rude.  I know differently now, I do feel strongly about them!

Jen4948

I think a significant percentage of their guests are going to turn down the "invitation" as well as not donate.

"In lieu of gifts" at a shower is one of the most ridiculous things anyone has ever come up with.

SP29

I agree- super rude and ridiculous. "In lieu of gifts"? Cash is a gift. And "you" don't get to determine what another person gives "you" as a gift. 

I also agree, it is doubly ridiculous for a baby shower. That is the fun of opening gifts- oohing and aahing over all the cute clothes and neat toys and baby "equipment". 

I can understand wanting large items, like a stoller, high chair, etc. but it's rude to tell one's guests what to get. I think it is OK if large items are on a registry. Granted, it's nobody else's job but the parents (of the baby) to buy these items, but I have gone in with a group of people to purchase a larger, more expensive option (a stroller) that the mother wanted. Why should this mother assume guest wouldn't be interested in giving a larger gift and only demand cash? 

HisGirlFriday13

The idea of baby showers is to buy the small, cute, fun items for the baby. It is assumed that the parents, having chosen to procreate, are financially responsible enough to have bought the big things already.

I'd be firmly in the "decline" camp.

misssunshine17

I'm with Friday. I wouldn't definitely decline since obviously they appreciate anything that you buy them anyway.

lovesclimbing

I totally agree!  @HisGirlFriday13

I am going though.  I heard about the shower and said I'd go before getting the invitation.  However, I'd go anyway.  I love my cousins and they're great friends.  This isn't the first etiquette thing I've been annoyed with.  They included me on my parents invitation to their wedding.  Never mind that they knew (cousin called and chatted with my parents right after they got engaged) that I was the only one in my family who would be able to attend.  Bride also forced me up for the bouquet toss.

Anyway, I'll still go but I'll probably get a cloth diaper or two and cute clothes.  I don't plan to give cash.  (The invitation also said "one cloth diaper = one entry for a prize drawing.  So cloth diapers are acceptable as gifts but no other physical items.)

One reason I realize I dislike giving cash gifts is because then, the people know exactly how much you gave.  With physical gifts, they don't.  Sure, you could make an educated guess.  A onesie is $10 - $15.  However, they won't know for sure, and I could have always decided to get xyz gift that was cuter/more useful/thought they'd need at a cheaper price point than the more expensive but not as cute/not as useful/probably won't need gift.

Sure, H and I got lots of cash gifts at our wedding for which we were extremely grateful and really helped us out at a time when money was tight right after the wedding, however, I will never give a cash gift at a shower.  (And, if I remember correctly, I only got one cash gift and one gift card and I had two bridal showers with about 40 guests total.)

banana468

HisGirlFriday13 said:

The idea of baby showers is to buy the small, cute, fun items for the baby. It is assumed that the parents, having chosen to procreate, are financially responsible enough to have bought the big things already.

I'd be firmly in the "decline" camp.

I don't follow this logic. By the same notion, if you're financially responsible enough to get married then you won't register for big ticket items? That makes no sense to me. As long as the registry has small and medium priced items, there is nothing wrong with putting some bigger ticket items on there. That said, I agree with you that the couple can't rely on others to buy them just like newlyweds can't depend on their guests to furnish all their kitchen items.

And I do agree on the cash aspect. Blech!

mysticl

banana468 said:

The idea of baby showers is to buy the small, cute, fun items for the baby. It is assumed that the parents, having chosen to procreate, are financially responsible enough to have bought the big things already.

I'd be firmly in the "decline" camp.

I don't follow this logic. By the same notion, if you're financially responsible enough to get married then you won't register for big ticket items? That makes no sense to me. As long as the registry has small and medium priced items, there is nothing wrong with putting some bigger ticket items on there. That said, I agree with you that the couple can't rely on others to buy them just like newlyweds can't depend on their guests to furnish all their kitchen items. And I do agree on the cash aspect. Blech!

And while buying the small, cute, fun items is fun for the gift giver those items aren't always practical for the baby.  My son has several items of winter clothes that were packed away without ever being worn because winter clothing just isn't practical in the deep south in March.  I appreciate the gifts but I feel bad that people essentially wasted their money on something that he never used.  Maybe a future sibling will but there is no guarantee.  He also has a ton of plain, white onesies that were never worn because there was just no need for them.  

What I have learned from having a child is I will never give the gift of a cute outfit again.  I'll stick to the more practical items on the registry and if all else fails there are always diapers.  

monkeysip

banana468 said:

The idea of baby showers is to buy the small, cute, fun items for the baby. It is assumed that the parents, having chosen to procreate, are financially responsible enough to have bought the big things already.

I'd be firmly in the "decline" camp.

I don't follow this logic. By the same notion, if you're financially responsible enough to get married then you won't register for big ticket items? That makes no sense to me. As long as the registry has small and medium priced items, there is nothing wrong with putting some bigger ticket items on there. That said, I agree with you that the couple can't rely on others to buy them just like newlyweds can't depend on their guests to furnish all their kitchen items. And I do agree on the cash aspect. Blech!

I agree with this, and second the notion that buying nothing but a bunch of small things is impractical.

I mean, seriously, parents usually get BOMBARDED with all the cute clothes their baby will grow out of in 2 months, and then none of the things they really needed for the baby.

Of course a couple shouldn't expect their guests to provide a stroller, crib, carseat, bassinet, changing table, etc. for the baby, but a few large items are fine.  Just like putting a few large items on your wedding registry is fine within reason.

HisGirlFriday13

banana468 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

The idea of baby showers is to buy the small, cute, fun items for the baby. It is assumed that the parents, having chosen to procreate, are financially responsible enough to have bought the big things already.

I'd be firmly in the "decline" camp.

I don't follow this logic. By the same notion, if you're financially responsible enough to get married then you won't register for big ticket items? That makes no sense to me. As long as the registry has small and medium priced items, there is nothing wrong with putting some bigger ticket items on there. That said, I agree with you that the couple can't rely on others to buy them just like newlyweds can't depend on their guests to furnish all their kitchen items.

And I do agree on the cash aspect. Blech!

But they're not making a registry at all. They're just demanding cash to buy things they should be prepared to buy themselves.

Both getting married and having a baby should be things you are financially able to do without gifts. Yes, engaged couples register, but it's a wish-list, not a list of things they really cannot do without.

You register for dishes and coffee makers and pots and pans -- things that are useful but not necessary. And if they are necessary, the couple should be ready to buy those items themselves.

If this couple had made a small registry and were quietly putting the word out they would orefer cash, I wouldn't side-eye it at all. But to demand cash so they can pay for things they should buy themselves strikes me as terribly rude.

monkeysip

HisGirlFriday13 said:

The idea of baby showers is to buy the small, cute, fun items for the baby. It is assumed that the parents, having chosen to procreate, are financially responsible enough to have bought the big things already.

I'd be firmly in the "decline" camp.

I don't follow this logic. By the same notion, if you're financially responsible enough to get married then you won't register for big ticket items? That makes no sense to me. As long as the registry has small and medium priced items, there is nothing wrong with putting some bigger ticket items on there. That said, I agree with you that the couple can't rely on others to buy them just like newlyweds can't depend on their guests to furnish all their kitchen items. And I do agree on the cash aspect. Blech!

But they're not making a registry at all. They're just demanding cash to buy things they should be prepared to buy themselves. Both getting married and having a baby should be things you are financially able to do without gifts. Yes, engaged couples register, but it's a wish-list, not a list of things they really cannot do without. You register for dishes and coffee makers and pots and pans -- things that are useful but not necessary. And if they are necessary, the couple should be ready to buy those items themselves. If this couple had made a small registry and were quietly putting the word out they would orefer cash, I wouldn't side-eye it at all. But to demand cash so they can pay for things they should buy themselves strikes me as terribly rude.

I don't think Banana was saying that.  I think we all agree that asking for cash, whether for wedding or baby, is ridiculous.  Just saying that it's ok to register for some big ticket items, but be prepared not to get them.  But certainly there are some family members or friends who do buy you those big items.

mysticl

HisGirlFriday13 said:

The idea of baby showers is to buy the small, cute, fun items for the baby. It is assumed that the parents, having chosen to procreate, are financially responsible enough to have bought the big things already.

I'd be firmly in the "decline" camp.

I don't follow this logic. By the same notion, if you're financially responsible enough to get married then you won't register for big ticket items? That makes no sense to me. As long as the registry has small and medium priced items, there is nothing wrong with putting some bigger ticket items on there. That said, I agree with you that the couple can't rely on others to buy them just like newlyweds can't depend on their guests to furnish all their kitchen items. And I do agree on the cash aspect. Blech!

But they're not making a registry at all. They're just demanding cash to buy things they should be prepared to buy themselves. Both getting married and having a baby should be things you are financially able to do without gifts. Yes, engaged couples register, but it's a wish-list, not a list of things they really cannot do without. You register for dishes and coffee makers and pots and pans -- things that are useful but not necessary. And if they are necessary, the couple should be ready to buy those items themselves. If this couple had made a small registry and were quietly putting the word out they would orefer cash, I wouldn't side-eye it at all. But to demand cash so they can pay for things they should buy themselves strikes me as terribly rude.

She was agreeing that asking for cash only was rude.  She was disagreeing with the idea that baby shower gifts should only be small, cute things and it's wrong to register for bigger items.  It's the same concept as a wedding registry, you register for the things you need/want and if you don't get them you buy them yourself.  Honestly, those "big ticket" items don't have to be that expensive.  You can get a carseat as cheap as $40, I've seen high chairs for under $40, an umbrella stroller runs less than $25 (not appropriate for an infant but they have their uses).  These aren't the fancy version of anything but they fulfill the intended function.  

banana468

mysticl said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

The idea of baby showers is to buy the small, cute, fun items for the baby. It is assumed that the parents, having chosen to procreate, are financially responsible enough to have bought the big things already.

I'd be firmly in the "decline" camp.

I don't follow this logic. By the same notion, if you're financially responsible enough to get married then you won't register for big ticket items? That makes no sense to me. As long as the registry has small and medium priced items, there is nothing wrong with putting some bigger ticket items on there. That said, I agree with you that the couple can't rely on others to buy them just like newlyweds can't depend on their guests to furnish all their kitchen items. And I do agree on the cash aspect. Blech!

But they're not making a registry at all. They're just demanding cash to buy things they should be prepared to buy themselves. Both getting married and having a baby should be things you are financially able to do without gifts. Yes, engaged couples register, but it's a wish-list, not a list of things they really cannot do without. You register for dishes and coffee makers and pots and pans -- things that are useful but not necessary. And if they are necessary, the couple should be ready to buy those items themselves. If this couple had made a small registry and were quietly putting the word out they would orefer cash, I wouldn't side-eye it at all. But to demand cash so they can pay for things they should buy themselves strikes me as terribly rude.

She was agreeing that asking for cash only was rude.  She was disagreeing with the idea that baby shower gifts should only be small, cute things and it's wrong to register for bigger items.  It's the same concept as a wedding registry, you register for the things you need/want and if you don't get them you buy them yourself.  Honestly, those "big ticket" items don't have to be that expensive.  You can get a carseat as cheap as $40, I've seen high chairs for under $40, an umbrella stroller runs less than $25 (not appropriate for an infant but they have their uses).  These aren't the fancy version of anything but they fulfill the intended function.  

Yes!   I loathe any kind of request for cash.   However I totally object to the idea that a shower for a mother is for cute items of clothing only.   We were surprised by what we were having and took the time to put together a baby registry at a variety of price points consisting of items from onezies to wash cloths to the crib.   We truly appreciated the gifts given but many of the hooded towels were returned in favor of the equipment that wasn't purchased.    When I was lucky to get 45 minutes of sleep at a time, I was truly grateful that someone gave us the baby bouncy seat and I didn't give too hoots about whether or not my daughter had ruffles on her rump. 

TeddiD34

Depending on what the parents having this type of shower are like, there's always the possibility that these "cash donations" will not go towards this new baby at all.

It happens.

mysticl

TeddiD34 said:

Depending on what the parents having this type of shower are like, there's always the possibility that these "cash donations" will not go towards this new baby at all.

It happens.

True, but by that token they could return all the physical gifts for cash or sell them if the store will only give them credit.  

southernbelle0915

Asking for money is rude.

Asking for money is rude.

Asking for money is always rude.

I just don't understand how people justify this kind of thing to themselves...

lovesclimbing

mysticl said:

banana468 said:

The idea of baby showers is to buy the small, cute, fun items for the baby. It is assumed that the parents, having chosen to procreate, are financially responsible enough to have bought the big things already.

I'd be firmly in the "decline" camp.

I don't follow this logic. By the same notion, if you're financially responsible enough to get married then you won't register for big ticket items? That makes no sense to me. As long as the registry has small and medium priced items, there is nothing wrong with putting some bigger ticket items on there. That said, I agree with you that the couple can't rely on others to buy them just like newlyweds can't depend on their guests to furnish all their kitchen items. And I do agree on the cash aspect. Blech!

And while buying the small, cute, fun items is fun for the gift giver those items aren't always practical for the baby.  My son has several items of winter clothes that were packed away without ever being worn because winter clothing just isn't practical in the deep south in March.  I appreciate the gifts but I feel bad that people essentially wasted their money on something that he never used.  Maybe a future sibling will but there is no guarantee.  He also has a ton of plain, white onesies that were never worn because there was just no need for them.  

What I have learned from having a child is I will never give the gift of a cute outfit again.  I'll stick to the more practical items on the registry and if all else fails there are always diapers.  

My definition of "cute baby clothes" is anything baby.  Not just the frilly, useless stuff.  Just about anything that small is cute!  Also, I know lots of people who have given an array of clothes from 2 months on up to 1 year size clothes.  

I agree people can give stuff that isn't needed.  However, I can't imagine someone being so silly as to give winter clothes to someone living in the south.  To me, that's something that could be avoided by the person using logic.  "Hmm, they live in the south, they probably don't ever wear heavy coats."

banana468

You'd be surprised at the logic used.   I know more than one mother who said that the clothing received was not usable due to it being for the wrong season.   

southernbelle0915

banana468 said:

You'd be surprised at the logic used.   I know more than one mother who said that the clothing received was not usable due to it being for the wrong season.   

Ugh. People like that suck. If they're that privileged, why the hell do they need a baby shower in the first place? 

mysticl

lovesclimbing said:

mysticl said:

banana468 said:

The idea of baby showers is to buy the small, cute, fun items for the baby. It is assumed that the parents, having chosen to procreate, are financially responsible enough to have bought the big things already.

I'd be firmly in the "decline" camp.

I don't follow this logic. By the same notion, if you're financially responsible enough to get married then you won't register for big ticket items? That makes no sense to me. As long as the registry has small and medium priced items, there is nothing wrong with putting some bigger ticket items on there. That said, I agree with you that the couple can't rely on others to buy them just like newlyweds can't depend on their guests to furnish all their kitchen items. And I do agree on the cash aspect. Blech!

And while buying the small, cute, fun items is fun for the gift giver those items aren't always practical for the baby.  My son has several items of winter clothes that were packed away without ever being worn because winter clothing just isn't practical in the deep south in March.  I appreciate the gifts but I feel bad that people essentially wasted their money on something that he never used.  Maybe a future sibling will but there is no guarantee.  He also has a ton of plain, white onesies that were never worn because there was just no need for them.  

What I have learned from having a child is I will never give the gift of a cute outfit again.  I'll stick to the more practical items on the registry and if all else fails there are always diapers.  

My definition of "cute baby clothes" is anything baby.  Not just the frilly, useless stuff.  Just about anything that small is cute!  Also, I know lots of people who have given an array of clothes from 2 months on up to 1 year size clothes.  

I agree people can give stuff that isn't needed.  However, I can't imagine someone being so silly as to give winter clothes to someone living in the south.  To me, that's something that could be avoided by the person using logic.  "Hmm, they live in the south, they probably don't ever wear heavy coats."

I'm not talking about heavy coats, I'm talking sweaters, fleece, corduroy.  As for what they were thinking, they were thinking in terms of where they lived not where we live and some of them live in the south just not the deep south so they do need winter coats and such.  We had only lived here a year when he was born so our families weren't used to us being this far south.  We do use some of the stuff because we do have some chilly days.  We just don't need a ton and some of it never got used because they judged the size wrong.  That's the problem with baby sizes.  They are done by age, some kids' age matches their size some don't.  My son is slightly smaller so stuff that was bought with the idea he would wear it in the winter didn't fit until spring or even summer.  Especially since some people bought into the hype that babies are always bigger than the sizes state and bought him 6 month sizes with the intention he would wear them at 3 months.  

You're right anything that small is cute.  But during the first year if we weren't going anywhere I didn't put him in real clothes.  I just had him in sleepers, they are much easier for dealing with diaper changes and you don't worry about them being messed up from diaper leaks, spit up, or when they start eating real food.  So when I say I won't buy cute little outfits, I mean I won't buy clothes period, except maybe for sleepers.  

lovesclimbing

mysticl said:

lovesclimbing said:

mysticl said:

banana468 said:

The idea of baby showers is to buy the small, cute, fun items for the baby. It is assumed that the parents, having chosen to procreate, are financially responsible enough to have bought the big things already.

I'd be firmly in the "decline" camp.

I don't follow this logic. By the same notion, if you're financially responsible enough to get married then you won't register for big ticket items? That makes no sense to me. As long as the registry has small and medium priced items, there is nothing wrong with putting some bigger ticket items on there. That said, I agree with you that the couple can't rely on others to buy them just like newlyweds can't depend on their guests to furnish all their kitchen items. And I do agree on the cash aspect. Blech!

And while buying the small, cute, fun items is fun for the gift giver those items aren't always practical for the baby.  My son has several items of winter clothes that were packed away without ever being worn because winter clothing just isn't practical in the deep south in March.  I appreciate the gifts but I feel bad that people essentially wasted their money on something that he never used.  Maybe a future sibling will but there is no guarantee.  He also has a ton of plain, white onesies that were never worn because there was just no need for them.  

What I have learned from having a child is I will never give the gift of a cute outfit again.  I'll stick to the more practical items on the registry and if all else fails there are always diapers.  

My definition of "cute baby clothes" is anything baby.  Not just the frilly, useless stuff.  Just about anything that small is cute!  Also, I know lots of people who have given an array of clothes from 2 months on up to 1 year size clothes.  

I agree people can give stuff that isn't needed.  However, I can't imagine someone being so silly as to give winter clothes to someone living in the south.  To me, that's something that could be avoided by the person using logic.  "Hmm, they live in the south, they probably don't ever wear heavy coats."

I'm not talking about heavy coats, I'm talking sweaters, fleece, corduroy.  As for what they were thinking, they were thinking in terms of where they lived not where we live and some of them live in the south just not the deep south so they do need winter coats and such.  We had only lived here a year when he was born so our families weren't used to us being this far south.  We do use some of the stuff because we do have some chilly days.  We just don't need a ton and some of it never got used because they judged the size wrong.  That's the problem with baby sizes.  They are done by age, some kids' age matches their size some don't.  My son is slightly smaller so stuff that was bought with the idea he would wear it in the winter didn't fit until spring or even summer.  Especially since some people bought into the hype that babies are always bigger than the sizes state and bought him 6 month sizes with the intention he would wear them at 3 months.  

You're right anything that small is cute.  But during the first year if we weren't going anywhere I didn't put him in real clothes.  I just had him in sleepers, they are much easier for dealing with diaper changes and you don't worry about them being messed up from diaper leaks, spit up, or when they start eating real food.  So when I say I won't buy cute little outfits, I mean I won't buy clothes period, except maybe for sleepers.  

I agree with pretty much your whole post!  And, when I looked at onesies and stuff, I only looked at the tiny sizes.  I will definitely be looking at some larger stuff for my new cousin, rather than just the tiny stuff, thank your for making me think of the importance of that!

I wouldn't have minded if they'd registered.  I am just really put off by them asking for cash.  If they had registered for stuff, I would probably buy something off the registry that they wanted.  Also, the FB invite said they were asking for cash for "items from xyz store."  I just don't get why they didn't just register for those items.  I can't imagine that everything they need/want for the baby is big huge items.  The fact of the matter is, they will need clothing of some sort for the baby because they're not nudists. *sarcasm*   So why not register for it?

They're not finding out the sex of the baby, which I suppose could be an argument against registry, but I think that's awesome because then you'll get more gender-neutral clothing.  I'll probably do the same when I have kids, just so I don't get all blue for a boy and all pink for a girl.

banana468

southernbelle0915 said:

banana468 said:

You'd be surprised at the logic used.   I know more than one mother who said that the clothing received was not usable due to it being for the wrong season.   

Ugh. People like that suck. If they're that privileged, why the hell do they need a baby shower in the first place? 

What do you mean?   If you have heavy fleece in a size 3 mo and by the time your baby fits in it, the temperature is 85 degrees it's just a bad purchase.

My point is that it's not uncommon for people to give bad baby shower gifts because they're forgetting that they need to think of seasons and the growth of a baby, that's all. 

mysticl

banana468 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

banana468 said:

You'd be surprised at the logic used.   I know more than one mother who said that the clothing received was not usable due to it being for the wrong season.   

Ugh. People like that suck. If they're that privileged, why the hell do they need a baby shower in the first place? 

What do you mean?   If you have heavy fleece in a size 3 mo and by the time your baby fits in it, the temperature is 85 degrees it's just a bad purchase.

My point is that it's not uncommon for people to give bad baby shower gifts because they're forgetting that they need to think of seasons and the growth of a baby, that's all. 

Exactly.  Opting to not put my kid in a full body fleece outfit, with attached hood and mittens, in May, in southern Georgia just because it was a gift does not make me privileged, it makes me a good mom.  I hate that I haven't been able to use that outfit (because it is seriously adorable) and others and have put them away just in case there is a second child who might have the chance to wear them.  

Anaelsea

There are a ton of websites where you can set up a registry that lists 1: baby crib 20 slots at 20$ each, so the gifters are contributing towards a larger item, that would be better than asking straight up for money, she didn't even make it cute like a poem, or say its a college fund for the baby, which even I would put cash down for.

NYCBruin

Anaelsea said:

There are a ton of websites where you can set up a registry that lists 1: baby crib 20 slots at 20$ each, so the gifters are contributing towards a larger item, that would be better than asking straight up for money, she didn't even make it cute like a poem, or say its a college fund for the baby, which even I would put cash down for.

How is a poem asking for cash ever "cute" or make it less rude?

monkeysip

Anaelsea said:

There are a ton of websites where you can set up a registry that lists 1: baby crib 20 slots at 20$ each, so the gifters are contributing towards a larger item, that would be better than asking straight up for money, she didn't even make it cute like a poem, or say its a college fund for the baby, which even I would put cash down for.

Ok, but doesn't the website just give the couple the money with no guarantee that they'll use it for a crib?  That's still wrong, and really no different than asking for money.

If someone wants to contribute towards a larger gift, they can either find people to combine money with, or they can just buy a giftcard for the store from which the couple can buy the large item.

short+sassy

Schatzi13 said:

When I read the subject line, I thought that maybe they were planning to buy a baby with the cash. (Does that make me a horrible person?)

short+sassy

Schatzi13 said:

When I read the subject line, I thought that maybe they were planning to buy a baby with the cash. (Does that make me a horrible person?)

lovesclimbing

So the mom-to-be just posted on the FB event "we don't know the gender so neutral/earth tone clothing is preferred if you want to bring clothing."  So that's good.  But then she also added a paragraph about larger items so "anything towards that is quite helpful."

Oh well.  I'm looking forward to it and am making a trifle for it.

OnceUponSnow

I can't stand when people decide to have a baby but didn't plan their finances ahead and realize : oops ! this is going to be expensive ! And then proceed to ask for freebies and donations. Would I ever do that for my wedding, honeymoon or first house, it  would be considered extremely rude. But for some reason, it seems perfectly fine to expect it once you're pregnant. 

lovesclimbing

Well, the shower was tonight.  It went well.  Lots of boxed gifts.  They kind of opened the gifts on the side rather than have everybody sit around and ooh and ah but from what I saw, they didn't get a lot of cards with money in it.

The parents to be are not sending thank you cards.  I heard the bride say so.  She said she considered having something (I didn't hear what.  A pre-printed TY or possibly a favor of some sort) with a sign next to it that said "thank you for coming.  By taking this you acknowledge you won't be getting a TY."  She said the only reason she didn't do it was because she forgot.  That wording sounds so weird but I'm pretty sure I'm directly quoting what she said.