VENT YOUR SPLEEN!!

missmo14

Sometimes, planning a Vegas wedding just sucks! Here is a safe thread for us to vent our spleens. I will gladly go first:

 

Today Im venting about people thinking its ok to just 'bring' someone to your wedding cos its in Vegas. I invited YOU - not your random friend who thinks "Vegas is cool and my wedding is just some fun free food and booze". I don't care who you travel to Vegas with, but if they are not a named guest (ie, refer to the names written on your invitation) they are not invited to my wedding!  If YOUR partner can't make it to the wedding, then you are either coming alone or perhaps not coming at all. Maybe I wouldnt be so offended if you actually asked to play swapsies - but no - you simply informed me, like it was some entitlement or right of yours - to bring whichever random you want - cos its VEGAS BABY! None of my friends/family who have had local weddings have had to deal with this.

 

VEGAS WEDDINGS ARE NOT A FREE FOR ALL!

spoon1984

I really don't understand this at all, particularly for you because you're quite a distance away in Australia it's not like its a short road trip! If people want to go to Vegas so much why don't they just go on holiday, why do they need this 'excuse'! You would think they'd rather go at a date which is ideal for them / suits their own circumstances. I would never dream of doing this, if I did end up travelling with other friends I'd never ask or expect them to be invited. I would be planning for them doing their own thing on the day of the wedding. There's a good chance a destination wedding is a more intimate affair to so why would the bride and groom want random people they don't know attending.

missmo14

*sigh*. I dont get it either. I get that Vegas is a pretty awesome place. Heck I love it that much we are getting married there. But a wedding is a private thing. Like I said, I have no issue at all with who guests travel with or what they do during their trip to Vegas.

I think its super rude to just invite somebody to someone else's wedding. Especially without checking with the bride and groom. Who does that??!! I also wouldnt want to be the "random" at a DW with close family and friends of the bride and groom. Can you say AWKWARD!

whosaidsam

I had my FI's half-brother's mom invite herself and her husband. Which ended up being fine because they are family (I guess lol), still, I feel this never would have happened if we weren't having our wedding in Vegas. I also had a (not so close) friend decide to invite himself the day after he broke up with his girlfriend. He didn't even tell me, I found out through a friend a few days later! I let it go because my FI wanted him to come but sheesh!

AllyIdo

Rant here...

We wanted to keep the wedding on the small side, immediate family and FRIENDS since it's Las Vegas. No problem with my family, it's small.

FI has some aunts and uncles we see maybe twice a year at MOST. None live locally. When we were making the guest list, this group was 12 people and put us over our limit. It was his parents who suggested that we not invite them. They want to have a BBQ at their home this summer for the extended family. Not a reception, just a party.

Fast forward to Thanksgiving... And FMIL makes a passive aggressive comment to FI about her family not being invited. I wasn't in the room.

Seriously? YOU said not to invite them. WTF. Apparently her brother is giving her major shit about them not being invited. I was feeling guilty but FFIL set me straight and told me not to worry about it. Thank god.

missmo14

Hahaha @Allyido I know that vent all too well! We have 10 of my mum's friends on our guest list. Of that 10 I only know 3!! They are all yes RSVP's too. I've just accepted it - but I'm so glad you and your FI have put your foot down on the guest list.

shoebunnie

I thought I was going to escape the dreaded "Oh I love Vegas, I can't wait to go your wedding, we already booked our hotel" etc... alas, I have not.  WTH is wrong with people?  My family is small and I didn't invite my cousin.  He told me earlier this month it looked like he and his wife would be able to make it to the wedding.  Mmmmmm I didn't invite you?  Unfortunately he is not the type of person I can just not send an invite to and he will get the hint, I am going to have to either tell my cousin he isn't invited because of venue size or something OR just accept that he will be there...

Vsantistevan

I feel everyone's pain. Every single one of my siblings (I have 5!) decided it was okay to invite people to my wedding. So I made exceptions for a few, even though they aren't even relatives, but I told them if they continue to do it, that they would have to pay for their meals! I am paying $70 a plate at my reception and now I get to spend my special day with people I have maybe said three sentences to in my entire life. ARGHHHH!!

missmo14

Im more frustrated at myself for folding on our guest list and allowing extra people to come. Alcohol has to blame for a lot of those "ssssuuurrreee your hairdressers' cousins friend can come. It will be ffffuuuuunnn!" I should just stop drinking. But on the bright side - we will have one heck of a party. We also have the meet n greet and bachelor/bachelorette parties before the wedding so we will at least get to meet these people before the wedding. Hopefully we wont look back on our wedding photos and be like "who is that??".

KikiMira

I hear you guys! 

My dad's aunt email me and asked me for the details of the wedding because she has not received an invite yet, But nanny (her sister in law, my dads mother) has given her most the info already and "everyone" is super excited about the wedding... I emailed her back and said "Sorry, that was because I haven't sent out the invites yet, I hand delivered the ones a could and the mailed ones are going to be sent out after xmas, to avoid the rush" Ugh, I am not inviting any of them too vegas. That side of the family is almost 100 people. They will be getting the home reception cards in the mail.  

Valeriecruz82

Well let's see my cousin has decided to bring her ex husband to the wedding! This guy blocked me on Fb when I noticed he was seeing someone else and I told my cousin about it. Now he wants to come to my wedding. On top of that shes bringing a friend. Then my best friend is bringing is bringing her mom and her husband is bringing his friend. I'm trying to stay positive about everything but I will nottttt be feeding my cousins ex after the way he's been with me in the past I just cannot get why he thinks it's ok to show up and act like nothing happened.

missmo14

Yeh see thats just all types of wrong! Why would your cousin want the cheating SOB there? AND she is bringing a friend???! WTF? Like I said... guests can travel to Vegas with whoever they want but the wedding is invite only. There is heaps of stuff the uninvited can do to occupy themselves. I could NEVER just turn up to someones wedding without an invitation (or at the very least knowledge that I was listed as a +1).

Jiimanie

OMG guys I can't believe you're having to deal with all of this, what's wrong with people? I'm feeling pretty lucky that we haven't really had any of this. 

My aunt and uncle asked if they could come to the wedding IF there was space, they weren't invited but their daughter and her partner are and they wanted to come to Vegas with them for the trip. We were pleased that they asked us rather than assuming they could attend the wedding, and as we've had a few people tell us they can't come we were happy to give them an invite. 

So far that's the most we've had to deal with, but after hearing about all of your experiences I wouldn't be suprised if we get more! 

Valeriecruz82

Yea I don't even know why she is even speaking to him let alone bringing him! And I've always had a hard time speaking up about things bothering me. I need to tell her I'm not ok with him going!

Jiimanie you are very lucky! That's how all people should go about it instead of just assuming

jayjaay

OMG - I love this ENTIRE Feed!
I am having the same problems!!! I told my family (out of respect) we are getting married in Vegas and it is a Ceremony Only, NO Recep! Everyone automatically said "I'm Coming! I wanna see you get married."  I decide ok, "maybe" I'll send formal invites to the ceremony. (which only holds 50 ppl.) There are some people close friends and some family, that actually just care about seeing us exchange vows and nothing else. It be nice if they are there. Then my mother says "If you invite people to the ceremony and they come all the way out there, you're not gonna feed them?" Ahh NO, I can only afford a ceremony.  You all said you wanted to go to Vegas, go ahead it's a free country, you wanna see us get married by all means join us, that's all on you if you want to take the trip! Now it's turn into this friggin fiasco! Recep, Meet & Greet and all on my own buck! My mother isn't paying for shit and she say's I hafta feed people???  My gut - We will just go on r own the second my dress comes in and then send out announcements that say "We Eloped!" LOL!  WTF, I wanted simple!

missmo14

Wow @jayjaay thats crazy. I kinda do have to agree that if you invite people you have to host something for them after the reception. Are you really going to elope or just suck it up and kill your budget to feed everyone?

Valeriecruz82

@Jayjaay I can see where you are coming from but like Mo said about having to host something. My budget is pretty small that's why we aren't doing a crazy reception we are only serving heavy appetizers instead of full on meals. Plus we are providing alcohol after our little reception on the strip tour.

wrigleyville

Mo's right. You really should feed people. If you can't afford that, then you should avoid traveling to Vegas and have a ceremony/reception at home. 

I don't understand how someone can afford to go to Vegas to get married but suddenly can't afford to shell out $50 for some pizzas. You don't have to be fancy, but you do need to host something.

jaime85120

I haven't had too many uninvited guests but I did go from a cafe eat and chit chat to putting together a meet and greet an after party a couple photo opps and a thank you break fast thing. I'm only paying for the lunch reception in the cafe and some after cocktail s but things have gone so far past simple I'm trying to catch up. Thank goodness me and my family are anti social and are not speaking to half the family. Before things really get crazy. As a side note I cchose vegas cause it's cheaper and less headache s. Staying here wouldn't let me splurge on things I want and it just wouldn't be me

missmo14

jaime85120 said:

I haven't had too many uninvited guests but I did go from a cafe eat and chit chat to putting together a meet and greet an after party a couple photo opps and a thank you break fast thing. I'm only paying for the lunch reception in the cafe and some after cocktail s but things have gone so far past simple I'm trying to catch up. Thank goodness me and my family are anti social and are not speaking to half the family. Before things really get crazy. As a side note I cchose vegas cause it's cheaper and less headache s. Staying here wouldn't let me splurge on things I want and it just wouldn't be me

To the bolded - Vegas WAS cheaper... then we decided to host a meet and greet and bachelor/bachelorette parties. NOW Vegas is just as - if not more than expensive as having it at home. The only difference is, with a smaller guest list... we are able to do more with the same budget and host our guests really well.

KikiMira

missmo14 said:

jaime85120 said:

I haven't had too many uninvited guests but I did go from a cafe eat and chit chat to putting together a meet and greet an after party a couple photo opps and a thank you break fast thing. I'm only paying for the lunch reception in the cafe and some after cocktail s but things have gone so far past simple I'm trying to catch up. Thank goodness me and my family are anti social and are not speaking to half the family. Before things really get crazy. As a side note I cchose vegas cause it's cheaper and less headache s. Staying here wouldn't let me splurge on things I want and it just wouldn't be me

To the bolded - Vegas WAS cheaper... then we decided to host a meet and greet and bachelor/bachelorette parties. NOW Vegas is just as - if not more than expensive as having it at home. The only difference is, with a smaller guest list... we are able to do more with the same budget and host our guests really well.

I agree. The initial wedding was cheaper than home. But with all the add ons... we are pretty close to the same price as at home. But I still feel we are getting a better bang for our dollar. 

jayjaay

missmo14 and Valeriecruz82  thank you for your advise :-)  I had already planned a red bus strip tour meet&greet and ceremony w/ small insuite recep w/ heavy apps. My mother wants a formal recep. Which I am not willing to do.

wrigleyville The topic of this feed is to vent your spleen!! Which was what I was doing. I come here to these boards for support and your reply was rude and not supportive at all!

Who are you to tell a complete stranger "you should avoid traveling to Vegas and have a ceremony/reception at home. I don't understand how someone can afford to go to Vegas to get married but suddenly can't afford to shell out $50 for some pizzas." Do you really not see how "someone" would be completely offended by this comment of yours????  If that was your intension then you got it!

I don't know where you are from but North NJ Weddings run on average 50,000 - 70,000. I am 100% getting the most bang for my buck by having a Vegas wedding. Not only is the 4 day vegas wedding event cheaper, I had enough left over for a honeymoon. When my mother says "feed them" she meant a formal reception w/ trimmings. She doesn't feel what I have planned is substantial enough. Then she should be the one paying for a sit down recep, was the entire point!!! If I wanted to give my guests pizza wrigleyville, I would stay in NJ. We are famous for our thin crust pizza after all.

I hope the next frustrated BTB doesn't run into your Mack Truck of Support.

Have a Wonderful Holiday Season, Cheers!

 

shoebunnie

@jayjaay I wanted to do beer, burgers, and bus for the reception but the FI vetoed it. We are having a very small wedding and settled on an in suite reception with heavy apps and booze with a party bus to follow. And at Mo's suggestion Elvis will make an appearance at the party!

johannaandcraig2014

Yes! I had a friend tell me she was going to probably come with her mom! If I wanted your mom there, I would have invited her! I met this girl's mom once. Also, we do have a budget so my fiance and I decided not to give everyone a plus one, only those we know are in a relationship/married. We have each been to plenty of weddings like this. Some may say it's rude but it's our wedding and we are the ones paying for it! 

jaime85120

I think it should be up to the bride and groom. I'm lucky to not have too many single friends. I told one of my single friends tonight to feel free to bring a friend aka a girlfriend if she would feel more comfortable. I've had to go to a few weddings single and I would've liked someone to hang with when the bride was busy talking to everyone. Plus since it's a destination wedding and she's a little shy I want her to have someone there for times when I'm busy taking pics or doing stuff she won't be included in. That is me but I could see if I had lots of singles that too many plus ones can add up fast

ambularnubular

Giving up my dream wedding to get hitched in Vegas was really tough.  I met my guy in Vegas at a work conference, so LV holds special significance for us.  We like the fun atmosphere and the idea of a destination wedding, even if it is kitschy.  I was also ridiculously stressed just within the first few weeks of being engaged over this and that.  We've both got huge families and between both my parents dealing with chemo treatments for the next year, and family scattered all over, we knew it would be hard to get everyone in one place.  

So, we chose Vegas.  We had enough in our budget to cover flights and a room, our closest friends couple booked their trip with us.  We're inviting a few people, hardest part has been getting the maybe I can make it response.  We haven't picked a venue yet (we are recently engaged and just started planning, the dates 10/04/14, our 7 year anniversary), so we are waiting to see how many people are coming (definitely less than 25) before choosing a venue, etc. 

I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that my dad may not be walking me down the aisle and that my mom will be watching, from a webcast or on a dvd later.  My dad's treatments might be done by then and he may be able to travel, but my mom definitely won't.  She's got over a year of treatment and 2 surgeries to go.  Out of my 6 siblings, only my 2 sisters "might" be coming.  It feels pretty lonely.  Even if we'd had something small here in Salem, none of my family lives here, so we'd be looking at a similar situation for my family's attendance and probably way more expensive.  Boston/New England weddings are hard to come by for less than $6,000 and our budget is closer to $2,000, so we'll probably be looking into that pizza party or a cheap-o buffet.  Luckily it's a pretty casual group, not even sending formal invites.  And we'll be saving here and there throughout the coming months, but we are also saving for a house... so, ya know... the house is more important.

Thanks for letting me vent.  I don't feel right venting to family/friends, just needed a place to get it out.  Amazingly, I feel a little less awful getting it out, even if it just in the interwebs.   

wrigleyville

@jayjaay - I'm sorry if you were offended, but I speak for many guests (including myself) who don't like having to pay for their own food/drinks because the bride and groom are too cheap to do so. 

If someone doesn't have enough money to feed their guests, they either need to redo their budget to accommodate something as cheap as pizza (hence my example) or forgo the idea altogether. People spend a lot of money to travel to Vegas weddings, so the least the bride and groom can do is feed them one meal. It doesn't have to be expensive.

My comment may have been "rude", but so is not feeding your guests.

vegasgroom

jayjaay said:

Who are you to tell a complete stranger "you should avoid traveling to Vegas and have a ceremony/reception at home. I don't understand how someone can afford to go to Vegas to get married but suddenly can't afford to shell out $50 for some pizzas." Do you really not see how "someone" would be completely offended by this comment of yours????  If that was your intension then you got it! 

If her reply "completely offended" you, I'd recommend not posting on internet advice boards; hers was probably a tenth of what you'd see over on the Etiquette or Snarky Brides board.  I thought it was within reason too; if you're going to ask a guest to spend what will easily be $1200 to $1600 once you factor in flights, hotel, meals, a gift and miscellaneous expenses, it's not unreasonable to thank them by way of even an inexpensive reception.  It's quite easy to pull off a 30 to 50 person in-suite for $3k to $4k including the room.

Would the $4k reception satisfy your mom's expectations, perhaps not, but it should more than satisfy most of your guests' expectations unless they all think like your mom and think a reception has to be something you'd see on a Bravo show and everyone's wedding has to out-do the others'.

jayjaay

vegasgroom said:

jayjaay said:

Who are you to tell a complete stranger "you should avoid traveling to Vegas and have a ceremony/reception at home. I don't understand how someone can afford to go to Vegas to get married but suddenly can't afford to shell out $50 for some pizzas." Do you really not see how "someone" would be completely offended by this comment of yours????  If that was your intension then you got it! 

If her reply "completely offended" you, I'd recommend not posting on internet advice boards; hers was probably a tenth of what you'd see over on the Etiquette or Snarky Brides board.  I thought it was within reason too; if you're going to ask a guest to spend what will easily be $1200 to $1600 once you factor in flights, hotel, meals, a gift and miscellaneous expenses, it's not unreasonable to thank them by way of even an inexpensive reception.  It's quite easy to pull off a 30 to 50 person in-suite for $3k to $4k including the room.

Would the $4k reception satisfy your mom's expectations, perhaps not, but it should more than satisfy most of your guests' expectations unless they all think like your mom and think a reception has to be something you'd see on a Bravo show and everyone's wedding has to out-do the others'.

jayjaay

vegasgroom said:

jayjaay said:

Who are you to tell a complete stranger "you should avoid traveling to Vegas and have a ceremony/reception at home. I don't understand how someone can afford to go to Vegas to get married but suddenly can't afford to shell out $50 for some pizzas." Do you really not see how "someone" would be completely offended by this comment of yours????  If that was your intension then you got it! 

If her reply "completely offended" you, I'd recommend not posting on internet advice boards; hers was probably a tenth of what you'd see over on the Etiquette or Snarky Brides board.  I thought it was within reason too; if you're going to ask a guest to spend what will easily be $1200 to $1600 once you factor in flights, hotel, meals, a gift and miscellaneous expenses, it's not unreasonable to thank them by way of even an inexpensive reception.  It's quite easy to pull off a 30 to 50 person in-suite for $3k to $4k including the room.

Would the $4k reception satisfy your mom's expectations, perhaps not, but it should more than satisfy most of your guests' expectations unless they all think like your mom and think a reception has to be something you'd see on a Bravo show and everyone's wedding has to out-do the others'.

jayjaay

@vegasgroom okay don't know what kinda weird PC snapfoo I had so I'm not sure if my comment to you posted or not. If not said that that was my 1st experience on these message board of rudeness. Everyone generally is supportive here. My post was just a vent, that's all - I wasn't looking for advice just putting it out to the cosmos to get it out. On my formal invite it will say something like your presences is gift enough or something to let my guests know we do not absolutely no,t want any gifts because of the expense they have to travel. Agreed the in-suite recp which is what we had planned all along is perfect for us and if it doesn't satisfy my mother to bad for her. Also, we got the "T" suite at The Hotel (which will be Delano)and I will give you a full report.