Wedding Party

BM doesn't know her size

I have a BM who doesn't quite seem to grasp the concept of measurements, and bought a dress that was far, far too small for her.  She thinks it looks great and said that, "tight is in right now," but there's a difference between tight and obscene.  She can't zip the dress, but said she'll just get it switched to have a corset back or pin it.  Is it acceptable to tell her that I understand the confusion between street sizes and BM dress sizes, but that I don't want her wearing a dress in my wedding that clearly doesn't fit?  How should I go about telling her that she needs to buy a bigger size?  Thanks!

P.S.  I'm sorry if this is rude, but the dress is actually obscene with how tight it is and how much it shows.

Re: BM doesn't know her size

  • Uhm, yes, it is rude to tell your BM you think she's too fat for her dress.

    That being said, if she's already bought it there's not much you can do.

    If the dress is truly obscene and your venue lends itself to this, you can ask her to cover up for the ceremony and subsequent photos, but at the reception, you're going to have to resign yourself to the fact she's going to be wearing a tight, short dress.

    You may also luck out in that the dress won't be able to be altered to have a corset back and she will have to either order another size or drop out.

    Regardless, best of luck!

    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • Yeah, you can't say anything w/o offending her. If the dress doesn't fit her and she wears it anyway, she'll be the one looking ridiculous. 

    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • Weird. The dress doesn't even zip up and she wants to wear it in public? Am I understanding that correctly? I don't see this as you telling her she's too fat. If it were simply too tight for your taste, I'd just tell you do deal with it. But it doesn't even zip up. That's different IMHO.

    I think it's fine to tell her something like "I'm really sorry I didn't give you a heads up on that - I know there's a big difference between street sizes and bridal sizes. I really appreciate you coming up with the corset solution to make it work, but I picked these dresses because I love the style and I'm not very excited about the corset look. I'll pay for the shipping to get it exchanged for you." If she's protests and says she wants to wear this dress anyway, I wouldn't push the issue and just let her look ridiculous. She will.

  • You could buy shawls for your wedding party to wear to try to hide the "tightness" in church. (most pics are taken there anyhow).

    Sometimes, taking a picture ahea of time and showing her how it looks in pictures might also get her  to see how ridiculous it looks. Sometimes we don't "see" it until we see it in a photo.

    Perhaps have her try it on and say "oh, let me take a picture" and then show it to her...
  • I like what Southernbelle offered, as I agree that unable to zip is a far way off from just too tight.  Good luck though as if your friend is easily upset by this it may start a fight
  • I agree with southernbelle0915.  Just tell her that you would rather not have a corset back dress.  If all your BM's are wearing matching dresses, tell her that you really wanted all of the dresses to be the same, and that includes the back.  


  • Why not be honest with her and tell her it makes you uncomfortable.  Ask her to get a different dress, and this time go with her. But be prepared for her not responding well and the possibility you might lose a bridesmaid.

    I don't understand how everyone else thinks it's ok for her to look ridiculous- yes we want our bm's to be comfortable, but not at the expense of the bride and or the guests.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
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