fmil vent

hyechica81

so my fmil is older and set in her ways she is in her late 70s and had my fi much later in life. she keeps telling him that she does not want him to get married i never wanted you to get married i am not showing up at the wedding, if i do only to church and nothing more. i have been with my fi for 4 years and in the 4 years i have only seen her a few times. she does not go out much and keeps to herself. i have tried everything  my parents invite her to every holiday but she declines (and my parents have never meet her) we are having a small wedding with close family and friends and she keeps telling him we are doing it to show off. 

i am afraid she wont show up to the wedding not sure if there is anything i can do at this point should i stop worrying and if she shows she shows?

thejucheidea

hyechica81 said:

i am afraid she wont show up to the wedding not sure if there is anything i can do at this point should i stop worrying and if she shows she shows?

Yes.

Lauderdale Pink

She sounds jealous to me.  She wants to be the central focus of her son's life, which is really unhealthy.  You must be a pretty amazing woman to get this man to pull away from such a controlling mother.  Invite her and be polite, but that is it.  Your parents sound like they have been nothing but warm and welcoming.  Fortunately, your FI will get to be part of a new, happy family.

HisGirlFriday13

i am afraid she wont show up to the wedding not sure if there is anything i can do at this point should i stop worrying and if she shows she shows?

1. No.

2. Yes.

If she shows, she shows, and if she doesn't, she doesn't. Either way, the decision will be ON HER and she'll reap the repercussions of that action with her son when she doesn't show up on his wedding day.

FWIW, when my grandparents got married in 1946, my grandfather's mother didn't show up, either. She said, "I didn't think they were serious." It caused a very deep, serious rift in their relationship that lasted until she died, because my grandfather had a really hard time forgiving his mother for that action.

raw1299

You cant do anything. If she doesn't show, she doesn't show. She'll regret it though. 

Chipmunk415

The only one she's ultimately hurting here is herself by missing out on her son's day. Perhaps she expected him to care for her as she aged and views you as "the other woman?" Stop worrying, enjoy the fact that you are getting married, but support your FI if he's feeling down about it, ie "Honey, I'm sorry she's not here for you, but I love you and I am so happy to be marrying you. Please tell me if there's something I can do for you."

If people ask where she is, just smile and say "She couldn't make it." People can make their own interpretations of that line.

FWIW, my dad was threatening not to go to my Big Bro's wedding earlier this year, bc "he didn't know what was going on" (ie, he wasn't in charge/control). My mom (bro and sis's stepmom) finally sat him down and said "This is your only son. You are not paying for the wedding. You will attend the wedding of your son if I have to put you in a straightjacket and strap you in a wheelchair to do it, or SO HELP ME you will not live to regret it." Dad blustered, but attended, was pleasant, and had a good time.