Friend from HS wants to be in wedding - awk situation

Janelle42

Help!! :-(  I've been engaged for almost 2 months and have alot done on wedding planning. I want to keep the bridal party small, (my sis, future SIL, his bro, my bro & friend) and am happy with the people I've asked and the number I have set. I have a friend from HS that I used to be super close with but the friendship has really deteriorated. The first time I saw her after I got engaged, she didn't even ask to see the ring! Now I heard thru a mutual friend that she is asking her if I'll ask her to be a BM and wondering why I haven't done it yet. She hasn't said a thing to me and doesn't even ask about the wedding. A few year ago when we were super close we would talk about each other's weddings. I feel like the friendship has gotten to  a point in which I wouldn't want to have her in the wedding. Plus my fiancé doesn't have anyone else that he'd want to be a groomsmen.  How do I handle this situation without losing a friend or compromising what I really want for my BP? Do I bring it up to her that I dont' want her in it?

southernbelle0915

Janelle42 said:

Help!! :-(  I've been engaged for almost 2 months and have alot done on wedding planning. I want to keep the bridal party small, (my sis, future SIL, his bro, my bro & friend) and am happy with the people I've asked and the number I have set. I have a friend from HS that I used to be super close with but the friendship has really deteriorated. The first time I saw her after I got engaged, she didn't even ask to see the ring! Some people (myself included) are actually annoyed by people asking to see the ring. I never ask for this reason because I want people know I'm happy for THEM, not for their new jewelry. Now I heard thru a mutual friend that she is asking her if I'll ask her to be a BM and wondering why I haven't done it yet. She hasn't said a thing to me and doesn't even ask about the wedding. A few year ago when we were super close we would talk about each other's weddings. I feel like the friendship has gotten to  a point in which I wouldn't want to have her in the wedding. Plus my fiancé doesn't have anyone else that he'd want to be a groomsmen. You don't need to have even sides - so this is a non-issue. How do I handle this situation without losing a friend or compromising what I really want for my BP? Do I bring it up to her that I dont' want her in it? Definitely not. That's like saying to someone who's not invited to the wedding, "hey, I just want you to know that if you thought you might be invited... well you're not. Just so we're clear." Just no, there is no tactful way to do this.

If she hasn't said anything to you, let it go. Carry on with who you want in the wedding. She'll probably hear through the grapevine that you've asked your BMs. If she does bring it up to you, just let her know you've already chosen your BMs, but you're looking forward to seeing her there as a guest (if she's invited).

clarke10

Don't address it. If she's not asking you directly, you don't have to acknowledge her questions. 

Viczaesar

Janelle42 said:

Help!! :-(  I've been engaged for almost 2 months and have alot done on wedding planning. I want to keep the bridal party small, (my sis, future SIL, his bro, my bro & friend) and am happy with the people I've asked and the number I have set. I have a friend from HS that I used to be super close with but the friendship has really deteriorated. The first time I saw her after I got engaged, she didn't even ask to see the ring! Now I heard thru a mutual friend that she is asking her if I'll ask her to be a BM and wondering why I haven't done it yet. She hasn't said a thing to me and doesn't even ask about the wedding. A few year ago when we were super close we would talk about each other's weddings. I feel like the friendship has gotten to  a point in which I wouldn't want to have her in the wedding. Plus my fiancé doesn't have anyone else that he'd want to be a groomsmen.  How do I handle this situation without losing a friend or compromising what I really want for my BP? Do I bring it up to her that I dont' want her in it?

So?  What does that have to do with anything?

Jen4948

Do nothing about it.  Tell this mutual friend that you will address it with this other person in question if she brings it up to you directly, and if this girl actually does and you don't want her in the wedding party, be honest with her about it: "I asked the people I'm closest with now to be bridesmaids.  Unfortunately, as we've grown apart, I didn't get the impression that you'd want to be in it, so I didn't ask you."

Also, you and your FI are not required to have even sides, so even if you did ask her, he does not need to ask someone else to be on his side.  That should have no place in your decision.

ei34

Until your friend asks you directly, you don't have to address it in any way.  If/when she does, just tell her the bridal party is all set.  I went through something sort of similar: two different woman asked if they could be bridesmaids in my wedding.  As kindly as I could I told them that my BP was all set but that I couldn't wait to party with them at the wedding.  I never like to risk hurting feelings, so maybe something like that?  But again, only if she asks you.  If she's saying this to some other friend it shouldn't be something you worry about.  Good luck!

HaileyDancingbear

You don't need to say anything to her unless she asks you directly.  Honestly I think it's really weird that she thinks she'd be a bridesmaid in your wedding when the two of you don't seem to really talk too often.  If she does ask, just tell her you've already picked your bridesmaids, and were hoping to keep your wedding party small.  If she gets upset about it, let her :P  Sorry, my motto with these sort of things is pretty much "I am going to be as nice and polite as I can, and if you still want to get upset, then go ahead and be upset."  You can only keep people from getting upset to a certain point, if they're going to be unreasonable that's not your problem, and it would be very unreasonable for her to get upset because she assumed she'd be in the wedding of someone she barely interacts with.