Just Engaged and Proposals

What do I say??

Mine ring is aquamarine and VERY pale. It can pass for a  diamond. When I tell people that it's aquamarine, I've gotten very hesitant/rude responses.
"Oh, that's... nice." "You didn't want a diamond?" "Why did you get that?" "Couldn't he wait and save for a diamond?" "Why wouldn't you want a diamond?"
The truth is I've never wanted a diamond. I did gave a detailed report on the diamond industry in college and decided I didn't want one back then. And I inevitably get the question "How much did it cost?" and "Where did you get it?" The truth? We paid less than $100 due to a black friday sale and we got it at Sears. He was ready to spend at least $1,000 on a ring and we went to several jewelery stores. This is the one I wanted. I love my ring. What should I say? I feel like I have to defend my choice! Is this really looked down upon?

Re: What do I say??

  • NerdyLucyNerdyLucy member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2013

    Some people are narrow-minded about this kind of thing.  

    I find that most are generally unaware that diamonds for engagement rings is a somewhat uniquely American thing, as well as a recent concept.  Blame De Beers; it was their marketing campaign that did it.

     In other countries, particular in Europe, it's very common for gemstones to be used in engagement rings. Heck, even the royal family does it.  Duchess Sarah Ferguson had a ruby engagement ring, while Princess Diana and Duchess Catherine have a sapphire (same ring).

     

    I have a sapphire ring and have received similar responses, though most of mine have seemed more curious than rude. I always smile and open my eyes wide, then say, "I just LOVE sapphires."    Which is true. I do love sapphires.  If they push, I sometimes say something like, "I just find sapphires more interesting than diamonds." 

    If anyone ever gives me real crap though, I'm just going to tell them that if a sapphire is good enough for Princess Diana, a sapphire is good enough for me.

     

    Officially hitched as of 10/25/13

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  • I will never understand how someone could find it acceptable to ask how much someone's FI spend on a ring. So rude!! I would just answer honestly and say that you didn't want a diamond and that this ring is perfect for you. 
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  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would answer truthfully. You never wanted a diamond and you love your ring. Then bean dip them.
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    southernbelle0915
  • ShallowSeasShallowSeas Indianapolis, IN member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    The fact that people have the nerve to ask how much a ring costs is insane to me. That's so rude. I don't care if my ring cost a million dollars or $50, I wouldn't tell anyone the price.
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  • HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear Arkham Asylum member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Really?  When I tell people my ring is a moonstone they're usually really nice about it and like it a lot. And moonstones are cheaper than aquamarines. Maybe you're just talking to a bunch of assholes?  Jk, although I do think it's insanely rude to say those things about someone's ring, and if I were you I'd reconsider being around these people, life is too short to waste it talking to people who just put you down.  
    First off, I think you should answer these questions honestly.  When they ask "You didn't want a diamond," just say yes, you wanted something different.  If they continue trying to make you feel bad about your aquamarine, feel free to let them know what you learned about diamonds in college, like how diamond mining exploits underpaid workers overseas and how diamonds actually aren't rare at all, they're very common and only cost a lot because they're mined in small quantities.  They're basically expensive for the sake of being expensive.  "Why did you get that?" Because you friggin like it, that's why.  "Couldn't he have saved up for a diamond"  Yeah, you didn't want a diamond, though.  
    If someone really seems to dislike your ring, you can always just be blunt and say "Well then it's a good thing the ring isn't on your finger."  Chances are if one of your single friends is on the receiving end of this it'll be a nice, well-earned slap in the face, because honestly when single friends start being rude to their engaged friends it's usually jealousy.  And the way I see it, a friend should be happy that you're happy regardless of their own love life, because that's what friends do.  They want to make each other happy.  Let their bitchy comments and attempts to bring you down be a sign that they're not really your friend and should be ditched.  
    Or finally, you could just respond with "I love my ring, I helped pick it out, and I prefer my aquamarine to a diamond.  It doesn't matter how much a ring cost, because the only important thing is that my FI and I are in love and ready to spend the rest of our lives together.  I think that means a lot more than material possessions, don't you?" I dare them to continue bitching about your ring after hearing that, because they'll realize that if they DO keep bitching, they're going to look extremely shallow.  
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    chibiyui
  • Simply tell them that you love the ring, and let it drop. My ring is an Australian black opal. Yesterday, the cashier at the airport bookstore asked me if it was a mood ring. I gave a simple answer, and moved onto an appropriate topic.
  • It is none of their business! If you feel the need to answer just say its exactly what you wanted or that you don't like diamonds.  but they dont need to know your reason!  As long as you love it that is all that matters.  I've only had 1 person ask me how much my ring was and i was shocked someone would ask!  And it was a new girl that had just started working in my office, so not even someone i really knew.  I said I don't know and walked away. 

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I would be tempted to ask them why they got that haircut. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    NYCBruin[Deleted User]vmj23huskypuppy14
  • Rude people suck. And it sounds like you've run into some pretty rude people. Sorry for that experience. 

    Like PPs said, just tell them it's exactly what you wanted and you couldn't be happier. 
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  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 Home of SB XLVIII Champs member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    Mine also is an aqua because its my birthstone and I also never wanted a diamond. People are rude. When asked if it's what I wanted I tell people I picked it out. Just ignore them. I LOVE my aqua e ring!
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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    I would say, "Blow it our your ass" and walk away. And/or punch them in the face leaving an imprint. "It feels as hard as a diamond, doesn't it, bitch?".
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  • "Well if my fiance ever proposes to you, I'll make sure he comes up with a 30 carat diamond"
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    kitty8403GlitterWitch22
  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Out of curiosity - Was it males who asked how much the ring cost? I realized only the males asked me that question [I figured they wanted to figure out how much they needed to spend lol]. Regardless, it is a super rude question. Isn't it amazing the things that come out of people's mouths? You do not owe anyone any explanation. But if they ask, just say you never wanted a diamond. People can be so rude lol.
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  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    Wow, that's extremely rude to ask the price.  I agree with PP's to just tell them it's the perfect ring, exactly what you wanted & asked for, and you didn't want a diamond. 

    My e-ring is diamond, but it was FI's grandmothers ring, so he didn't pay anything for it... so your FI still spent more on your ring than mine did on my ring.  But, since mine was free, does that make it any less special? Money doesn't really matter, its the thought behind it that matters... and that you love it.

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  • Forget what everyone says! If you love it, then that's all that matters. Your ring is a symbol of your love and future marriage. Not about did he spend 1,000 dollars or 5.00 dollars. Yes, mine was expensive but it was not about the price. It is about that I have a ring I LOVE and that my wonderful fiance got me. 
  • laureneliz87laureneliz87 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2013
    What incredibly rude questions to ask someone. I'm flabbergasted that people have been this rude to you.

    I have a non-diamond ring as well (blue sapphire), and I expected some questions about it since it's less traditional...but every single person I've shown it to has been so positive about it. I have a bit of a different/funky sense of style anyways, so most of them say something along the lines of it fitting my personality.

    If I were in your shoes, I'd respond to a question like "he couldn't save up for a diamond?" with something along the lines of: "Well, he could have saved enough money to buy a diamond. A gemstone whose value is based solely on years of brain-washing marketing and a false rarity manufactured by a monopolistic empire, and which is mined from the blood of the African people. But this aquamarine is lovely too, don't you think??"...and just keep a great big smile on your face the whole time. ;)

    (for the record: I am actually not preaching against diamonds, and a similar argument could be made against dozens of gemstone varieties and the jewelry industry in general. But sometimes it's just fun to fight fire with fire, and the look on the person's face would be priceless.)
    HaileyDancingbearkitty8403
  • HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear Arkham Asylum member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    What incredibly rude questions to ask someone. I'm flabbergasted that people have been this rude to you.

    I have a non-diamond ring as well (blue sapphire), and I expected some questions about it since it's less traditional...but every single person I've shown it to has been so positive about it. I have a bit of a different/funky sense of style anyways, so most of them say something along the lines of it fitting my personality.

    If I were in your shoes, I'd respond to a question like "he couldn't save up for a diamond?" with something along the lines of: "Well, he could have saved enough money to buy a diamond. A gemstone whose value is based solely on years of brain-washing marketing and a false rarity manufactured by a monopolistic empire, and which is mined from the blood of the African people. But this aquamarine is lovely too, don't you think??"...and just keep a great big smile on your face the whole time. ;)

    (for the record: I am actually not preaching against diamonds, and a similar argument could be made against dozens of gemstone varieties and the jewelry industry in general. But sometimes it's just fun to fight fire with fire, and the look on the person's face would be priceless.)
    I agree 100%.  I don't dislike diamonds, but I think it's really dumb that so many people seem to think you HAVE to have a diamond or else your FI didn't love you enough, especially since they're just expensive for the sake of being expensive.  No offense to anyone with diamonds, but when something is expensive just to be expensive it rubs me the wrong way.  I personally didn't even want one, the first time I saw a moonstone in person and how they play with light, I didn't want any other gem in my ring :)  No complaints yet, though, people are usually more focused on "Holy crap it changes colors and looks like it's glowing" than the price.
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  • I do have diamonds, but I don't have a dang clue what it cost or where it came from. You know why? Because an engagement ring is a GIFT from tie future spouse, and just like it would be rude to leave the price tags on Christmas gifts, it would be horribly rude of me to ask or of him to announce it.
    GlitterWitch22
  • Mine ring is aquamarine and VERY pale. It can pass for a  diamond. When I tell people that it's aquamarine, I've gotten very hesitant/rude responses.
    "Oh, that's... nice." "You didn't want a diamond?" "Why did you get that?" "Couldn't he wait and save for a diamond?" "Why wouldn't you want a diamond?"
    The truth is I've never wanted a diamond. I did gave a detailed report on the diamond industry in college and decided I didn't want one back then. And I inevitably get the question "How much did it cost?" and "Where did you get it?" The truth? We paid less than $100 due to a black friday sale and we got it at Sears. He was ready to spend at least $1,000 on a ring and we went to several jewelery stores. This is the one I wanted. I love my ring. What should I say? I feel like I have to defend my choice! Is this really looked down upon?


    OP, no, it's not looked down on. Sapphires, garnets, jaspers, etc., are mined in my state, so perhaps that's part of why I know so many women/couples who love alternative stones. But I think there's a weird peer pressure to be super-traditional with all things wedding, and people get almost ridiculously pushy/angry about anything that appears to buck trends or be a tad outside the box.
  • ddhb2007 said:
    Simply tell them that you love the ring, and let it drop. My ring is an Australian black opal. Yesterday, the cashier at the airport bookstore asked me if it was a mood ring. I gave a simple answer, and moved onto an appropriate topic.
    I've never seen one of these - I've always seen the white opals.  My mom has one as her engagement ring.

    OP, it sucks that people are saying this.  Just say that you love it and it was exactly what you wanted.  Or don't give any excuses - I've started just saying "why would you ask that", or "what does it matter" when people ask weird questions. 

  • In this day and age, you are going to find more and more rude people who just don't realize exactly how rude they are. Your ring sounds lovely, and if it's exactly what you wanted, then great! My fiance bought me a ring for Christmas last year that I was SO in love with. Honestly, I found it in the jewelry store, and almost cried. lol. I visited it every time we were in the mall. I told him not to come home on Christmas without it. (joking of course!) It was a cushion cut Amethyst with a halo of diamonds around it. I wasn't asking for it to be an engagement ring, though I DID tell him that would be FINE if he wanted it to be!! ;) In the end, I got the ring, as a gift, not an engagement ring, and sadly I couldn't wear it, so I had to exchange it for something else. I still love that ring. And I would still proudly wear it as an engagement ring. As it turns out, I got engaged THIS Christmas, and he (well, his daughter!) picked out a gorgeous, diamond ring. It was very inexpensive, and I don't care. I love my engagement ring, just as much as the amethyst ring. Each of them have a great story behind them, and came from the man I love. What more could you ask for? :)
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