Special gift for stepkids during the ceremony

KMMDJS

Hi all

We want to present special gifts to my new step kids during our ceremony.  For the 13 year old girl we were thinking a nice necklace and ingraved charm.  But for the 11 year old boy we have no idea.  He does not wear jewelry.  Help what do we get for him to present during the ceremony?

manateehugger

Why during the ceremony? Why not after or before?

And get him something he likes! What are his interests? Favorite sports teams? Dream job? It doesn't (and shouldn't if you ask me) be related to your wedding, since the wedding is between you and your future husband, not you and your future step kids. 

NYCBruin

KMMDJS said:

Hi all

We want to present special gifts to my new step kids during our ceremony.  For the 13 year old girl we were thinking a nice necklace and ingraved charm.  But for the 11 year old boy we have no idea.  He does not wear jewelry.  Help what do we get for him to present during the ceremony?

Get him something he would like that relates to his interests.  Get him something you would give him for his birthday or Christmas.

And why do you want to give it to him during the ceremony?  The gift giving should be done before or after the ceremony since the children are not the ones getting married.

jdluvr06

Like the other PPs said get him something that pertains to his interest. I disagree about not doing it during the ceremony. I think it is a really sweet gesture.

chibiyui

Don't do it during the ceremony. Thats awkward.

Signed,

Step-kid.

Jen4948

Don't do this during the ceremony.  Wedding ceremonies are for the union of the bride and groom-not to give gifts to stepkids.

There's no reason why your stepkids can't participate in the roles of bridesmaid/man, groomsman/maid, flower girl, ring bearer, reader, and usher.  But weddings are not parties for kids.  An important life lesson that all kids need to learn is that they are not entitled to gifts whenever there's a family occasion.  They also may not want this kind of attention during the wedding-especially if their other parent is in the picture.

NYCBruin

Jen4948 said:

Don't do this during the ceremony.  Wedding ceremonies are for the union of the bride and groom-not to give gifts to stepkids.

There's no reason why your stepkids can't participate in the roles of bridesmaid/man, groomsman/maid, flower girl, ring bearer, reader, and usher.  But weddings are not parties for kids.  An important life lesson that all kids need to learn is that they are not entitled to gifts whenever there's a family occasion.  They also may not want this kind of attention during the wedding-especially if their other parent is in the picture.

Ditto this.  One of my good friend's father remarried when we were 13.  She didn't even want to go to the wedding, and her dad/future step-mom tried to do something similar with the "we're giving you a gift during the ceremony because it's all about joining us as a family."  As an adult, I now realize this was actually a well-intentioned gesture and her father and stepmother meant well, but at the time (I was also not a fan of step-mom) I remember telling her that "it's bullshit your dad is trying to bribe you into being party of his stupid wedding."  Not saying this is the case for OP, but it's definitely something worth considering.

And this is on top of my usual comments about how weddings are for consenting adults.  Period.

ETA grammar.

misssunshine17

Do it before or after. During is not the time of the place. They are certainly part of your family, but they are NOT part of the marriage- that is between the two of you and it is inappropriate for them to have them involved in something that should be between two adults. 

southernbelle0915

Ditto everyone else. Don't make this part of the ceremony. 

vt&dt

I'm going to echo PPs. I think giving them a gift is very nice, but it shouldn't be during the wedding ceremony. It could be very awkward for them, and I don't think it's appropriate.  

During the rehearsal dinner or the day after the wedding would be a great time.  Does the boy like a certain sports team?  Tickets to a game (for the whole family or just you and him) could be a great gift.

WildMagelet

chibiyui said:

Don't do it during the ceremony. Thats awkward.

Signed,

Step-kid.

Co-signed,

Another step-kid.

If you want to honor the kids have them stand up with their dad or invite them to do a reading. 

hikebikebemerry

Coming from a "step-kid"-

My sister and I were asked to be bridesmaids for my Dad's second wedding. Although it was emotionally difficult, I enjoyed myself and thought it was nice to be included. I was 13.

My Dad's 3rd marriage I didn't go to. I was 20.

In either of these instances, I would have told them to fuck off if they tried to give me gifts. I wasn't getting married, and I was definitely NOT going to be calling wife 2 or 3 "Mom". (Nothing pseasonal, but I have a wonderful mother and out wouldn't feel right calling anyone else Mom.)

Lauderdale Pink

I can see that other posters are all over the board.  First, I LOVE the idea of making their gift part of the ceremony, kind of sounds like putting a ring on the whole family.  I like the idea of a necklace for the young lady.  I also think that every well dressed young man could use a good watch.  Even if he does not love jewelry, a watch is pretty functional, and can also be engraved.

Jen4948

Lauderdale Pink said:

I can see that other posters are all over the board.  First, I LOVE the idea of making their gift part of the ceremony, kind of sounds like putting a ring on the whole family.  I like the idea of a necklace for the young lady.  I also think that every well dressed young man could use a good watch.  Even if he does not love jewelry, a watch is pretty functional, and can also be engraved.

The ceremony is not the time for giving gifts.  To anyone-let alone kids.  It doesn't matter how much you love it.  The stepkids are not the stars of the show and should not be treated as such-nor is anyone else.

Even assuming the stepkids want to receive gifts, this needs to be done in private.

kitty8403

Jen4948 said:

show previous quotes

Lauderdale Pink said:

I can see that other posters are all over the board.  First, I LOVE the idea of making their gift part of the ceremony, kind of sounds like putting a ring on the whole family.  I like the idea of a necklace for the young lady.  I also think that every well dressed young man could use a good watch.  Even if he does not love jewelry, a watch is pretty functional, and can also be engraved.

The ceremony is not the time for giving gifts.  To anyone-let alone kids.  It doesn't matter how much you love it.  The stepkids are not the stars of the show and should not be treated as such-nor is anyone else.

Even assuming the stepkids want to receive gifts, this needs to be done in private.


^This. Although I do like her suggestion of a wristwatch to complement the jewelry OP has already chosen for the girl.

hikebikebemerry

Lauderdale Pink said:

I can see that other posters are all over the board.  First, I LOVE the idea of making their gift part of the ceremony, kind of sounds like putting a ring on the whole family.  I like the idea of a necklace for the young lady.  I also think that every well dressed young man could use a good watch.  Even if he does not love jewelry, a watch is pretty functional, and can also be engraved.

This is what I would have an issue with.  I would be super annoyed, becuase it's not my choice who my Dad remarried.

Although, if you would like to give a gift in private, go for it.  I do agree that a necklace for his daughter, and a watch for his son are excellent ideas.

s-aries8990

Lauderdale Pink said:

I can see that other posters are all over the board.  First, I LOVE the idea of making their gift part of the ceremony, kind of sounds like putting a ring on the whole family.  I like the idea of a necklace for the young lady.  I also think that every well dressed young man could use a good watch.  Even if he does not love jewelry, a watch is pretty functional, and can also be engraved.

YOU might, but as a step kid, I wouldn't want to be "tied" to any step parent. Take the kids out to a special dinner a few days before or after the wedding and give it to them. Make it something special for them, not a way to show off to others (that's how it would have felt to me).

chibiyui

s-aries8990 said:

show previous quotes

Lauderdale Pink said:

I can see that other posters are all over the board.  First, I LOVE the idea of making their gift part of the ceremony, kind of sounds like putting a ring on the whole family.  I like the idea of a necklace for the young lady.  I also think that every well dressed young man could use a good watch.  Even if he does not love jewelry, a watch is pretty functional, and can also be engraved.

YOU might, but as a step kid, I wouldn't want to be "tied" to any step parent. Take the kids out to a special dinner a few days before or after the wedding and give it to them. Make it something special for them, not a way to show off to others (that's how it would have felt to me).

Yeah, giving the gifts at the ceremony screams "Look at what a great step parent I am" and it puts the kid in an awkward spot. Esp. if the kid isn't super happy about the marriage, they'll interpret it as a bribe, one done in public where they can't refuse it or speak their mind. 

At my mom and step-dads wedding, mom asked all of us (he had two daughters) to stand with her. We didn't get gifts for the wedding.  We ranged in age from 7? to 18. 

MrsDeRuyter87

I agree with PP instead of incorporating this into the ceremony present the gifts at the rehearsal dinner, especially if you have  WP too. For the boys gift I think a wrist watch, a nice wallet, if he is a hunter maybe an all purpose swiss army something or other (although his age might not be appropriate for this but who knows maybe he is a mature kid), or a book that peaks his interest (with of course a personal message inside the front cover). Good luck!

Ndelible

I'm going to go against the grain and say that I think it's sweet that you want to include your new stepchildren.  As a second time bride attempting to meld two families, it is important if the kids would like to be included.  We have opted to do a promise with all of the kids, cementing us a family.   Not sure how many who answered actually have blended families but it is not just between two people when there are children from previous relationships (not just marriages) involved; it is between everyone.  That's the fact of the matter.  All of this baloney about just between the adults is bull.  Especially when the children are younger.  Even though I'm doing the full wedding thing this time around, I think that it's the promise, the vow that is most important, not this great wedding industrial complex that is all over TK.  Do what your family wants.  And be happy.  Oh, and the watch or a wallet is a great idea for the young man.

CMGragain

Ndelible said:

I'm going to go against the grain and say that I think it's sweet that you want to include your new stepchildren.  As a second time bride attempting to meld two families, it is important if the kids would like to be included.  We have opted to do a promise with all of the kids, cementing us a family.   Not sure how many who answered actually have blended families but it is not just between two people when there are children from previous relationships (not just marriages) involved; it is between everyone.  That's the fact of the matter.  All of this baloney about just between the adults is bull.  Especially when the children are younger.  Even though I'm doing the full wedding thing this time around, I think that it's the promise, the vow that is most important, not this great wedding industrial complex that is all over TK.  Do what your family wants.  And be happy.  Oh, and the watch or a wallet is a great idea for the young man.

The OP posted 6 months ago.  I doubt she reads your comments.  Stop resurrecting zombie threads.  You are making a habit of it!

Ndelible

Thanks for stalking!

Simply Fated

Ndelible said:

Thanks for stalking!

No one is stalking. When a person posts in a thread, the thread get bumped to the top of the forum.

OwningAHome1981

KMMDJS said:

Hi all

We want to present special gifts to my new step kids during our ceremony.  For the 13 year old girl we were thinking a nice necklace and ingraved charm.  But for the 11 year old boy we have no idea.  He does not wear jewelry.  Help what do we get for him to present during the ceremony?

If you want to give a gift, give a gift. Don't do it at the ceremony. Do it somewhere in private before or after the ceremony. The guests are not there to watch you give gifts to children - they are there to see you get married.

iloveu4ever

Why not give him something sport related, savings bond, amusement park passes?

OwningAHome1981

chibiyui said:

Don't do it during the ceremony. Thats awkward.

Signed,

Step-kid.

agreed. Save it for before or after.