So tired of people giving their opinions about my wedding.

climbingsingle

I really try not to ever discuss the wedding with anyone that's not my FI, parent or future in-law. If a friend asks me a question, I'll answer. But I don't go into much detail. What's really irritating is that when people forget that this is my second wedding - this isn't my first rodeo. One of my good friends is guilty of this. I know she's trying to be helpful, but it just annoys me! 

So this weekend we hung out with my FI's good friends and their 3 year old son. The wife badgered me with questions all day. When we first got into their car, she said to her son, "Matty, are you excited to go to ClimbingBride and FI's wedding?" Uh. We're only inviting FI's step-sister's kids who are 12 and 13. That's it. No other kids! 

I then spent the rest of the day defending my decisions. 

"What does your cake look like?"

"We're not having a traditional wedding cake. I'm bringing in layer cakes and cheesecakes from my job."

"Oh. Why?"

"What kind of flower centerpieces are you getting?"

"I'm not doing floral centerpieces."

"Oh."

"What kind of discount is the hotel giving? Are you doing an after party? You're going to have a shuttle bus, right?"

And then she went on and on about how delicate my ring is (it's an opal, I know!) and how I have to be super careful with it - this is something she lectures me about every time I see her. Lady, I'm 33, not 5. Fucking stop it! 

climbingsingle

prettybirdy27 said:

It's really annoying, but I think she's just excited.  Or maybe she's trying to bond with you.  Or maybe she's jealous because it's not her time.

But either way, it's still really dang annoying.  Bean dip, bean dip, bean dip!

I don't know. Every time I see her, she's like crazy overbearing. I guess it could be a way of her trying to bond. I just irks the shit out of me, you know? 

climbingsingle

Ah, she also asked 35 questions about dress shopping. I'm going to a local salon, yet she spent 20 minutes trying to convince me to go to Kleinfeld's. No matter how many times I said I didn't want to go, she kept trying to convince me. 

emmyg65

This was the worst part of wedding planning. It's hard because even though you know the person (usually) doesn't mean anything by it, you've probably spent a ton of time and thought in making that decision. I usually just changed the subject after answering one or two questions. 

"How's the wedding planning going?"

"Pretty well, we've wrapped up a lot of our projects. How was your weekend?"

And if pressed, "Thanks for asking, but I really want it to be a surprise." 

Or, "I'm kind of tired of wedding planning. Can we talk about something else?"

southernbelle0915

bean dip. lather. rinse. repeat. 

Jen4948

Maybe you just need to say to her, "Friend, we clearly have different opinions about weddings, and I'd rather not discuss mine with you."

climbingsingle

Jen4948 said:

Maybe you just need to say to her, "Friend, we clearly have different opinions about weddings, and I'd rather not discuss mine with you."

See, I can definitely get away with that with my friend. But this other woman - I don't know her that well. Her and her husband have been friends with my FI for years. I don't want to be rude. I'll have to just bean dip her. Most of the day felt like an interrogation. And instead of changing the subject, I just caved and answered all her questions. D'oh!

Amyzen83

It's hard to do when you yourself are just as excited... I would just respond to her critisms that you considered all other possibilies and xyz are what you and fi want. Then find another topic that is interesting so it doesn't appear you are changing the subject

Amyzen83

Euch! I hate it when people give me advice about my wedding especially if it's going to add an extra 10k to our budget, thanks but no thanks! My sister's been trying to give me advice... TERRIBLE advice, basically if I followed it, I'd spend more money on stupid flowers and fluff, and cut out SOs of "not as important guests" because in her mind, "not everyone should get to bring their SO." I'm sorry but if someone's invited to my wedding they are just as important as all of my other guests, and if they are in a relationship, they can bring them. I'm choosing to not have an expensive wedding, and am cutting costs on the less important stuff.

HaileyDancingbear

Ugh, that sounds obnoxious.  Especially the opal being soft thing.  I have a moonstone and I've heard those are relatively soft/breakable too, but that doesn't change the fact that they're friggin rocks and still hard to break XD  I feel like if I were to slam my hand into something hard enough to break my moonstone, I'd be more concerned about how much that would hurt my hand.  

ei34

Wow, that would have reallyy annoyed me.  I want to say maybe that was her way of trying to bond with you?  It stinks that you're not close enough to have just told her to shut up...I don't mind when those I'm close to annoy me because it's easy to put them in their place, but someone like this lady it's harder because you don't want to be rude.  *sending sympathy via the internet*

And WTF assuming her 3-year-old is invited??  Ugh!

kerbohl

I have been fortunate - every time people ask me how wedding planning is going, I give an angry look and say "I hate wedding planning and I'm looking forward to it being over".  And then people don't ask questions . . .
It will come back to bite me.  I'm having a very non-traditional wedding reception, and I have a sneaky suspicion that FMIL, who likes to control things (and who knows very little about the wedding due to this) is going to have a lot of opinions AFTER my wedding.  Apparently she is excited for the flowers.  Umm, I'm not having flowers . . . at all.  Should be fun when she realizes that we were serious when we told her a year ago that we aren't having flowers. 

Amyzen83

kerbohl said:

I have been fortunate - every time people ask me how wedding planning is going, I give an angry look and say "I hate wedding planning and I'm looking forward to it being over".  And then people don't ask questions . . .
It will come back to bite me.  I'm having a very non-traditional wedding reception, and I have a sneaky suspicion that FMIL, who likes to control things (and who knows very little about the wedding due to this) is going to have a lot of opinions AFTER my wedding.  Apparently she is excited for the flowers.  Umm, I'm not having flowers . . . at all.  Should be fun when she realizes that we were serious when we told her a year ago that we aren't having flowers. 

That's the best non-bean dipping response ever!

Bruins63

Dude seriously! She sounds nuts but there are so many people like that who need to chime in. The worst is my best friend (I only have 2 maids and she's one of them)....we've been friends since 6th grade and I've always been insanely cheap/frugal and she's always been insanely over the top with her money and getting into terrible debt. When I bought my house she came over and immediately said "oh my god, you bought the $5 Walmart shower curtain rings?! For god sakes splurge and get nice ones" I was like oh hey I just SPLURGED my entire life savings on a down payment. 

So now she's being the same way with wedding....fiance and I are paying for the whole thing and she's like don't skimp here, go big here, splurge on this, you're already spending this much money you may as well get the best this....I just want to be like oh my god dude enough! I'm already spending double what I had originally planned so shut it! 

Amyzen83

I have a few friends like that, and I'm like dude! Maybe you need to learn what good value is and when you're being ripped off! Most of the wedding industry is a rip off! Just mention anything "wedding" and immediately prices start to soar.

kerbohl

Amyzen83 said:

I have a few friends like that, and I'm like dude! Maybe you need to learn what good value is and when you're being ripped off! Most of the wedding industry is a rip off! Just mention anything "wedding" and immediately prices start to soar.

I HATE that!  I'm also spending almost double of what I intended, because I didn't realize at first how crazy the wedding industry is.  FI and I got to the point that we just called it our "medieval feast" every time we went to a vendor.  When we got ready to sign the contract, then we mentioned the "w" word. 

Jen4948

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Jen4948 said:

Maybe you just need to say to her, "Friend, we clearly have different opinions about weddings, and I'd rather not discuss mine with you."

See, I can definitely get away with that with my friend. But this other woman - I don't know her that well. Her and her husband have been friends with my FI for years. I don't want to be rude. I'll have to just bean dip her. Most of the day felt like an interrogation. And instead of changing the subject, I just caved and answered all her questions. D'oh!

Even with this other woman, you can still say this line.  You can even say, "I know that you have a lot of questions about my wedding, but I'd really rather not discuss it. I'm sorry."

esev624

I get extremely annoyed with people I hardly know wanting to get all this information as well. 

They often preface it with: "The most important thing about your wedding is doing whatever fits you.  Don't make decisions and do things just because others want you to."  Then they go on and on and give you 100 suggestions and insist you use their florist, reception space, etc.  Craziness - let me plan my wedding with ideas from my own friends and people who actually know me!

clueclaw.defunct635777689035314155

After reading these, I feel lucky. No one has really asked me much about the wedding or given a lot of advice. The only person who has asked a lot of questions is my cousin's FI. That is only because she is planning one as well, and we discuss ideas. All discussions have been civil.

My FMIL does ask when I am going to start some of the DIY projects. I feel like I am not doing it soon enough for her. I know they take time, but I have 6 months and I figured it would be better to wait till after the holidays.