Wedding Etiquette Forum

Should I be offended of honored?

My FI and I are attending a the wedding of our two friends this weekend, and just got a FB message from the bride asking we could help serve cake at the wedding reception. And I'm not sure how to feel about this. On one hand I'm always willing to pitch in and help if I see it is needed. However we are traveling a good 5 hours each way for this wedding, getting a hotel, sent then a darn nice gift already,... I just don't know!  Is there an honor to this I am missing? 
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Re: Should I be offended of honored?

  • This is not an honor..its work..I would decline
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  • Yeah, that's not an honor.
  • Not an honor. Decline.
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  • I'd decline unless you really really wanted to serve cake. I'm not getting that impression from your post.
  • Do you feel honored? Or do you feel used? Some would feel one or the other but I guess it depends on your relationship with these people. Honestly I kind of put it on the same level as guarding the guest book - a crappy consolation prize for not making the cut to be in the bridal party but the couple wants you to feel "part of it." In reality it's a favor to them and work.

  • sockmiser said:
    My FI and I are attending a the wedding of our two friends this weekend, and just got a FB message from the bride asking we could help serve cake at the wedding reception. And I'm not sure how to feel about this. On one hand I'm always willing to pitch in and help if I see it is needed. However we are traveling a good 5 hours each way for this wedding, getting a hotel, sent then a darn nice gift already,... I just don't know!  Is there an honor to this I am missing? 
    Ignore the message, do not respond.  Show up to the wedding as planned, and if the bride, groom or anyone else asks you at the reception to help serve cake smile politely and say you just can't because you are getting over a nasty cold or other infectious disease of your choice.
    Ooh, that's good. I like it. OP, you should do this. 
  • IN the spirit of a wedding, feel honored (although my first snarky thought was will you get more than minimum wage??)
  • Alright, that was my gut reaction too. The FI doesn't get why I'm offended and honestly I could place the 'why' of it either. No I don't feel honored. I might, if we were closer as friends. Yet that is jut not the case. 

    So I suppose my moral battle is to A) decline the request or B) biting the damned bullet and doing it because I know how freaking stressful being the bride can be. 
  • I definitely wouldn't feel honored.  But I wouldn't feel offended either.  I would just politely decline the request without any excuse or elaboration.  And then attend the wedding and have a good time celebrating with my friends.

  • IN the spirit of a wedding, feel honored (although my first snarky thought was will you get more than minimum wage??)
    Haha! See, I did think about asking if I should bring an apron or gloves?
  • Ignore the message, do not respond.  Show up to the wedding as planned, and if the bride, groom or anyone else asks you at the reception to help serve cake smile politely and say you just can't because you are getting over a nasty cold or other infectious disease of your choice.
    LOVE THIS!!! Thank you ladies! Brilliant! 
  • Also, TECHNICALLY the hosts of the part should be the ones to cut the cake and serve it to their guests.

    I cannot cut a cake nicely to save my life, let alone a multi tired wedding monstrosity with dowels and shit in it. . . so that's why the caterers/venue staff are going to cut my wedding cake :-)

    Is this wedding reception at a venue with service staff?  They will probably be the ones to cut and serve the cake anyways.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • delujm0 said:

    i don't understand...at every wedding i've ever been to, either someone from the venue or the caterer cuts and hands out the wedding cake.  if this isn't happening at this wedding for some reason, the bride needs to hire a planner or waitstaff to take care of it...you are a guest, not an employee.

    Most venues charge to cut and serve the cake - if I remember correctly ours charged us $2/pp.  So it could very well be a cost cutting tactic, especially if it's a big wedding.

    OP - I would just decline.  B list friend jobs are BS.
  • Alright ladies! Lots of great advice here. I'm glad to you I'm not crazy and this was indeed a 'rude' move on her part. I do feel like this might be a way to save money. Wish, hey don't we all understand that! Weddings are damned expensive. And then it nags me that I know its a wedding of 250 + people, and very little is coming out of the couples pocket. I just wish she had given me more context about this. Whether it was a cost issues or she just wanted to include us. I feel that would makes this a lot easier. 

    All the details aside, for now I think I will not respond. Should I see help is clearly needed the day of the wedding, I will jump in (apron in hand) and help out however I can. 
     
    Thanks again!
  • I would reply with a "Sorry, but I would prefer not to cut and/or serve the cake." then recommend some possible waitstaff/whoever to do the work. 
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  • Why would you be offended ? 
  • Because OP isn't in the bridal party and is being asked to do something for the Bride and Groom and considering it honoring the OP, instead of humbly asking OP to do this as a favor to the Bride and Groom. Not everyone is on pins and needles to do "work" for what the Bride and Groom should either be doing themselves or paying someone to do.
  • I'd do it, but only if my name got to be on the invitation. I mean, I am helping host it after all, aren't I?
  • If you don't respond and are willing to do it if needed day-of, I would assume you are going to be doing it.  If you actually don't want to do it, I would email her back now so she can try to find another sucker line up someone else ("Sorry, I know with the trip I'll be tired and won't be able to serve cake, but looking forward to it!" (or use the cold/flu line)).  
  • Ugh noooooooo cutting cake for people sucks :(  
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