Pre-wedding Parties

Who do I invite to the shower?

Okay first, let me start off by saying, no I am not hosting my own shower, my bridesmaids and mom are, BUT my moh has asked me to put the guest list together. I do not feel comfortable having a huge number of people at the shower since I'm not the one throwing it, I feel like it's rude to invite a large number of people because I don't want to put the burden of paying for a bunch of people on my bridesmaids and mom.

I'm not exactly sure what the protocol for inviting people to a bridal shower is. I do know you do not invite them to the shower unless they are invited to the wedding, but I have a few questions about everything else. 
  1. I've heard you're supposed to invite every female that is invited to the wedding. We are having 250 guests, so this results in 100+ females
  2. I've heard that it's not every female, it's just a few close friends and family. I'm closer to 99% of my friends invited to the wedding than I am to my family, so I feel like only inviting mainly family members and a few friends isn't right
  3. Do I have to invite his family members? (as in cousins and what not) they don't really know me, and I've been to showers where I didn't know the bride and it was super awkward.
  4. I've read on these boards that people think a good number for a shower is around 50, and that anything bigger is just annoying because it's too many presents to have to sit around and watch be opened.
I don't want to ask my bridesmaids to pay for a whole bunch of people, but I also don't know how to cut the guest list down without offending people. 

Thanks for the advice!

Re: Who do I invite to the shower?

  • Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!!

    1.) Unless you are having a very small wedding, no, you should absolutely not invite every single female to the wedding.

    2.) You are correct that shower invitees are typically a bride's "nearest and dearest".  For many brides, the majority of their guest list is their friends.

    3.) No, you do not have to invite his family.  Although, if they live in the same city as the shower, and he is close to them, you may want to consider inviting his mother and any sisters he has.

    4.) The ideal number for a shower depends on you and your circle of family and friends.  I do think 50 is a good upper limit.  Personally, I prefer showers of under 35 - anything bigger always seems to go over 3 hours around here.  And I do not want to spend half of a day at anyone's shower! 

    5.) (I know you didn't have a 5 - this is my unsolicited advice suggestion).  One easy way for me to limit my shower guests was to only invite friends who actually live in the city where the shower was held.  This made my guest list smaller and I felt better about not inadvertently putting pressure on good friends to fly out here twice.  Not sure if this applies to your situation or not.

    CandiceAT
  • Okay first, let me start off by saying, no I am not hosting my own shower, my bridesmaids and mom are, BUT my moh has asked me to put the guest list together. I do not feel comfortable having a huge number of people at the shower since I'm not the one throwing it, I feel like it's rude to invite a large number of people because I don't want to put the burden of paying for a bunch of people on my bridesmaids and mom. I would ask them how many people they can host (they'll want to think about the size of the space and their budget). Or a ballpark figure so you can have something to work from.

    I'm not exactly sure what the protocol for inviting people to a bridal shower is. I do know you do not invite them to the shower unless they are invited to the wedding, but I have a few questions about everything else. 
    1. I've heard you're supposed to invite every female that is invited to the wedding. We are having 250 guests, so this results in 100+ females This is not correct.
    2. I've heard that it's not every female, it's just a few close friends and family. I'm closer to 99% of my friends invited to the wedding than I am to my family, so I feel like only inviting mainly family members and a few friends isn't right It depends who's throwing it. Some brides will have a "friends shower" and a "family shower". Some will have a bride's side shower and her future in-laws will also throw her one. Ask the hosts for clarification on this. Generally, it's the BMs, family and friends. Whoever is closest to the bride. If you don't want to invite all your cousins, just invite your aunts. It sounds like your mom is involved in the planning so she'll sound the alarms if she thinks extended family needs to be there.
    3. Do I have to invite his family members? (as in cousins and what not) they don't really know me, and I've been to showers where I didn't know the bride and it was super awkward. No. I would, however, extend an invite to the MOG. Also, if he has sisters I think it's nice to include them, but not necessary.
    4. I've read on these boards that people think a good number for a shower is around 50, and that anything bigger is just annoying because it's too many presents to have to sit around and watch be opened. I tend to agree. I wouldn't even go with that many. Imagine opening 50 presents and spending time on each one and thanking each person verbally. That would take forever.
    I don't want to ask my bridesmaids to pay for a whole bunch of people, but I also don't know how to cut the guest list down without offending people. 

    Thanks for the advice!

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  • Thanks for the great input!

    @southernbelle I forgot to mention I did ask them for a budget/ # they felt comfortable and they all said "whatever" and I told them that I'm nearing 75ish with my list and that I felt very uncomfortable with that and they all said to me, "that's okay it means more presents for you!"

    I must say I am lucky to have such wonderful, kind and caring bridesmaids who want to put me first, but I still feel bad. You both have given me some ideas as to how to cut down on my list! Thanks!
    southernbelle0915
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Okay first, let me start off by saying, no I am not hosting my own shower, my bridesmaids and mom are, BUT my moh has asked me to put the guest list together. I do not feel comfortable having a huge number of people at the shower since I'm not the one throwing it, I feel like it's rude to invite a large number of people because I don't want to put the burden of paying for a bunch of people on my bridesmaids and mom.

    I'm not exactly sure what the protocol for inviting people to a bridal shower is. I do know you do not invite them to the shower unless they are invited to the wedding, but I have a few questions about everything else. 
    1. I've heard you're supposed to invite every female that is invited to the wedding. We are having 250 guests, so this results in 100+ females No, this isn't the case.
    2. I've heard that it's not every female, it's just a few close friends and family. I'm closer to 99% of my friends invited to the wedding than I am to my family, so I feel like only inviting mainly family members and a few friends isn't right This would be acceptable, but you can add your friends.
    3. Do I have to invite his family members? (as in cousins and what not) they don't really know me, and I've been to showers where I didn't know the bride and it was super awkward.  It's optional, but I think it's a kindness to do so.
    4. I've read on these boards that people think a good number for a shower is around 50, and that anything bigger is just annoying because it's too many presents to have to sit around and watch be opened. I think 50 is a huge number for a shower.  I myself wouldn't go above 30-in fact, I probably wouldn't go above 20 if I can avoid it.
    I don't want to ask my bridesmaids to pay for a whole bunch of people, but I also don't know how to cut the guest list down without offending people. 

    Thanks for the advice!

  • You can also try finding the intersection of people you're close with and people the MoH is close with.  Just because you have a say in the guest list doesn't mean your guests know this, and this is pretty common if you get showered by multiple people (e.g. your female family throws one for your family members invited, friends throw one for friends, etc).
    MalMondo1020
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