Registering and Gifts

Brides first wedding, grooms second

Hello!

       I read somewhere that showers were only appropriate for first weddings, I don't mean PPD's, I mean first marriages. It's my first, but my FIs second. I'm the bride. My attendants want to throw me a shower, but I don't know if that's appropriate since it's not both of ours first marriage, only mine. I have also read that it's okay if it's the Brides first marriage but not the grooms.  

      Whether I want a shower or not is another topic entirely. I'm an older bride and have most of what I need to set up housekeeping. But if I do decide to let them give me one I wanted to know what the etiquette was. My family is clueless and generally a whole host of etiquette violations are gleefully overlooked (mother's giving daughter showers, showers for second, third, fourth babies, cash bars) and I'm trying to change the tide by making my wedding somewhat etiquette correct. 

Re: Brides first wedding, grooms second

  • I think it's fine, especially since it's your first.  If you want to really toe the line, maybe avoid inviting people from his side other than his mom and any sisters.  Frankly, the only people invited from H's side for mine was MIL and SIL... and it was both of our firsts.  There was no drama over keeping the shower to my-side-only (I figured if his side wanted to be included they could throw their own).

    If you're not comfortable with a shower, perhaps consider a tea or luncheon instead.  But I don't think the shower is a problem for you if you want it.
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  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
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    I see no problem etiquette wise for attendants throwing you a shower. 

    If you are not comfortable with a shower, then let them know that, and suggest what @hoffse said, a tea or luncheon.
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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
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    hoffse said:
    I think it's fine, especially since it's your first.  If you want to really toe the line, maybe avoid inviting people from his side other than his mom and any sisters.  Frankly, the only people invited from H's side for mine was MIL and SIL... and it was both of our firsts.  There was no drama over keeping the shower to my-side-only (I figured if his side wanted to be included they could throw their own).

    If you're not comfortable with a shower, perhaps consider a tea or luncheon instead.  But I don't think the shower is a problem for you if you want it.
    I agree. This is my second wedding and FI's first. I've already told my family members and my MOH that I don't want a shower. Everyone already bought me gifts 10 years ago. However, FI's mom is really set on throwing me a shower, since it's the first for FI's side. The only people attending with be on FI's side. 

  • It's completely fine for you to accept the shower. I wouldn't think a thing about it. I agree about not inviting everyone from his family again. 
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  • Thanks everyone. It will be easy to not invite his side, all of  his family live out of state, although if we do have one I will extend and invitation to his mom (no sisters on his side). 
     
    I like the idea of a tea party or lunch instead. I don't really need much and feel funny accepting a shower meant to gift me when I already have most of what I need having lived on my own for the last 20 years. 
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
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    Etiquette wise, you are fine to have a shower. If you don't want one that's fine too. I had a bridal luncheon instead of a shower as this was my second wedding and we chose not to register. It was lovely and didn't have any lame shower games. :) GL!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • I am in the same boat!  My first wedding and his second. 
    We recently combined houses and have two of so many things it feels silly to have a shower!! I heard of a registry that lets you combine a honeymoon fund and gift registry - so we will likely go that route. But I am going to hope for a lunch gathering more than a "shower"!! I think the real purpose of getting together is for the "ladies of the families" to meet - the gifts are secondary! 

  • AprilH81AprilH81 Columbus, OH
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
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    I am in the same boat!  My first wedding and his second. 
    We recently combined houses and have two of so many things it feels silly to have a shower!! I heard of a registry that lets you combine a honeymoon fund and gift registry - so we will likely go that route. But I am going to hope for a lunch gathering more than a "shower"!! I think the real purpose of getting together is for the "ladies of the families" to meet - the gifts are secondary! 

    No.  Don't do this...  It is RUDE.

    If you have a shower you need a traditional registry (or no registry at all and let the guests make their own minds up).
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    manateehugger
  •   We aren't going to do a honeymoon fund. They don't offend me, but I know they are not correct so I won't have one, and we don't really need it. We can fund our own honeymoon.

       We decided to have a small registry of sheets and towels and the like that wear out in case anyone wants to give a gift. I'm probably not having a shower as I don't really need it. 

        
    photokittyAprilH81RebeccaB88
  • It was my first & his second (but family wasn't at his first, long story). I was given a bridal shower by my BM. I was 39 and he is mid-40s and we both lived out on our own. So we registered for things that needed to be updated/replaced or things we would love to have but would never splurge on.
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