How did you split the planning?

thejucheidea

Husband did absolutely nothing for the wedding or honeymoon -- it was all me. I don't mind at all for the honeymoon, but it kinda chapped my ass that he didn't do things for the wedding because we only had a wedding to appease his side, but it's over now, so we're all good.

kerbohl

FI and I did a lot of things together, but just a warning - make sure you play up to your strengths.  There were a number of tasks that I left up to FI, but when he talked with me about the progress he made, it turned out he was doing things wrong because he has been to very few weddings and didn't have a clue what he was doing.  And a few times we made a decision but he got confused and went back on it.  It caused headaches, but now he and I both understand that we should do what we are good at in the wedding planning.  He is more artistic than me, so he's working on decor right now. 

hoffse

H didn't really care what everything looked like as long as I was happy.  So I ended up giving him some tasks that had to get done but that were stressing me out to coordinate: primarily the legal and religious requirements for us to get married in our church.  He set up all those meetings and everything, which eased my mind a lot.

SheMarie82

My FI wants to be involved in the decision making, but she isn't much of a doer.  There are big things that she is in charge of, DJ, alcohol, and she wanted her brother to be our officiant.  Other than that, I just run things by her and gauge based on her reaction.

Al2007smith

You really need to ask him how much involvement he wants in the process. I have a lot of women helping me, but my FI and I make the decisions. He's in charge of finding an officiant because I don't know anyone who could, and he made final decisions on a lot of things. 

It's really about know what he wants to help with and giving him that even if you are a crazy planner, like me. 

MRSreadcomicbooks

Really depends on the husband-to-be here!  And on you, too.  I know a lot of women who planned their entire weddings 100% by themselves (or with help from their moms or bridesmaids) because they felt they could do it, and their husbands didn't care one way or the other.

At first I was prepped to do it mostly alone, with the help of my sister/MOH - but I quickly realized I was being completely stupid.  I get overwhelmed easily and decisions stress me out - hell, unless I 100% KNOW what I want to eat for dinner, I won't even make that decision very easily!  My fiance wanted me to plan it because it's mostly my family coming - all he wants is to get married to me, one way or another.  But I reminded him how terrible I am at making choices (especially hard choices) and I said it probably would never get done if it were all left up to me.  He realized he'd been stupid in assuming I could do it all too, so we've been together on every choice thus far.  I'll probably do the majority of the DIY-ing, etc, by myself or with my family, but the decisions have been entirely ours.

lyndausvi

It's different for each couple.     DH is a chef and only cared about food, booze and the candy bar.  My parents foot most of the bill and DH very much so respected that.   Together with my parents we all picked out the venue and menu.         

Mom, sister/moh and I did the leg work of picking out flowers, invites, DJ, etc.   I then "presented" 2-3 options to him for approval.   I'm not saying his was the final approval, more like "this is the direction we are going what do you think?"  He would agree or want a different font or slightly different color, whatever.      

It worked well for us.   Mom, sis and I enjoy the research, plus we had the time.   He still had a say without having to do all the research work.

He pretty much did the candy bar, his and the GM's attire on his own.  Oh and the cake.  He designed the cake himself.

wrigleyville

When we got engaged, I flat-out asked him, "Is there anything you really, really want, or things that are dealbreakers? How much do you want to help with?"

He just told me "no pink or pastels" and "here's where I'd like the budget to be". Other than that, it was pretty much me and my MOH (who told me she wanted to help me with the planning long before we were even engaged).

As I came up with ideas, I always ran them by H just to be sure, and he did make some minor changes here and there.

He was stoked about the cake tasting. He really did love that part. He couldn't get over the fact we could show up and get "free" cake.

I also gave him the menu choices to look over, but he liked what I'd picked, so he kind of deferred to me on that anyway.

As for the guest list, he told me he wanted to keep it around X number. He helped me with the VIPs in his family/friends, and then his mother helped me flesh it out a bit when we ended up with extra space on the list.

ShallowSeas

FI has helped me pick out the colors, music, centerpieces, food, and the venue.  We went over the guest list together. He plans on helping me with everything. The only thing I plan on doing alone is picking the bridesmaid's dresses and gifts, and my own wedding dress. We have looked at save-the-dates together as well as invitations too.

Anaelsea

Nope. Open bar. Thats it. Thats the extent of his input. Hes very literal(military) so i gave him a chart from my wedding planning notebook that had a page divided into Must Have, and Wish for, he wrote Open Bar, and my name. No other input, he has nothing to say about flowers or cake or anything at all. And i run everything by him. lol.

BlueBirdMB

H wanted the bigger wedding- I wanted a very small wedding.  I wanted a daytime wedding- he wanted an evening wedding.  We had an evening wedding big enough for him to invite all the family and friends he wanted.  After that, he basically didn't care about specifics at all.  I ran everything by him before making decisions, but all he had really cared about was the size and it being a nighttime/dinner wedding.  Oh and he also wanted to taste the food… otherwise, his eyes glazed over when it came to invitations, flowers, etc. 

lovesclimbing

Anaelsea said:

Nope. Open bar. Thats it. Thats the extent of his input. Hes very literal(military) so i gave him a chart from my wedding planning notebook that had a page divided into Must Have, and Wish for, he wrote Open Bar, and my name. No other input, he has nothing to say about flowers or cake or anything at all. And i run everything by him. lol.

Aww, that's sweet.

Weesh

We picked the major vendors together (the venue, the officiant, the photographer, etc.) and he's been a part of the planning in a good way---we've both been honest about what is really important to us and it seems to work for us.  The only thing I've kept to myself is my dress. 

GrrArgh

Kerrots said:

Overwhelmed future Bride here.

I am a very lucky girl in that my Sister, Mother and FMIL are super excited for us and want to help plan the wedding.  Which I am totally going to capitalize on

But I'm really wondering how much the Groom typically does?  I never really thought Grooms did any planning and that it was all the Bride.  I know times have changed but are any of your FI's involved?

How much? Or are they involved at all?

be careful with that combo and also keep in mind that just because they are super excited NOW does not mean in crunch time they will be as keen to help. I had many people/family super excited to help, problem is you start working on other people's timelines and the things you find important may be on their back burner.