Four men...four damn men. *smh*

mrsconn23

Dear Prudie,
Several years ago my husband had an affair that resulted in a child. Although we're still married and he has no interest in a divorce, he lives with the child and her mother. Our family has been shattered and my children occasionally say things that let me know they still carry a tremendous burden of hurt. But we all believe the child bears no responsibility and deserves a father. The mother of the child, however, will never be accepted into our lives. A major problem arises around the holidays. My husband insists on coming over for Christmas, but isn't present in any meaningful sense. He just stares straight ahead. He criticizes little things, opens gifts but never takes them with him, and refuses any offers of food. Nothing we do makes him happy and the harder we try the unhappier he seems. I know therapy for everyone is the answer but he's never been one to open up and previous efforts have been fruitless. What can we do to make his Christmas visit a little less awkward and perhaps even pleasant? I hate to see him so unhappy, but we're tired of having to tiptoe around him all day. 

—Wanting a Merry Christmas

ReturnOfKuus

This cannot possibly be real.

MNNEBride

I would plan to spend Christmas elsewhere with the children and not tell him.  This is weird.

baconsmom

Don't answer the door. 

Also - the affair-kid needs a dad, but the original kids don't? The fuck is that? 

VarunaTT

Lock the damn door.  If he doesn't want to be present, don't be present.  What an all around asshole.  

And why the hell has she not filed for divorce?  Is SHE not interested in divorce?  B/c I sure as hell would be.

AuntFlo

YOU ARE A DOOR MAT, mrs.conn!!!!

Amyzen83

Dude if this happened to me, I'd make the decision for the jerk, DIVORCE! You can't have your cake and eat it too. My children would be more important than skank's kids.

kerbohl

Yeah, I say divorce.  I know someone who is separated from her husband for about a decade and actually asked me if he gets a plus one when he is invited to my wedding, and if he did she would be upset.  Makes me think that she is staying "married" so that he can't remarry.  That mentality stops you from moving on.

Amyzen83

Good point, if wife doesn't divorce her husband, he can't marry slut mistress, but why would any wife do that to herself? That also means she can't remarry either! Idk, if she's not going to divorce him, I wouldn't let him spend any holidays with the wife and kids, if he's going to be a better father to the mistress's spawn over his real kids, then he should get nothing from his real family.

VarunaTT

@amyzen83, you need to calm down with the name calling of the woman.  I get that she's not all high moral standards, but calling her a slut and skank is inappropriate.  You know nothing about her, you do know HE stepped out on his wife.  He's the asshole here.

HisGirlFriday13

Amyzen83 said:

Good point, if wife doesn't divorce her husband, he can't marry slut mistress, but why would any wife do that to herself? That also means she can't remarry either! Idk, if she's not going to divorce him, I wouldn't let him spend any holidays with the wife and kids, if he's going to be a better father to the mistress's spawn over his real kids, then he should get nothing from his real family.

All of the children involved in this story are the d-bag father's 'real kids.' He fathered them all equally. To say that only the kids from the marriage are 'real' is stupid and judgey.

tawillers

VarunaTT said:

@amyzen83, you need to calm down with the name calling of the woman.  I get that she's not all high moral standards, but calling her a slut and skank is inappropriate.  You know nothing about her, you do know HE stepped out on his wife.  He's the asshole here.

Agreed.  Also, the child is not imaginary.  It's still a real child.

tawillers

Duplicate.

thejucheidea

Husband's answer: 'Fuck, he doesn't take the presents with him? I'd be getting that motherfucker things *I* wanted. "Oh, you don't want this iPod? I'll take care of it for you!"'

CLI242009

@amyzen83, you need to calm down with the name calling of the woman.  I get that she's not all high moral standards, but calling her a slut and skank is inappropriate.  You know nothing about her, you do know HE stepped out on his wife.  He's the asshole here.


Stuck in the box!!!!!! (is highly annoyed, tried to quote 4 f$%king times!!!! >.<

Thank you for saying this! I have NEVER understood why when guys cheat or sleep with someone or have an affair, most of the time from what I've seen the girl is the one that gets attacked. It takes two to tango!!! I understand when it's with someone the woman knows (sister, best friend, etc.) I can understand the woman going off on the girl and the guy but I have never understood why when it's someone the woman doesn't know....they attack the girl most of all.

Don't get me wrong I've seen guys get what's coming to them too but the name calling, the fighting, the attacks are usually (again in my experience) aimed at the woman.

also @HisGirl - yeah wtf is this "real" kids BS? They're all living, breathing human beings! Seriously, kids out of wedlock are not real? Did we suddenly go back to the frickin medieval times?!

kerbohl

CLI242009 said:

@amyzen83, you need to calm down with the name calling of the woman.  I get that she's not all high moral standards, but calling her a slut and skank is inappropriate.  You know nothing about her, you do know HE stepped out on his wife.  He's the asshole here.


Stuck in the box!!!!!! (is highly annoyed, tried to quote 4 f$%king times!!!! >.<

Thank you for saying this! I have NEVER understood why when guys cheat or sleep with someone or have an affair, most of the time from what I've seen the girl is the one that gets attacked. It takes two to tango!!! I understand when it's with someone the woman knows (sister, best friend, etc.) I can understand the woman going off on the girl and the guy but I have never understood why when it's someone the woman doesn't know....they attack the girl most of all.

Don't get me wrong I've seen guys get what's coming to them too but the name calling, the fighting, the attacks are usually (again in my experience) aimed at the woman.

also @HisGirl - yeah wtf is this "real" kids BS? They're all living, breathing human beings! Seriously, kids out of wedlock are not real? Did we suddenly go back to the frickin medieval times?!

There are a number of examples of kids out of wedlock in the medieval period being accepted by society . . . sorry, medieval studies is one of my passions.  I understand what you are saying, I'm just being annoying.  The Victorian period, now that's another story.  Stupid Victorians . . .

I second you with the attacking of this other woman.  This guy is being a dick, and his children (both with his wife and with his gf) are suffering for it because of his actions.  I feel sorry for all his poor children.  And I feel sorry for this poor gf, because she's stuck with the jerk, until he finds someone else.  If I were his wife, I'd be happy to be rid of him.

CLI242009

kerbohl said:

CLI242009 said:

@amyzen83, you need to calm down with the name calling of the woman.  I get that she's not all high moral standards, but calling her a slut and skank is inappropriate.  You know nothing about her, you do know HE stepped out on his wife.  He's the asshole here.


Stuck in the box!!!!!! (is highly annoyed, tried to quote 4 f$%king times!!!! >.<

Thank you for saying this! I have NEVER understood why when guys cheat or sleep with someone or have an affair, most of the time from what I've seen the girl is the one that gets attacked. It takes two to tango!!! I understand when it's with someone the woman knows (sister, best friend, etc.) I can understand the woman going off on the girl and the guy but I have never understood why when it's someone the woman doesn't know....they attack the girl most of all.

Don't get me wrong I've seen guys get what's coming to them too but the name calling, the fighting, the attacks are usually (again in my experience) aimed at the woman.

also @HisGirl - yeah wtf is this "real" kids BS? They're all living, breathing human beings! Seriously, kids out of wedlock are not real? Did we suddenly go back to the frickin medieval times?!

There are a number of examples of kids out of wedlock in the medieval period being accepted by society . . . sorry, medieval studies is one of my passions.  I understand what you are saying, I'm just being annoying.  The Victorian period, now that's another story.  Stupid Victorians . . .

I second you with the attacking of this other woman.  This guy is being a dick, and his children (both with his wife and with his gf) are suffering for it because of his actions.  I feel sorry for all his poor children.  And I feel sorry for this poor gf, because she's stuck with the jerk, until he finds someone else.  If I were his wife, I'd be happy to be rid of him.

No problem at all. I just put the first thing that popped into my brain where the "bastard" children weren't considered as important as the children born in wedlock >.> that era is the first one that popped into my brain. So sorry =(

Yes please wife....get rid of his ass. Everyone just sounds like they are suffering. Get him out of your lives!!

Amyzen83

I'm sorry everyone my comments were inappropriate! I just get really heated with infidelity and the guy taking care if the other woman and his child over his original family. At least the new child is being taken care of and I don't know this woman's story for all we know she may not have known he was married. I do however strongly judge men and women who knowingly sleep w married people or pursue relationships w taken people because it's extremely disrespectful and women should not treat other women that way, but I also judge husband even more harshly for his jerk actions.

ReturnOfKuus

I think we can all agree that if you're sleeping with a married guy, and he's not married to you, then you're a pretty crappy person.

CLI242009

I think we can all agree that if you're sleeping with a married guy, and he's not married to you, then you're a pretty crappy person.



**Stuck in the box**

Although there have been times where the person doesn't know the person is married. For me I try not to judge unless I have the full story. If i can't get the full story I try not to get involved.

kerbohl

CLI242009 said:

I think we can all agree that if you're sleeping with a married guy, and he's not married to you, then you're a pretty crappy person.



**Stuck in the box**

Although there have been times where the person doesn't know the person is married. For me I try not to judge unless I have the full story. If i can't get the full story I try not to get involved.

Goodness yes - there are times when the guys have actually had double lives and two wives.  For those who don't know and are genuinely duped, it sucks for them.  For those who don't know, find out, and still keep sleeping with the guy, that's a jerk move again.  So many different scenarios that can happen. 

CLI242009

kerbohl said:

CLI242009 said:

I think we can all agree that if you're sleeping with a married guy, and he's not married to you, then you're a pretty crappy person.



**Stuck in the box**

Although there have been times where the person doesn't know the person is married. For me I try not to judge unless I have the full story. If i can't get the full story I try not to get involved.

Goodness yes - there are times when the guys have actually had double lives and two wives.  For those who don't know and are genuinely duped, it sucks for them.  For those who don't know, find out, and still keep sleeping with the guy, that's a jerk move again.  So many different scenarios that can happen. 

Some of my female co workers have gotten pissy at me when they are going on and on about how much of an asshole their boyfriends/fiance/husbands are....and they got upset with me when I didn't join in on these types of conversations. I always told them that I like hearing the entire story before I go and say anything. Usually I find out as retaliation the girls have gone and cheated with another man or hell woman just to "Show them" (aka their man who was being an asshole or who cheated first, etc.) >.>

So yeah I've learned even from personal experience that until I hear the entire story I'm not about to call a girl a slut or a guy an asshole just because someone I know (regardless of how long I've known them) says they are.