Unsure what to do :(

csmith19788

I asked my sister-in-law to be a bridesmaid and have now found out that her and my brother are separating.  My loyalties are always with my family and my brother and am now unsure what to do.  How do you tell someone that you no longer want her to be a bridesmaid?  Should I wait for her to step down?

Maggie0829

Did you ask her solely because she was your SIL or did you ask her because she is a close and dear friend? Either way, kicking someone out of a wedding is rude. You need to let your brother and SIL deal with their own issues right now, not cause more by kicking her out of your wedding. 

 Edit because of damn autocorrect.

Jen4948

I'd hold off on doing anything.  They may get back together, or they may not, or she may choose on her own to step down.

You shouldn't kick her out, but if she indicates that she's not comfortable being in your wedding party, then I'd allow her to gracefully step down.

csmith19788

I asked her because she's my SIL and because I'm fairly close to her.  I understand that it could cause more drama.  I'm just trying to think of my brother and consider his feelings.

climbingsingle

Jen4948 said:

I'd hold off on doing anything.  They may get back together, or they may not, or she may choose on her own to step down.

You shouldn't kick her out, but if she indicates that she's not comfortable being in your wedding party, then I'd allow her to gracefully step down.

Ditto this. 

Maggie0829

csmith19788 said:

I asked her because she's my SIL and because I'm fairly close to her.  I understand that it could cause more drama.  I'm just trying to think of my brother and consider his feelings.

I understand this but all of this is new and fresh so you don't want to do anything in haste.  Right now your brother probably wants nothing to do with his wife and would be thrilled if you kicked her out, but once the initial anger wears off, he may feel differently.  Just let it play out.  If your SIL wants to step down she will tell you.  I understand your loyalty, but try not to pick sides and just stay neutral because that will help to cut down any drama that may happen if you do otherwise.

csmith19788

That's a good point and you're right, I don't really need to do anything.  If she's uncomfortable, she'll let me know.

southernbelle0915

That's a really tough position to be in. Kicking someone out of the WP is rude and will end the friendship. If you see that happening because of their separation anyway then you just have to weigh whether or not you think it's worth it. 

Whatever you do, I would think about this for a while. You probably have some time before the wedding. If she buys or has already bought a dress for the wedding and you kick her out, you should reimburse her for it.

hlvonb

I would not kick her out or ask her to step down. That's rude and could end what is a perfectly civil relationship right now. I think she may decide to step down on her own if things with her and your brother don't work things out. Let this play out on its own. Worst thing that will happen is that she remains a bridesmaid in YOUR wedding. It's not the end of the world if that happens.

misssunshine17

If you're close enough, can you two sit down as adults and have a conversation about it? She might be at home thinking about how to bow out, or hope that you keep her in since you do have a relationship. I don't think there's anything wrong with opening a neutral dialogue.