XP: including the woman's first name on the invitation?

Simky906

I was talking to a friend last night and mentioned that we will be sending out our StDs after the new year. She told me that she hopes we won't address them "the old fashioned way" as she finds that sexist. I've always seen invites to married couples addressed Mr. and Mrs. John Doe but I certainly don't want to offend anyone. How can we address then to include the man and woman's name? Would Mrs. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe be acceptable? Or is there a better way to phrase this?

hlvonb

It should be Mr and Mrs. Husband's name and last name if married.

MyNameIsNot

Traditional etiquette says Mr. and Mrs. John Doe.  Although it is correct, plenty of women find it sexist and prefer not to be address by their husband's first name.  

For this friend and for anyone else who you know dislikes the traditional style, address their invitation Mr. and Mrs. Jane and John Doe.  It's not formally correct, but is becoming more common.  (IMHO, this will be a recognized option in the near future.)  

For an informal event, you can avoid the issue by skipping titles altogether or by using Mr. and Mrs. Doe.  

CMGragain

I am also a traditionalist, especially for wedding invitations, but if you absolutely insist, it should be Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe.  Personally, I wouldn't like to be addressed this way.

mrsbanany

I consider myself a feminist and while it would make me extremely happy to see Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe (or Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Doe, either one is acceptable IMO) on the invite I would take absolutely no offense to seeing Mr. and Mrs. John Doe only because that is tradition and really wouldn't even think twice about it.

Also if you are doing it the first way make sure you do it in the correct order ex. listing John first because you listed Mr. first. As ridiculous as it may sound listing it in the incorrect oder would bother me more than Mr and Mrs John Doe. I guess I'm just one of those grammar sticklers especially in formal writing. I will be addressing my invites in the first example that I mentioned. 

MyNameIsNot

amandaj424 said:

I consider myself a feminist and while it would make me extremely happy to see Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe (or Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Doe, either one is acceptable IMO) on the invite I would take absolutely no offense to seeing Mr. and Mrs. John Doe only because that is tradition and really wouldn't even think twice about it.

Also if you are doing it the first way make sure you do it in the correct order ex. listing John first because you listed Mr. first. As ridiculous as it may sound listing it in the incorrect oder would bother me more than Mr and Mrs John Doe. I guess I'm just one of those grammar sticklers especially in formal writing. I will be addressing my invites in the first example that I mentioned. 

It's still sexist, but the reason for the order switch is that you aren't supposed to separate a man's first and last name.  It's not a grammar mistake.  

CMGragain

The rule is that the lady's name comes first, unless you use the traditional Mr. and Mrs. John Doe.
There are exceptions to this rule, as in "The President of the United States and Mrs. Obama".

[Deleted User]

H and I wrote the first and last names of the guests on the invitations, no Mr. and Mrs. We were incredibly improper.

CMGragain

Abbyb987 said:

I was talking to a friend last night and mentioned that we will be sending out our StDs after the new year. She told me that she hopes we won't address them "the old fashioned way" as she finds that sexist. I've always seen invites to married couples addressed Mr. and Mrs. John Doe but I certainly don't want to offend anyone. How can we address then to include the man and woman's name? Would Mrs. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe be acceptable? Or is there a better way to phrase this?

How old is your friend?  I am 63, and I was around in the 1970's when the women's movement gained power.  The movement was about giving women CHOICES, not about replacing the old rigid rules with new rigid ones.  There is nothing sexist about using the traditional form of address to a married couple, just as there is nothing sexist about weddings or stay at home mothers.  All are choices.
You should address people as they prefer to be addressed, so for your friend's invitation, you should address her in the fashion she prefers.  Since you won't know most people's preference, you can safe address their invitations in the traditional manner, unless you know that they prefer differently.

majesty318

Piggybacking on this question... my parents are hosting, so the first line of the invitation will say that they request the pleasure of guest's company. However, my dad does not like the traditional Mr. & Mrs. John Doe. He wants it to show both of their first names, no Mr. & Mrs. So whose name comes first? John & Jane Doe or Jane & John Doe?

kgd7357

Hmm good question. We just ordered invites and my dad's name is first. His First Name His Last Name and Her First Name Her Last Name. They are married but have different last names. I asked my parent's what they wanted and just did it that way. However, I think maybe it should have been the other way. Although, I don't really think anyone will care either way.

CMGragain

majesty318 said:

Piggybacking on this question... my parents are hosting, so the first line of the invitation will say that they request the pleasure of guest's company. However, my dad does not like the traditional Mr. & Mrs. John Doe. He wants it to show both of their first names, no Mr. & Mrs. So whose name comes first? John & Jane Doe or Jane & John Doe?


Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Bride's first middle
to
Mr. Groom's Full Name

Mrs. Jane Doe can be used if Mom insists, but generally this is the form for divorced ladies.  Ms. is neutral.