Moms and Maids

MOG wants more formal attire than MOB

In daily dress, neither my mom nor my fiances mom dress up much. They are typically quite casual. We live 1500 miles from my parents so I haven't actually seen what my mom plans to wear for the wedding yet. His mom is much older and doesn't drive so I tried to be nice and took her shopping yesterday. It was quite a different experience from what I expected. While she is normally not very outgoing and just politely shakes her head when she doesn't like something I was not prepared for the vehement "that is ugly" and loud outbursts followed by leaving the store when I suggested outfits. After three stores and 90 minutes I finally got her to tell me somewhat of what she is looking for in an outfit. The problem is she doesn't like anything in dept store plus size formal wear. I'm afraid that she is going to end up in something way more formal than my own mother is wearing. She specifically told me that she can't be seen in anything that her family won't like or will make fun of. Which hurt because apparently it's not the same as her telling me everything I like is ugly. I know that we will never wear the same clothes, but i honestly wasn't prepared for this outing and have no idea how to help her now.

Re: MOG wants more formal attire than MOB

  • peggerzz said:
    In daily dress, neither my mom nor my fiances mom dress up much. They are typically quite casual. We live 1500 miles from my parents so I haven't actually seen what my mom plans to wear for the wedding yet. His mom is much older and doesn't drive so I tried to be nice and took her shopping yesterday. It was quite a different experience from what I expected. While she is normally not very outgoing and just politely shakes her head when she doesn't like something I was not prepared for the vehement "that is ugly" and loud outbursts followed by leaving the store when I suggested outfits. After three stores and 90 minutes I finally got her to tell me somewhat of what she is looking for in an outfit. The problem is she doesn't like anything in dept store plus size formal wear. I'm afraid that she is going to end up in something way more formal than my own mother is wearing. She specifically told me that she can't be seen in anything that her family won't like or will make fun of. Which hurt because apparently it's not the same as her telling me everything I like is ugly. I know that we will never wear the same clothes, but i honestly wasn't prepared for this outing and have no idea how to help her now.
    She can wear whatever she wants because she is an adult. Your mother can do the same. It's just clothes. The important thing is that they both feel beautiful in whatever they choose.
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    KeptInStitchesmelbelleupdoeydoPrettyGirlLost
  • Have you been looking specifically at clothes marketed to mothers of the bride/groom?  I went on a shopping trip with my mother, and she also was very against anything like that.  I suggested some nice ones, but she hated them.  They look very cookie-cutter, and not flattering.  Or, in other words, they looked old and dated, not doing anything for the women wearing them.  Let her pick out something she feels comfortable in.  The formality doesn't really matter, what matters is that she feels beautiful.  My mother ended up picking something that I would never have suggested (because I wouldn't have thought she would like it - I love it, it looks almost Grecian, but I didn't think she liked that style), and it wasn't in formal wear.  Maybe you have to change what kind of dresses you are looking at. 

    PrettyGirlLost
  • I honestly don't care what she wears. I told both mothers the only rule is that they can't wear black. The problem is that she asked me to take her shopping but couldn't explain what she is looking for. Without an idea of what she wants I am having trouble providing suggestions. I know what she wears everyday and for church, but was told church clothes aren't nice enough for a wedding. Then when I suggest more formal outfits she doesn't like them. I want to be helpful, not sure how to do that.
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    peggerzz said:
    I honestly don't care what she wears. I told both mothers the only rule is that they can't wear black. The problem is that she asked me to take her shopping but couldn't explain what she is looking for. Without an idea of what she wants I am having trouble providing suggestions. I know what she wears everyday and for church, but was told church clothes aren't nice enough for a wedding. Then when I suggest more formal outfits she doesn't like them. I want to be helpful, not sure how to do that.

    How about try letting her shop online and show you some outfits she does like.  If she is plus sized, Lane Bryant has some very nice formal gowns.  Why not show her the website? 

    Also, you should allow anyone to wear black to your wedding.  It is no longer a faux-pas to wear black to a wedding.  If either mom finds a black dress they love, you should let them wear it.  It doesn't mean that your mom or FMIL doesn't support the wedding.

    doeydo
  • Yes, I did tell her to look online before our next shopping trip.  Hopefully that will be more helpful to us both!
  • This reminds me of taking my grandmother dress shopping. I started asking her if I could take her a full 6 months before the wedding, but she said she didn't feel like buying one that soon. My grandmother is 92 and a size 2x, so everything takes a very. long. time. She finally let me take her out 2 weeks before the wedding, and then refused to wear anything black/navy/brown - which is what most plus sized dresses are. After 2 hours, she announced that she wanted me to take her - the NEXT weekend - to the store where I got my gown so she could order something "custom made". 8 days before the wedding.

    Thank God for the ladies at David's bridal. They have lots of plus sized, light colored dresses in stock, and were able to alter the heck out of a dress to make it what my grandmother wanted.

    Just wanted to let you know I feel your pain :)

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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    peggerzz said:
     I'm afraid that she is going to end up in something way more formal than my own mother is wearing.
    ^ This contradicts

    peggerzz said:
    I honestly don't care what she wears.
    this^

    Your FMIL can wear whatever she wants.  It doesn't matter if it is more formal than what your mom will be wearing.  I hope she finds something she likes!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • My mom has picked a bright blue dress with bling all over it... very bold earrings and necklace (I actually think I might feel rather plain next to her in my simple gown and simple jewelry). My FMIL has a silver and purple flower print dress with a purple hat in a very classic style. If anyone has opposite looks it is them. I figure if they are happy then meh.
    MairePoppy
  • To be blunt....let her have someone else- in HER family- take her shopping. DHs mother went shopping with my SIL.

    My mom's dress was a little more formal than DHs mother (hers was more traditional MOG). No one cared. They both wore things that they were comfortable in.
  • Here's a pic if it helps... My mom is on the left in teal. MIL is on the right in periwinkle. Mom's dress was floor length, MILs was ankleish.
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