Having second thoughts about the ceremony.

climbingsingle

As some of you may remember, my FI wants to hang off a cliff for our ceremony. And I was 100% on board. 

Until I found my dress on Friday. And now, I really don't want to do it. I want to walk down an aisle. I want my dad to give me away. The dress has made me change how I feel. It's crazy. After I bought my dress Friday, we all went out for lunch (my mom, FI's mom, MOH and another close friend). They all agree that we should nix the cliff ceremony. But now I have to discuss it with FI. I feel terrible. I know he has his heart set on doing the ceremony like this. And I know ultimately he'll agree because he wants me to be happy. But I want him to be happy too and I feel like changing the ceremony is sort of removing his "voice" from the wedding. 

I'll have to think of some way to incorporate this. Maybe we can go climbing the next day and take pictures. 

PolarBearFitz

As I learned for myself when you get your dress all of a sudden a lot of feels happen. I wouldn't feel too terrible as I am sure your FI may even agree and want a change to. He will probably be over the moon seeing you walk down the aisle in your dress to him. Plus he'll be able to see you so much better than if you were off a cliff together.

Can you maybe have a grooms cake that is in the shape of a mountain with you two hanging off? I think that would be an awesome cake.

climbingsingle

alisonmarie658 said:

I kind of feel like you should have talked about it with your FI before you and the other ladies all decided to nix the cliff wedding. That aside -- I think he can understand you wanting to have the traditional trappings of a wedding -- walking down the aisle, etc. There has to be a compromise in there somewhere.

I didn't decide to nix it with the other ladies. When I was at the salon, I instantly felt that I wanted to talk down the aisle in that dress. At lunch, FI's mom brought it up. The rest of the ladies voiced their opinions too. And after that, I told them that I think I agree. 

JCbride2015

Can you take some climbing pictures before or after the ceremony?

climbingsingle

alisonmarie658 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

alisonmarie658 said:

I kind of feel like you should have talked about it with your FI before you and the other ladies all decided to nix the cliff wedding. That aside -- I think he can understand you wanting to have the traditional trappings of a wedding -- walking down the aisle, etc. There has to be a compromise in there somewhere.

I didn't decide to nix it with the other ladies. When I was at the salon, I instantly felt that I wanted to talk down the aisle in that dress. At lunch, FI's mom brought it up. The rest of the ladies voiced their opinions too. And after that, I told them that I think I agree. 

That makes sense -- hope I didn't offend you!

Maybe FI will have some good compromise ideas. Could you do pics after on the cliff?

No worries! I definitely think doing pictures either the day before or the next day would be great. 

OliveOilsMom

Anyway you can do a rock/trash the dress shoot in that dress, while hanging off a cliff?  My other idea would be to go rock climbing on your honeymoon and do very personal and private vows there, while have a more traditional set of vows at your ceremony.

arrippa

Maybe wait until your 5 or 10 year anniversary and say your vows again off the cliff? I like the trash the dress idea. You could get some great pictures!

photokitty

I'm not surprised… I always thought I'd want to elope when I got married again and not spend an arm and leg on one day of my life again. 

Then we got engaged and I totally wanted the big shebang again (sort wish we had eloped because how much we spent and we still kept the budget pretty in check).

I would totally do a trash the dress if you don't nix the cliff.

I think he's going to cave and really would prefer to have a regular ceremony - I'm basing this on him verbally inviting  a couple of his friends and having to unite them. I think he'll want to have everyone there to see the ceremony when you sit down and talk about it. That's how we ended up with a giant wedding - we both wanted everyone there to see the wedding, not just the party

GL and keep us posted!

climbingsingle

photokitty said:

I'm not surprised… I always thought I'd want to elope when I got married again and not spend an arm and leg on one day of my life again. 

Then we got engaged and I totally wanted the big shebang again (sort wish we had eloped because how much we spent and we still kept the budget pretty in check).

I would totally do a trash the dress if you don't nix the cliff.

I think he's going to cave and really would prefer to have a regular ceremony - I'm basing this on him verbally inviting  a couple of his friends and having to unite them. I think he'll want to have everyone there to see the ceremony when you sit down and talk about it. That's how we ended up with a giant wedding - we both wanted everyone there to see the wedding, not just the party

GL and keep us posted!

I think you're totally right. The fact that he invited people is a good sign! 

I'm thinking I will talk to him when he gets back from skiing this week. He'll be in a good mood :-P

pumpkinsandturkeys

I would either go with the before/after pics session off the cliff, or do a one-year vow renewal while hanging off of the cliff. Then you don't have to wait forever to do it, and you get to both walk down an aisle and feel like a traditional bride AND fulfill your FI's desire to say your vows in a unique and exciting way.

misssunshine17

Honestly, the cliff thing never really made sense to me. I mean, unique and all, but I didn't understand your rationale with a lot of it. Not trying to be snotty, promise. 

What would you change? Would you now invite everyone to the ceremony? I guess my big thing is I don't understand why hanging off a cliff is more important than having all your guests present at the actual ceremony.

climbingsingle

Honestly, the cliff thing never really made sense to me. I mean, unique and all, but I didn't understand your rationale with a lot of it. Not trying to be snotty, promise. 

What would you change? Would you now invite everyone to the ceremony? I guess my big thing is I don't understand why hanging off a cliff is more important than having all your guests present at the actual ceremony.

*stuck in box*

The cliff ceremony was something that my FI came up with. He told me about this idea the day after we got engaged. I was unsure of it, but I could tell that he really had his heart set on it. And I wanted to make it happen for him, you know? He's a bit of a daredevil and he wanted to do something totally nontraditional. He loves rock climbing. He loves nature. He loves being outside. I'm guessing that's how he came up with the idea. 

Once we researched the idea more (there have actually been quite a few couples that have had their ceremonies like that, just google rock climbing wedding), we realized that it would not be possible to have everyone attend the ceremony - the logistics just don't work. So I told FI it would have to be private ceremony with just our parents. And I was disappointed, but again, it was something FI really, really wanted. And I wanted to make it happen for him. 

misssunshine17

I get that, I guess. I guess I probably would have come up with more of a compromise from the beginning.  So what is the plan now? Have you discussed it with FI?

climbingsingle

I tend to be a people pleaser. So instead of coming up with a compromise, I just said, "Sure, of course we can do that." 

I haven't discussed it with FI yet. He's skiing in Vermont and is supposed to come home late tonight. 

misssunshine17

Aw, man. Sorry you're in this situation. I think if you tell him honestly how much the dress makes you re-think it, you might be able to come up with something. I have my fingers crossed for something that makes you both happy!

climbingsingle

misssunshine17 said:

Aw, man. Sorry you're in this situation. I think if you tell him honestly how much the dress makes you re-think it, you might be able to come up with something. I have my fingers crossed for something that makes you both happy!

Thank you!! 

easilyunamused

So @climbingbrideNY, did you talk to your FI about this yet?

climbingsingle

Not yet. He got home after I was in bed on Tuesday. Wednesday and Thursday were not good days to bring it up - he worked two very long days and then we had to go out to dinner with another couple. I'm going to talk to him tonight. 

PolarBearFitz

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Not yet. He got home after I was in bed on Tuesday. Wednesday and Thursday were not good days to bring it up - he worked two very long days and then we had to go out to dinner with another couple. I'm going to talk to him tonight. 

Good luck!!!