XP: Thoughts on my DIY invites

CrystaH11

I bought the invites at JoAnns and have been trying to spice them up some. Does this work or is it still not enough? Or does it just not look right? Any other suggestions? My wedding will be in an outside public gardens, so it isn't super formal. I keep stressing over these stupid things, but I didn't have the money to splurge on invites, so we bought 100 invites at JoAnns with a 60% off coupon and paid $8.50.

CrazyCatLady3

I think they look fine and don't need any more sprucing up.  I would maybe just cut down on the wording a little bit as there's a lot of text on there.

CrystaH11

The ribbons are the only thing we will be adding, plus one insert.

majesty318

I think the line lengths look odd in the middle. You could eliminate part that if you start the whole thing with "together with your families" i.e. before your names. But I also think the "invite you to share their new life together as we exchange vows" is a too long.

CrystaH11

Is this better? Or should I change more?

Version:1.0 StartHTML:0000000167 EndHTML:0000003786 StartFragment:0000000457 EndFragment:0000003770

Together with our families

Crysta Julie
&
Matthew Thomas

invite you to share 
the beginning of our new life together

when we exchange marriage vows 

on

Friday, the Eleventh of July 
Two-Thousand Fourteen

at

Six o'clock in the evening 

Dow Gardens

majesty318

I think I just don't personally love the "share the beginning" part. But that is just me. I don't think you need "on" or the dash in two thousand, but someone else should confirm.

CrystaH11

I wanted more than just our names and a time and place, so I guess that's why I added the rest. We are paying for our own wedding, and it isn't super formal, so any other suggestions for wording?

CMGragain

I'm baaack, after a long rest.  I hope I can help you.

An invitation is a note from the hosts (you) to the guests, telling them who, what, when and where - NOT why!  Traditional wording usually works best for this, but there is nothing wrong with different wording, as long as it does the job and is clear.  The invitation is usually written in the third person, and reads like a long sentence, so don't capitalize anything except proper nouns.  Never use any abbreviations except Mr., Mrs. and Ms.  Don't use "&".  I really like the style of your invitations.
This would be the traditional wording:

The pleasure of your company is requested
at the marriage of
Bride's Full Name
and
Grooms Full Name
Friday, the eleventh of July
two thousand fourteen
at six o'clock in the evening
Dow Gardens

City, State

or (non traditional)

You are cordially invited to the marriage of
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
(etc.)

Are your families HOSTING your wedding?  If not, there is no reason to put them on your invitation.  It is not an honor!  It does not include or exclude them!  It just clutters things up.  If you insist, you can either name them as hosts at the top of the invitation, or do this (not traditional):

Together with their families
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
request the pleasure of your company
as they are united in marriage
(etc.)