My fiance and I were each married before. Mine was a catholic wedding. But, my ex-husband was not catholic, and not baptized and his family refused to set foot inside a Catholic church, so I got special dispensation from the Bishop to have my wedding in a chapel at the reception venue. Fast forward a couple of years, and I got divorced. My ex-husband was abusive, and controlling. Before we were married he had promised to go to church with me as a family and that we would raise future children in that faith. Once we were married, he was very angry, VERY angry about going to church with me. So, when I told him I would just go by myself so he wouldn't have to, he would then get very angry that I was leaving our marital bed to go to church with my family. I was, in his eyes, choosing my family and my faith over him. It got so bad that I stopped going.
I am in the middle of the annulment process, but in my diocese, the process takes 18 months. And I can't even set a date in the church until/if the annulment gets finalized. I've been told that if my annulment doesn't get approved, then no one's should. It seems that clear cut to my deacon and my advisor. So, it would be about 2 years before I could get married to my fiance. I am 32 and he is 37 and to wait that long before we can even get married and try to start a family risks our ability to have children. Every woman on both sides of my family had early hysterectomies in their mid 30's, and my fiance has to have a vasectomy reversal for us to have children, and the closer he gets to 40, the lower the chances. So, we decided to go ahead and get married in a non-denomination service and after my annulment got approved, we would try to get a convalidation (kind of like a blessing/remarriage) in the Catholic church. My fiance has 3 children, and we thought it set a better example to get married and start our life together, rather than just live together for the next 2 years or have children not married.
We are two weeks away from the wedding date, and my brother in law just told me that he will not be coming to the wedding because he doesn't agree with it because it's a mortal sin, and in his eyes, I am still married to my ex. I understand that it's his choice, but I am heartbroken, sad, betrayed, angry, etc. When he and my sister got married, they were 4 months pregnant and I stood by them and supported them. Going by mortal sin standards, what I am doing is pretty low on the totem pole, plus I am taking steps to work it out. And, if he wants to throw moral and religious guidelines at me, fornication prior to marriage is also considered a mortal sin, yet I stood by them. I have always been there for them and had their backs with other issues with my family. And I just don't know how to handle this. I am feeling so many different things. Part of me wants to distance myself from them, if they find what I am doing that morally reprehensible. The other part of me... I don't know. I'm just upset. My sister is coming to the wedding, and my 3 year old nephew is still the ring bearer, but I feel so betrayed, so...he's made me feel like I'm a dirty person, an "adultress" by marrying the man I love. I don't know how to compartmentalize it all.