Just Engaged and Proposals

questions...

just got engaged in nov. yay!!! I would like to set the date now even though we are probably going to the justice of the peace. We rather save the money for our first house. he doesnt want to talk about a date until after the holidays. My questions is why? what do you think? I know he wants to get a suit and he is telling his friends summer and so am I. do not understand the wait. I know its only been a month.... must learn patience lol

Re: questions...

  • rashidas said:
    just got engaged in nov. yay!!! I would like to set the date now even though we are probably going to the justice of the peace. We rather save the money for our first house. he doesnt want to talk about a date until after the holidays. My questions is why? what do you think? I know he wants to get a suit and he is telling his friends summer and so am I. do not understand the wait. I know its only been a month.... must learn patience lol
    @rashidas

    Holidays are a stressful time and he may want to wait until after so it doesn't seem like you're making the holidays all about you. I think wait until after the 1st of the year and then see if he is willing to talk to you about picking a date.
  • Thanks that makes sense. But at thanksgiving, when I asked him about a date he said to me dont you want a house first. I said to him, I wanted to be married first. So, I  dont know!! maybe he is just nervous.
    hlvonb
  • I agree with @hlvonb, however...if you are just doing a justice of the peace ceremony, I don't really understand the point of waiting all that long to set a date. It's not expensive and doesn't require any planning. It's not like you have to choose between a wedding and a house...a civil ceremony at a courthouse is going to cost you a couple hundred bucks max.

    If you were planning a ceremony and reception with catering, flowers, venue and the whole 9, I would understand wanting to wait. But with a civil ceremony there's really nothing to plan so you could just pick a date out of the blue and that would be about it.

    Was your fiancé feeling at all pressured to propose or did he do it entirely of his own accord?
  • Dignity100Dignity100 Northeastern Ohio member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    It doesn't sound like you and FI are on the same page if he wants a house first and you want to get married first.  You guys need to sit down and talk and figure out what your priorities are and what the reasons are behind the priorities.


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    Anniversary
    hlvonb
  • no pressure. I feel its a money thing just want to rebound from the holidays i guess... not going to worry about it.  He saved all the money on his own to get my ring. he said wait till after the holidays that is what i am going to do
    hlvonb
  • rashidas said:
    Thanks that makes sense. But at thanksgiving, when I asked him about a date he said to me dont you want a house first. I said to him, I wanted to be married first. So, I  dont know!! maybe he is just nervous.

    @rashidas

    Yes nerves are most likely a part of it but there may have been a misunderstanding at some point in previous conversations with you where he honestly thought you wanted a house first OR it could be him trying to subtle tell you that he wants to have a house and be settled first before getting married. Either way, sit down with him and make sure you two are on the same page (whether that's wedding then house or vice versa).


  • rashidas said:
    no pressure. I feel its a money thing just want to rebound from the holidays i guess... not going to worry about it.  He saved all the money on his own to get my ring. he said wait till after the holidays that is what i am going to do

    @rashidas

    That's a good idea but make you that you two are on the same page when you do talk to him

  • I think you guys might want to chat about what engagement means to you. For some people, it means you're going to get married ASAP, as soon as you can arrange everything. For others, it's a longer state, a step on the road to marriage, a bigger commitment than dating, but marriage isn't imminent. Neither view is better than the other, but it's important that you're on the same page.
  • I would wait until after the holidays anyway.  Maybe he's not ready to announce everything over the holidays, and wants to enjoy some of this time with just YOU for a little while.  I promise you, once you announce it, there will be times that you will wish you could take that back.
  • rashidas said:
    just got engaged in nov. yay!!! I would like to set the date now even though we are probably going to the justice of the peace. We rather save the money for our first house. he doesnt want to talk about a date until after the holidays. My questions is why? what do you think? I know he wants to get a suit and he is telling his friends summer and so am I. do not understand the wait. I know its only been a month.... must learn patience lol
    Congrats!

    I would enjoy the holidays being engaged. If you are going to the JOP, there really is no actual planning that is needed, so discuss it in the new year.


    You won't be having a big flashy wedding later on will you?
  • Noooooo!
    You get one wedding.  If you choose to get married in a courthouse, (Thousands of couples do just that every year.) then that is your wedding.  It is all you get.  No re-do later. 
    You need to think about what you want to be your wedding ceremony, and not jump in without thinking ahead.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • @cmgragain you going to pay for it. we can always have an anniversary wedding so thanks for your opinion
  • cmgragain for us its not about the wedding but about the marriage. we rather have a great marriage then spend lots of money on one day event
  • rashidas said:

    @cmgragain you going to pay for it. we can always have an anniversary wedding so thanks for your opinion

    "Anniversary wedding"?

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    You can't have an anniversary wedding. You can have a vow renewal on an anniversary, sure, but it shouldn't be big and flashy. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    A vow renewal can be as big or flashy as you want it to be (or not).

    I know many people who have done it that way and I feel that it is totally acceptable. Sure, it's maybe not traditional but as you said, you only get one "wedding", so it should be what you want (and for many people, they want the "traditional" vows in a small and intimate or more informal way). There is no harm in restating vows in front of a huge group later on in life.

    As for the OP, sometimes it's just nice to just be engaged and not have to worry about the whole getting married part. Although I've only been engaged for a bit over a week, it's already draining enough having to answer all sorts of proposal questions. It's nice just being able to enjoy the idea of "well we have the whole rest of our lives to plan out the rest!"
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