For nearly a decade, I've been an assistant to a very successful man. He
is an extraordinary manager and I feel very loyal to him. Last year, I
accidentally found out he had a fling with a colleague at a conference
overseas. Subsequently, for the first time, his wife invited me to spend
Christmas with them, a sign of high esteem. It was a wonderful holiday
with a large extended family and I enjoyed myself immensely. Over the
course of the following year, however, my boss has continued this affair
and seems obsessed with his mistress. They attend conferences all over
the world and take glamorous side trips. They are constantly in touch.
He is incredibly cheerful when he comes back from these events. I’ve
been invited for Christmas again this year, and it breaks my heart to
think of looking into the eyes of his wife and his mother-in-law, who
are both warm, affectionate people. I doubt he's in an open
marriage—years ago he made a joke about his wife killing him if he ever
cheated on her. I feel I have been complicit by keeping silent. I am
estranged from my family and don’t spend the holidays with friends, and
my boss knows this. If I go, I would feel tempted to pull the wife aside
and tell her, or else just burst into tears, which would be the end of
my job. But if I don't go, it won't be very good for my job, either.
What should I do?