XP: How many BMs is too many?

JCbride2015

I currently have asked 6 BMs.  I'm thinking about adding two more, but just worry that 8 is way too many.  We are expecting about 165 guests at the wedding, and it will be very formal.

One is a very old friend from high school, and another is a newer friend from law school.  I'm a little concerned that inviting either one of them might offend other friends within either the high school or law school circles who weren't asked (all other BMs are family or undergrad friends).  But I can't have like 10 or 11 BMs.

So-- is 8 BMs too many for my medium-sized wedding?  How many BMs did you ladies have?

artbyallie

Would you call either of these girls if you had a body to hide at 2am? You should only have people you're truly close to in your wedding party. There is no ratio of attendants to guests that you need to adhere to.

JCbride2015

artbyallie said:

Would you call either of these girls if you had a body to hide at 2am? You should only have people you're truly close to in your wedding party. There is no ratio of attendants to guests that you need to adhere to.

Yes I would.  In fact I have called both of them in the middle of the night at one time or another... but fortunately not because I killed somebody.  :-D

monkeysip

Well said, allie.  

I admit, whenever I see huge bridal parties, I'm always wondering if this person really has that many close friends.  See, it's possible that you (and others) REALLY are close with 8 girls.  I just am not that kind of person, and really only am close to two girls, so I only had two BMs.

As long as you really are close to these people, then I guess no one should judge how many you have.  I just think some women choose people just because they feel bad or because they want to have like a big entourage or something.

EverAfer

I agree with PP. As long as they are your close friends/ family members.

FH has more than I do. We both have a large WP. It's our siblings, who(m) we're close to, friends we've known since elementary school, high school, and college. Most we have known at least 5+ years and some are over 20+ years friendship.

CMGragain

As a retired church organist, I would say that the fewer attendants, the better.  Less drama, less cost, and your guests don't have to wait forever to see the bride come down the aisle.

AddieCake

I had 2 and my husband had 1. It is really up to you.

KytchynWitche

I read a wedding "rulebook" once when I was working at a second hand bookstore, the book was quite old and a bit outdated, but their guideline was 1 BM for every 50 guests. But it really depends on how close you are to the people you want to have in your BP. If you are absolutely sure that all 8 of the girls you want to involve are "3am buddies" and will be for a long, long time to come, then go for it!

My sister had a BP of 3 (MOH and 2 BMs) when she got married in 2008, and the MOH is the only one she has any contact with anymore. AFAIK she hasn't spoken to either of the BMs since '09. She wasn't particularly close to the girls she chose as BMs, but she felt she had to have 3 attendants because her guest list was 150-ish.

FI and I aren't hugely social people, so we have 1 attendant each. As it happens, our guest list comes in at around 50 people, but that's just a happy coincidence.

artbyallie

JCBride2014 said:

artbyallie said:

Would you call either of these girls if you had a body to hide at 2am? You should only have people you're truly close to in your wedding party. There is no ratio of attendants to guests that you need to adhere to.

Yes I would.  In fact I have called both of them in the middle of the night at one time or another... but fortunately not because I killed somebody.  :-D

Great! Ask them, then. As long as you can afford flowers and gifts for all your attendants, it doesn't matter how many you have.

kmmssg

2 more BM's means 2 more bouquets, 2 more gifts, and 4 more places at your RD.  Does that fit into your budget?

Ven&Radio

monkeysip said:

Well said, allie.  

I admit, whenever I see huge bridal parties, I'm always wondering if this person really has that many close friends.  See, it's possible that you (and others) REALLY are close with 8 girls.  I just am not that kind of person, and really only am close to two girls, so I only had two BMs.

As long as you really are close to these people, then I guess no one should judge how many you have.  I just think some women choose people just because they feel bad or because they want to have like a big entourage or something.

This is exactly how I feel.  I attended a wedding this spring with so many attendants (9 each?) the procession took longer than the actual ceremony. 

tmclawchick

I'm having 7 BMs and FI is having 8 groomsmen. I say go for it, if you have the budget for the extras.

JCbride2015

Thanks everybody!  Looks like a wide variety of opinions on here.  I'll give it some more thought, but I'm leaning toward asking them because we are so close.  I think I'd rather include them and have a couple of guests side-eye it, than leave out such close friends. 

Another option is to use a time cut-off and ask the high school friend but not the law school friend, to avoid hurt feelings from that group.  Then I'm down to 7 instead of 8 and won't make any newer friends feel left out.

Yes, we have some room in our budget for flowers, gifts, and seats at the RD, but thanks for pointing out that's a consideration.  I haven't planned flowers or RD yet because we are still pretty far from the wedding, so we have time to adjust and budget accordingly.