Inviting for Private Ceremony Public Dinner/Reception

cassandrareyne

Struggling with my guest list for who gets invited to the ceremony and reception and who just gets invited to the reception. Large crowds in small areas make me extremely nervous and trying to avoid this by having a small private ceremony with a large reception. FI has a huge (50+) family just including first cousins, whom all live nearby. Also our ceremony venue will only accomodate around 70 guests. How do I tactfully word invitations and what do I do when someone asks about the ceremony?

aurorajanette

cassandrareyne said:

Struggling with my guest list for who gets invited to the ceremony and reception and who just gets invited to the reception. Large crowds in small areas make me extremely nervous and trying to avoid this by having a small private ceremony with a large reception. FI has a huge (50+) family just including first cousins, whom all live nearby. Also our ceremony venue will only accomodate around 70 guests. How do I tactfully word invitations and what do I do when someone asks about the ceremony?

The reception is supposed to be a thank you for attending the ceremony, so technically all people should be invited to both. The only time that this is seen as okay (and only with some people) is if there is a truly private ceremony with only parents and siblings, or an extemely small number of people. However, if you are inviting 70 guests to your ceremony and an additional number to the reception, that is called a tiered wedding, and it's considered very rude. There is no nice way to word your invitations, because as soon as guests realize that they weren't one of the 70 people invited to your ceremony, feelings are going to be hurt, and relationship will be impacted.

My advice? Have a small wedding - 70 people or less since your ceremony location can accommodate that number; OR find a different ceremony location that can accommodate everyone.

photokitty

You can have a ceremony with just immediate family and a reception with everyone else. Then you can say you had a private ceremony on the invites and when folks ask. This is typically limited to grandparents, parents, siblings, their children and everyone's significant other. And children of the B&G, if there are any. Maybe, one best friend each.

However, 70 guests is not a private ceremony. If you want the extended family at the ceremony you should either find a larger ceremony space so you can fit everyone and you don't feel stressed about a ton of people in small area. Best wishes and GL!

AddieCake

The only way to do this is to have a TINY ceremony, like 15 people, tops. 70 is in no way private or intimate.

CMGragain

You need to find a different ceremony location so that you can invite everyone to both the ceremony and the reception.  To do otherwise will result in hurt feelings and it is rude to your reception only guests.  (What?  We didn't make the cut?!) 
Your other option is to limit your guests to the ones who will attend your ceremony, and plan a small reception.
Sorry, but what you are asking is not acceptable.

MyNameIsNot

You should be inviting everyone to both the ceremony and reception.

The only exception would be a truly private ceremony, 15-20 people max, 100+ at the reception.  If you are inviting at least 70 people to the ceremony, it isn't a private ceremony.