So I have a slight problem with picking my MOH. I originally was going to have my sister, even went as far as to mention it in passing the day after the engagement. However, I'm not quite sure I can/should anymore and I don't know how to break it to her.
So the reason for this is a long story, my sister is very out there, she's always needing to have attention, she dresses "scandalously" as my mother calls it, which isn't a problem for me in general but sometimes it goes too far, i.e. having a dress with a hemline more than halfway up your thigh, in the middle of winter, without nylons or tights but bare leg for a family function, is a bit much IMO, and that's what she does. She also can have intense mood swings, if you look at her wrong she gives you attitude and yells, but when she's happy she's very nice and thoughtful. My FI has always been supportive of her because she acts a lot like he did when he was her age (he is in his early 30s while my sister and I are early 20s) and he mellowed out. But because of something that happened recently he wants nothing to do with her. We went out for her 21st birthday on the day I got engaged (didn't plan it I didn't know i was getting engaged that day). I was with my girl cousin (married) and my sister and our DD left us at the bar to go to a grocery store because they didn't want to wait for us to finish our drinks. We didn't know they left, we didn't even know they had gone to the car at first (we thought they were taking their time in the bathroom). The next decision was mine and I take full responsibility for it, but basically the bar closed and my cousin and I got kicked out into the rain. I had called our DD and she said she was still waiting for my sister to be done getting a movie from Redbox at the store. So my cousin and I then got a ride from a guy that had been talking to our group over to the store (about 3-5 min away).
Now you all are probably judging me, but I know it was incredibly stupid, after a few drinks even with another female to take a ride from a guy at the bar, I am not saying that wasn't a bad decision, horrible decision. But I did tell my FI because I didn't want to keep it from him that it was another guy. He was soooooo pissed, the day of our engagement this happened, and he has been married before and there was a lot of cheating so he always has to deal with his past. But we worked through it and we are fine now (we've been together for over 2 years and have a very strong trust with each other, hence me telling him when I could have just not mentioned it). However, he also is very pissed at my sister, and DD, for leaving us at the bar in the first place, so much so he didn't want my sister at the wedding at all. I told him I couldn't do that, but I am seriously considering someone else for MOH now. My FI's sister and I get along wonderfully, and she has been more involved with our lives the past couple years than my own sister really. She also planned her own wedding in 3 months, I have 5 months to do mine, and my sister knowns nothing about it. Is it completely reproachable for me to ask my FI's sister and have my own sister be just a BM? I don't want trouble with my FI and sister, and TBH I don't really trust her very much to have my best interests in mind while planning.
I have worried about this so much I almost just don't want a MOH, but then I think this is supposed to be my day right, should I have to give up a MOH because of wanting to appease everyone?
thank you for any advice with similar situations of choosing family etc. I also should mention my sister has known about my engagement for a week now, and seen me at least three times, and not a word about plans, or what I want to do, or how I feel about it or anything. Even when one of those times we were with my whole family and we all were talking about it, she didn't join in, which hurt a little bit.