Invitation Wording

KittyKaty20

Hi, Knotties!

My FI and I are very blessed that my parents had set aside money long ago for my wedding, so they are paying for the vast majority it. Obviously, the invitations will indicate as much.

In another way of blessings, FI's father and stepmother are graciously paying for the wine, and quite possibly the beer and liquor, as well. They are also hosting the rehearsal dinner for 40 people. My etiquette question is:

Do they appear on the formal invitation? I am planning on recognizing them (with others) on printed cards at the reception, as well as giving a thank you toast to them. They will also be thanked at the rehearsal dinner.

Any help would be greatly appreciated-I'd like to complete the invitation wording before New Year's Eve.

crfische

OF COURSE YOU PUT THEM ON THE INVITATION.

crfische

I would actually put your names, together with their parents (all of their respective names) invite you to, blah blah blah.

crfische

Or, even if you put fiances name, son of (parents names). Find some way to get them on the invitation...

lyndausvi

Hi Fische!

crfische

DUDE! You're still here!!?

crfische

What a sweet pic of chef D!

CMGragain

The invitation is a note from the host to the guests giving them the important information:  who, what, when and where.  It is not a bill to indicate who is paying for the wedding.  Obviously, your parents are hosting your wedding.  Do you FILS also consider themselves to be hosts?  The costs they are covering are the old fashioned traditional costs that used to be covered by the groom's family.  This, alone, does not make them hosts of the wedding.  You need to talk to them and find out if they expect to be on the invitation.  Personally, I wouldn't want to be if I were the MOG.
Here are some options:

Mr. and Mrs. John Bridesparents
request the pleasure of your company
at the wedding of their daughter
Bride's First Middle
to
Mr. Groom's Full Name

Mr. and Mrs. Bridesparents
Mr. and Mrs. Groomsparents
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name

The "son of Mr. and Mrs. Groomsparents" is not traditional, and it doesn't really serve any purpose.  It doesn't name them as hosting your wedding, and it doesn't honor them, either.

RebeccaB88

The way I read what you're saying is that your parents are hosting the wedding, his parents are hosting the rehearsal dinner. Therefore, that's how invitations to each would traditionally be worded. Unless you and all the parents agree to include both sets of parents on the wedding invitation, I don't think that just paying for the bar entitles them to automatically be on the invitation. You could also agree to word the invitations as from the two of you, daughter of Mr and Mrs HerParents and son of Mr and Mrs HisParents (or whatever applies). But if my parents were hosting and paying, they would insist on issuing the invitations from themselves.

RebeccaB88

DP. This is ridiculous...

huskypuppy14

KittyKaty20 said:

Hi, Knotties!

My FI and I are very blessed that my parents had set aside money long ago for my wedding, so they are paying for the vast majority it. Obviously, the invitations will indicate as much.

In another way of blessings, FI's father and stepmother are graciously paying for the wine, and quite possibly the beer and liquor, as well. They are also hosting the rehearsal dinner for 40 people. My etiquette question is:

Do they appear on the formal invitation? I am planning on recognizing them (with others) on printed cards at the reception, as well as giving a thank you toast to them. They will also be thanked at the rehearsal dinner.

Any help would be greatly appreciated-I'd like to complete the invitation wording before New Year's Eve.

First: paying does not equal hosting, and not paying does not mean they are not hosting. It sounds like your parents are hosting, but do his parents also want hosting duties? Greeting guests, making sure they are taken care of, etc?

Please do not do the bolded. A toast is very nice, but you don't need printed cards telling everyone who paid for what. Are you going to have cards on the bar saying: paid for by Mr and Mrs Fiance's parents- cause that sounds terrible.

KittyKaty20

@laurynm84

The printed cards would not indicate anything that anyone had paid for! It's a notecard thanking people for attending...Maybe I'm confusing what I've seen in too many pinterest pictures?

And there wouldn't be anything on the bar. Except the liquor.

JCbride2015

KittyKaty20 said:

@laurynm84

The printed cards would not indicate anything that anyone had paid for! It's a notecard thanking people for attending...Maybe I'm confusing what I've seen in too many pinterest pictures?

And there wouldn't be anything on the bar. Except the liquor.

This sounds well intentioned, but 100% unnecessary.  The whole reception is a thank you to your guests for witnessing your wedding, and you will send thank you cards for gifts later.  Where would these notecards be and what would they say?

lyndausvi

crfische said:

DUDE! You're still here!!?

Actually, I just came back on in the last 2 weeks or so after being gone a while.  Wanted to see if cash bars and other stuff had made it to acceptable status yet.  Happy to say it has not.   Not really logging in regularly or posting much. Happen to be pop in today and saw you.   

Happy New Year.

Jen4948

crfische said:

OF COURSE YOU PUT THEM ON THE INVITATION.

Wrong.

First of all, the invitation wording is not supposed to reflect the financial arrangements, because paying is not the same as hosting.

The invitation is not a playbill.  It does not "honor" the couple or their parents and is not intended to map out the family tree or list who is paying for what, which is none of the guests' business.  Only the guests are "honored" by the invitation.

So there is no "of course" about it.  Are your father and stepmother going to be acting as "point persons" - that is, issuing the invitations, receiving the replies, greeting guests, and making sure their needs are taken care of, regardless of their financial contributions?

If the answer is yes, they would be listed as hosts.  If the answer is no, they are just contributing financially, then they are not hosts and would not be listed as such.