Wedding Reception Forum

What Came First?

I'm cracking up- I'm such a planner but as soon as I got engaged I seem to have analysis paralysis!  When you got engaged and began planning what was the FIRST thing you tackled to get the ball rolling?  Did you establish a general budget first or pick a venue and built a budget around that?  Did you go looking for venues online or did you pour over wedding books?

I guess I want to learn the "process" other brides have gone through that helped take the overwhelm out of deciding where to start!  Fiancé and I have a general budget but when looking at venues and all the goodies online I am struggling to decide what I want and what's a realistic price to pay.

If you'd like to share your story on what you tackled first for wedding planning and why/how it helped you, it helps me learn. Thanks!

Re: What Came First?

  • I'm cracking up- I'm such a planner but as soon as I got engaged I seem to have analysis paralysis!  When you got engaged and began planning what was the FIRST thing you tackled to get the ball rolling?  Did you establish a general budget first or pick a venue and built a budget around that?  Did you go looking for venues online or did you pour over wedding books?

    I guess I want to learn the "process" other brides have gone through that helped take the overwhelm out of deciding where to start!  Fiancé and I have a general budget but when looking at venues and all the goodies online I am struggling to decide what I want and what's a realistic price to pay.

    If you'd like to share your story on what you tackled first for wedding planning and why/how it helped you, it helps me learn. Thanks!

    You HAVE to set a budget and get a rough guest list (even if it's just a number) going before doing anything else. They money you have and space you need will literally determine everything.  We had many venues that we loved, but they were going to be too small or eat up too much of our budget.

    As for as what's reasonable, it really depends on your budget and your priorities. There are a lot of guides out there that can give you a recommended budget breakdown by percentage. What are your priorities? Food and drink? Venue? Photography? etc. Do those vendors first.

     I'd recommend setting up appointments for talking ideas and getting quotes with multiple vendors so that you get a better impression of what you're getting - you have to compare value, not just price (e.g. this baker will give us a 2 white cake for $150, but this one will give us chocolate with raspberry filling for $200).

    We worked up our budget and guest list, found a venue we loved, picked from the venue's preferred vendors for catering and DJ, tackled flowers and attire, and are about to set a deposit for a baker. Don't buy the little stuff until you have a big picture.

    image
  • Your budget determines everything else, so set that first. We figured out our budget and guest list at about the same time, and then began looking at venues. Once you have a venue, you can set a date. Venue and time of year may then influence what you choose for attire and decor. The venue also influences what you do for catering. And the date lets you book a photographer. So a general order o things would be:

    budget and guest list
    venue
    caterer/photographer/dj/other major vendors
    decorations
  • It would be absurd to do anything before setting a budget unless you have unlimited funds.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • We didn't set a specific budget right off the bat, just knew that it would be low! Our biggest expense will be the venue and food, so I started looking online at different venue options and made some calls/sent some emails to get more information. Once we found a reasonable option that we both liked, it gave us a good starting point so we have a better idea of how much we'll need to save. 
  • I definitely think it depends. Obviously if money is a concern then you should set a budget first. We picked our venue and built our budget around that because my FI really wanted a certain reception venue. If there is a certain aspect of your wedding that is really important to you like making sure you have everyone that you know there or something like that then I think you make it work with what's most important to you.
    image
  • I emailed the photographer I wanted the morning after I got engaged.  Said I wanted him for our wedding, what dates next year did he have available.  He gave me 4 weekends that weren't booked, about 5 months out.  We then picked a venue we loved and asked if they had any of those weekends available, and they had 2 Fridays to choose from.  We chose one.

    We aren't overly particular on any other details.
  • For us, we did/are doing our budget, preliminary guest list, and looking at venues. 
    image
  • Figure out a rough guest list and budget to start.  The number of people you invite will have a huge impact on everything else - you need a venue that holds that many comfortably, you need to be able to afford to feed them (even if it's just cake and punch), etc.

    After you get a working budget and guest list, I'd start thinking about the venue.  Do you want something all inclusive?  Or would you prefer a location where you bring in all your own vendors?  After the venue, I would book a caterer (if not included with the venue), photographer and DJ/band next.  Then you should have some breathing room on the rest.

    If you can afford it, I highly recommend a DOC (unless your venue has an awesome coordinator on site).  A good DOC will be very knowledgeable on the wedding industry and vendors in your area.
  • I did everything out of order. First, I chose a date. Then, I booked my favorite venue. Crazy, I know, but absolutely no regrets. My FH and I chose a great venue.
  • 1. BUDGET- come up with a number to stick to, but add some cushion room for just in case.
    2. Guest list- we basically set our guest list give our take a few people at this point.
    3. Divide budget by the guest list number.  That number is the price per person you can afford.  That price per person includes EVERYTHING, not just the venue and food.
    4. Do research on other vendors- DJ, photographer, florist etc, just to see approximates for how much those things are in your area.
    5. Venue- by this point, I had a very good idea about how much I could pay for catering/venue.  I called and had price lists sent for every venue that looked nice.  Then I priced everything out according to my budget and guest list.  By this point, I only had 3 venues that I liked and could afford.  We went to visit them and we loved one in particular.  
  • before you can do anything you need a guest list. you can't look at venues until you have a rough idea of how many people you will be inviting. that number is going to change throughout the planning process, especially if you have a long engagement, but you need a general idea first. there's not point in looking at venues if you don't know how big you need it to be. then you should figure out who is contributing what as far as money. it can be an awkward conversation to have with parents but it's necessary. you need to figure out if you have a specific amount in mind that you are willing to spend on each individual aspect or one grand total that you want to keep the whole thing at. once we booked our venue and figured out a rough cost for that we kind of went from there with the rest of the budget. we know what we plan to spend on certain things and what each of our parents are contributing. before you book a venue decide what kind of 'theme' or 'vision' you have for your wedding. do you want outdoors, casual, formal, ballroom.. there are SO MANY options out there so you need to find exactly what is right for you and your fiancé. so I say guest list first, the research prices at venues that you like and figure out the rough costs of each place, and we kind of based out budget off of that. we didn't say 'we are spending X amount of dollars so we have to look at only these places'.. we looked around first to see what places fit our vision and were also reasonably priced. when you find a few that you really love, go visit them, see what's included in the price, and then make your budget. don't spend beyond your means but don't limit yourself either. happy planning! :-)
  • Lyss5362 said:
    before you can do anything you need a guest list. you can't look at venues until you have a rough idea of how many people you will be inviting. that number is going to change throughout the planning process, especially if you have a long engagement, but you need a general idea first. there's not point in looking at venues if you don't know how big you need it to be. then you should figure out who is contributing what as far as money. it can be an awkward conversation to have with parents but it's necessary. you need to figure out if you have a specific amount in mind that you are willing to spend on each individual aspect or one grand total that you want to keep the whole thing at. once we booked our venue and figured out a rough cost for that we kind of went from there with the rest of the budget. we know what we plan to spend on certain things and what each of our parents are contributing. before you book a venue decide what kind of 'theme' or 'vision' you have for your wedding. do you want outdoors, casual, formal, ballroom.. there are SO MANY options out there so you need to find exactly what is right for you and your fiancé. so I say guest list first, the research prices at venues that you like and figure out the rough costs of each place, and we kind of based out budget off of that. we didn't say 'we are spending X amount of dollars so we have to look at only these places'.. we looked around first to see what places fit our vision and were also reasonably priced. when you find a few that you really love, go visit them, see what's included in the price, and then make your budget. don't spend beyond your means but don't limit yourself either. happy planning! :-)
    No, you do NOT ask your family to contribute.  You determine how much you (as a couple) can afford to spend and base your plans on that amount.  If parents/grandparents/strangers decide to give you money that is icing on the cake.

    Anyway...

    1) Budget/Anticipated Guest List (and leave extra room in both for unexpected expenses/additions)

    2) Look at venues to see how fits your budget and guest list (every butt needs a seat).  If budget is an issue brunch and lunch receptions tend to be cheaper, or you can have a reception at a non-meal time and have a cake and punch reception

    3) Once you have a confirmed date and time (signed contract with a deposit paid) you can look at the other vendors.  I recommend starting with what is the most important to you as a couple (for most it is photo and/or video).

    4) Generally speaking as long as it doesn't affect guest comfort or does not cause your guests to open up their wallets at your wedding it can be cut out or cut back on.
    photo composite_14153800476219.jpg
  • BecauseYouAreBecauseYouAre member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited January 2014
    We had a basic knowledge of our funds so we did it this way.

    1) Guest list - then added 10% because there's always extra people added as the planning progresses.
    2) Determined an exact amount we wanted to spend.
    3) Figured out type, day, time, time of year to properly host our guests at that budget.
    4) Decided what town/city we were going to get married in.
    5) Chose basic theme.
    6) Started looking at venues and vendors that fit all of the above.
    7) Decided priorities. This for us was the band and venue/food.
    8) Pick an exact date. Booked band and venue.
    9) Detailed out the budget.
    10) Planed the little details in order of importance to us. (This is where I pulled out the Pinterest page I started after 3 months of dating. Yeah I'm one of those, but that's just between us her on TK
    )

    This worked well for us but every couple is different.

    Buy wedding insurance.

    Happy Planning!!!!!!
  • I would say, do the guest list first. Get the biggest list including everyone who you possibly think you might want to invite.
    Then figure out what sort of reception you want. Do you want it formal sit down? Informal?
    Figure out your budget for all those people. If you can afford it, look for a venue that's within that.

    We totally messed up and did it backwards and now are struggling because we have a great venue and everything but I'm freaking out because we only said 100 people and now our guest list is over that.
  • We chose the venue and the date! Then we found the church and I got my dress. The venue was really important because the place we chose had lists of their preferred vendors who ended up being the vendors we chose to use. So helpful and easy that way!
  • We narrowed down our venue (and therefore our date) and then came home and ran the numbers with the "must have" guest list.  We had a rough budget in mind but not an exact.  We then thought about the trade offs and whether it was a good value.(IE: one had a LOOOONG walk but gorgeous photo ops.  The other had great photo ops too but a better rain plan and a much shorter and safer walk.  More flexibility at the 2nd as well.  Then we got a budget surprise (food minimum) from the first that cinched it... but we probably wouldn't have chosen them anyway.   Turns out we got more for less so now we have wiggle room for more guests. 

    The rest of the vendors we have back up plans for but so far so good... 
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  • For me...

     

    1) Budget
    2) Guest List
    3) Favors
    4) Venue & Food
    5) Dress

    The only thing that didn't go as planned was 4 and 5 were interchanged. We randomly decided to stop by the bridal dress place and tried on 5 dresses and bam.....bought one.

  • 1. BUDGET- come up with a number to stick to, but add some cushion room for just in case.
    2. Guest list- we basically set our guest list give our take a few people at this point.
    3. Divide budget by the guest list number.  That number is the price per person you can afford.  That price per person includes EVERYTHING, not just the venue and food.
    4. Do research on other vendors- DJ, photographer, florist etc, just to see approximates for how much those things are in your area.
    5. Venue- by this point, I had a very good idea about how much I could pay for catering/venue.  I called and had price lists sent for every venue that looked nice.  Then I priced everything out according to my budget and guest list.  By this point, I only had 3 venues that I liked and could afford.  We went to visit them and we loved one in particular.  

    Exactly this. Budget first, then guest list. Then we looked at the budget again, then the guest list again. THEN we started making other decisions based on what we could afford.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • 1. BUDGET- come up with a number to stick to, but add some cushion room for just in case.
    2. Guest list- we basically set our guest list give our take a few people at this point.
    3. Divide budget by the guest list number.  That number is the price per person you can afford.  That price per person includes EVERYTHING, not just the venue and food.
    4. Do research on other vendors- DJ, photographer, florist etc, just to see approximates for how much those things are in your area.
    5. Venue- by this point, I had a very good idea about how much I could pay for catering/venue.  I called and had price lists sent for every venue that looked nice.  Then I priced everything out according to my budget and guest list.  By this point, I only had 3 venues that I liked and could afford.  We went to visit them and we loved one in particular.  

    Exactly this. Budget first, then guest list. Then we looked at the budget again, then the guest list again. THEN we started making other decisions based on what we could afford.

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  • Gizmo813Gizmo813 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    edited January 2014
    The first thing I did was make a preliminary list of who I KNEW we were inviting (friends & family, both sides). Then, I started researching wedding venues in the area to get an idea of how much to expect to have to budget if we went with one of those venues. ETA: I made the preliminary guest list first because my FI has a huge family. I was very worried that our list would total over 200 people. I also knew that I couldn't have any kind of a budget discussion with my family without this preliminary information. 

    We are hosting ourselves, but knew we couldn't afford to have the wedding we wanted without help from family. We didn't want to assume that they were going to help us, but in my family, financial assistance is never offered unless asked for....especially since nobody in my family, besides myself, has any idea about the timeline in which things need to be accomplished. So ... we asked. 

    I know it is considered "rude' by many to ask ... but, given what we knew about our family dynamics, we knew were were going to have to. So, we phrased the question as, "This is what we were thinking of, and this is how much it will cost. We were wondering if you would be willing to chip in to help us out." If the answer had been "no", we would have postponed the wedding by a year so that we could save money. Luckily, that was not the case, for which I am very grateful. (And I sent my father & stepmother a thank you card when they handed me the check.)

    After having the budget talk, we booked the venue. 


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  • AprilH81 said:
    Lyss5362 said:
    before you can do anything you need a guest list. you can't look at venues until you have a rough idea of how many people you will be inviting. that number is going to change throughout the planning process, especially if you have a long engagement, but you need a general idea first. there's not point in looking at venues if you don't know how big you need it to be. then you should figure out who is contributing what as far as money. it can be an awkward conversation to have with parents but it's necessary. you need to figure out if you have a specific amount in mind that you are willing to spend on each individual aspect or one grand total that you want to keep the whole thing at. once we booked our venue and figured out a rough cost for that we kind of went from there with the rest of the budget. we know what we plan to spend on certain things and what each of our parents are contributing. before you book a venue decide what kind of 'theme' or 'vision' you have for your wedding. do you want outdoors, casual, formal, ballroom.. there are SO MANY options out there so you need to find exactly what is right for you and your fiancé. so I say guest list first, the research prices at venues that you like and figure out the rough costs of each place, and we kind of based out budget off of that. we didn't say 'we are spending X amount of dollars so we have to look at only these places'.. we looked around first to see what places fit our vision and were also reasonably priced. when you find a few that you really love, go visit them, see what's included in the price, and then make your budget. don't spend beyond your means but don't limit yourself either. happy planning! :-)
    No, you do NOT ask your family to contribute.  You determine how much you (as a couple) can afford to spend and base your plans on that amount.  If parents/grandparents/strangers decide to give you money that is icing on the cake.

    Anyway...

    1) Budget/Anticipated Guest List (and leave extra room in both for unexpected expenses/additions)

    2) Look at venues to see how fits your budget and guest list (every butt needs a seat).  If budget is an issue brunch and lunch receptions tend to be cheaper, or you can have a reception at a non-meal time and have a cake and punch reception

    3) Once you have a confirmed date and time (signed contract with a deposit paid) you can look at the other vendors.  I recommend starting with what is the most important to you as a couple (for most it is photo and/or video).

    4) Generally speaking as long as it doesn't affect guest comfort or does not cause your guests to open up their wallets at your wedding it can be cut out or cut back on.
    Actually if you know ahead of time that they plan on contributing then yes you do need go ask. My parents paid for both of my brothers weddings and they are paying for a majority of mine so you need to find out what their budget is before you can start making plans. You don't want to assume anything when it comes to wedding planning, especially the financial part.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2014
    !) Guest list.    WHO we invited was as important to us as anything else regarding the wedding.   

    2) budget (although our budget was not really a firm number)  and deciding on what kind of wedding we wanted.   We wanted to have an open bar, full meal and dancing for our guest list.  These were non-negoitable.    

    3) Venue - personally I don't see the point of looking for a venue if you don't know your guest list, budget or knowing what kind of wedding you want to have.    I do not really understand  the concept of a "prefect venue" if that makes you cut the guest list, makes you have a cash bar or have little food because you can't afford the prices.   Too me that is not a "prefect venue".       ETA - I would rather attend a properly hosted even at a VFW then a poorly hosted event at The Ritz-Carlton.

    4) everything else just fell into place.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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