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Appropriate wedding gifts (as a guest)

redwoodoriginalredwoodoriginal member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi ladies, I had a question about how many / how much wedding gifts to give. A coworker has invited me & my fiancé to her wedding along with several other coworkers. No coworkers were invited to the bridal shower (family only, no problem with that). We threw her a shower at work and pooled together about $40 pp for several big gifts plus the cost of the shower. My question is: do I need to get her an additional gift or give a monetary gift at the wedding? I have heard equally from people saying yes you give money at the wedding and people who say no, they get one gift and you already gave it. What does proper etiquette state? Do I need to give a second monetary gift? Thanks in advanced!
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Re: Appropriate wedding gifts (as a guest)

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    manateehuggermanateehugger member
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    xoadri said:
    Hi ladies, I had a question about how many / how much wedding gifts to give. A coworker has invited me & my fiancé to her wedding along with several other coworkers. No coworkers were invited to the bridal shower (family only, no problem with that). We threw her a shower at work and pooled together about $40 pp for several big gifts plus the cost of the shower. My question is: do I need to get her an additional gift or give a monetary gift at the wedding? I have heard equally from people saying yes you give money at the wedding and people who say no, they get one gift and you already gave it. What does proper etiquette state? Do I need to give a second monetary gift? Thanks in advanced!

    Proper etiquette states that a wedding gift, while polite, is never required.

    You do not need to come up with a second gift unless you'd like to. If you do decide to give a gift, it can be a physical gift or a monetary gift; nothing dictates monetary.

    I personally hate to show up empty handed, so I would at least walk in with a nice card.

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    banana468banana468 member
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    I would give a gift.   You're never supposed to expect a gift but you are supposed to give a gift (I know that's confusing but it's the expectations on both sides).



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    JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    Yeah, you aren't obligated of course but it would be nice to give a gift.  Personally, I always give a physical gift at the shower, and money at the wedding.
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    csuavecsuave member
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    edited December 2013

    Definitely not necessary but I would say it is the norm.  It may vary by region but in my experience people that attend weddings give a gift (cash in my circle...but there is nothing wrong with giving something from the registry) for the wedding even if they gave a gift for the shower. 

    Some people may not give a wedding gift but that is usually the exception to the norm.  Only 2 of our 100 something guests didn't give a gift at our wedding....it is fine that they didn't but I'm just putting it out there as a statistic if you want to know what "most" people do. 

    It was very nice and generous of you to give the work shower.

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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    I always give a gift at both events if I am invited to both events. You don't HAVE to, but I would just feel funny not giving a gift. 
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    MrsDeRuyter87MrsDeRuyter87 member
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    My favorite thing to give at a wedding is a gift certificate for a restaurant. It's cute to think that we are contributing to a nice dinner out for the newly weds to be all lovey dovey. :D
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    cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
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    I would say at the least you should bring a card.  If you would like to put some money (cash or check) into the card that would be a plus but not required. 

    In my circle everyone does physical gifts at the shower and then money at the wedding.  I personally have never been to a wedding that had a lot of gifts on the table, but they all had a stack of cards!  Either way as a guest you should bring something, but it doesn't have to be huge.

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    InkdancerInkdancer member
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    As you already contributed to a gift, I see no need to buy a second one. A card with your well-wishes would be nice, though.
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