what if you don't know whether one of your guests is in a relationship or not?

oliviaester1991

I have been reading a few posts on here and a lot state that on your invitation you are supposed to invite your guests significant other by name. We aren't very close with a lot of family on my fiance's family and do not know whether or not they have a significant other, or much less their name. Should i just write "Jane Doe & Guest" on all of them? Also, a couple of my friends that will be invited are single, but I told them that if they wanted to bring a guest I will address the invitation as such. Now I found out they are finding people to bring, like not a boyfriend/girlfriend just a random friend, does anyone find that weird? I meant that they can bring a guest like if they are in a relationship by then, I didn't think they would just be bringing random friends that I don't even know. I'm not going to take their 'and guest' off the invitation though, because it doesn't really matter to me I guess, I'm just wondering how everyone else feels about that.

doeydo

If you write "John Doe and Guest", then John can bring whoever he wants whether that be a date, his sister, his friend, or whoever.  As for family members who you are not sure if they are in a relationship or not, perhaps you could call them on the phone or message them on Facebook just to ask them.

CaliMel11

Most people I know who aren't in a relationship do end up taking a good friend of theirs to the event, so I don't really think it's that weird.

oliviaester1991

I guess it's not weird, I just don't think I would ever do it, I was never invited to weddings when I was single though so I wouldn't really know, haha

EverAfer

If you said "and guest", they can bring anyone.

If there's a chance someone is in a relationship, then you should find out the name of their s/o. FH has alot of cousins OOT/OOC and he and his parents literally called, texted, and Facebook stalked them till we had all the info. Despite making them do the list early, we're still missing about 2 s/o name. It'll take effort, but you'll know the names and status of the people who's coming to your wedding.

Viczaesar

oliviaester1991 said:

I have been reading a few posts on here and a lot state that on your invitation you are supposed to invite your guests significant other by name. We aren't very close with a lot of family on my fiance's family and do not know whether or not they have a significant other, or much less their name. Should i just write "Jane Doe & Guest" on all of them? Also, a couple of my friends that will be invited are single, but I told them that if they wanted to bring a guest I will address the invitation as such. Now I found out they are finding people to bring, like not a boyfriend/girlfriend just a random friend, does anyone find that weird? I meant that they can bring a guest like if they are in a relationship by then, I didn't think they would just be bringing random friends that I don't even know. I'm not going to take their 'and guest' off the invitation though, because it doesn't really matter to me I guess, I'm just wondering how everyone else feels about that.

You or your FI need to contact these family members and ask if they have a SO, and if so, what is that SO's name.  Significant Others should always be invited by name, not "and Guest." 

oliviaester1991

Viczaesar said:

oliviaester1991 said:

I have been reading a few posts on here and a lot state that on your invitation you are supposed to invite your guests significant other by name. We aren't very close with a lot of family on my fiance's family and do not know whether or not they have a significant other, or much less their name. Should i just write "Jane Doe & Guest" on all of them? Also, a couple of my friends that will be invited are single, but I told them that if they wanted to bring a guest I will address the invitation as such. Now I found out they are finding people to bring, like not a boyfriend/girlfriend just a random friend, does anyone find that weird? I meant that they can bring a guest like if they are in a relationship by then, I didn't think they would just be bringing random friends that I don't even know. I'm not going to take their 'and guest' off the invitation though, because it doesn't really matter to me I guess, I'm just wondering how everyone else feels about that.

You or your FI need to contact these family members and ask if they have a SO, and if so, what is that SO's name.  Significant Others should always be invited by name, not "and Guest." 

Honestly almost every wedding I've been invited to has said my name and guest or my fiance's name and guest. However I do plan on trying to get as many people's names as I can, I wasn't sure though if it was rude to just call people up and ask about their relationships, lol I guess not!

Viczaesar

oliviaester1991 said:

Viczaesar said:

oliviaester1991 said:

I have been reading a few posts on here and a lot state that on your invitation you are supposed to invite your guests significant other by name. We aren't very close with a lot of family on my fiance's family and do not know whether or not they have a significant other, or much less their name. Should i just write "Jane Doe & Guest" on all of them? Also, a couple of my friends that will be invited are single, but I told them that if they wanted to bring a guest I will address the invitation as such. Now I found out they are finding people to bring, like not a boyfriend/girlfriend just a random friend, does anyone find that weird? I meant that they can bring a guest like if they are in a relationship by then, I didn't think they would just be bringing random friends that I don't even know. I'm not going to take their 'and guest' off the invitation though, because it doesn't really matter to me I guess, I'm just wondering how everyone else feels about that.

You or your FI need to contact these family members and ask if they have a SO, and if so, what is that SO's name.  Significant Others should always be invited by name, not "and Guest." 

Honestly almost every wedding I've been invited to has said my name and guest or my fiance's name and guest. However I do plan on trying to get as many people's names as I can, I wasn't sure though if it was rude to just call people up and ask about their relationships, lol I guess not!

That was rude of them.  It is not, however, rude to call people and ask for the name of their SO, if they have one, so that you can extend an invitation to them properly.

AddieCake

If we didn't know whether or not they were in a relationship, we contacted them to ask and then used the person's name. We gave all our single guests a +1 as well and just put "and guest" on theirs so they were free to bring whomever they liked. 

Jen4948

If you don't know this information, I'd ask them if they're in a relationship and then if they are, invite them with the other person both by name.

netskyblue2

"Now I found out they are finding people to bring, like not a boyfriend/girlfriend just a random friend, does anyone find that weird? I meant that they can bring a guest like if they are in a relationship by then, I didn't think they would just be bringing random friends that I don't even know. I'm not going to take their 'and guest' off the invitation though, because it doesn't really matter to me I guess, I'm just wondering how everyone else feels about that."

I'd never heard of anyone doing such a thing before being on these boards, but apparently it's normal.

MyNameIsNot

For the family, you need to contact them and find out about their relationship status.  Have your FI call them, text them, facebook them, or ask other relatives.  

When you mentioned to your friends that you would invite them to bring a date, they started looking for dates.  You weren't required to invite single guests with a date, even though it is very common.  Now that you've told them that they'll be able to bring a date, it would be rude to go back on that.  

Mitch617

If you don't want them bringing random plus ones or friends, invite the SO by name. If they break up or if the SO cant come, they are not supposed to replace them with a new date. That is the way I am doing it because we can't afford to give every truly single person a date. We are trying to find out who is in a relationship and invite that SO by name. If they are single and get a SO after invites are sent I'm not sure the etiquette rule, but I would think you are not obligated to invite someone so new. However if it was a bridesmaid or if I have actually met the new SO before the wedding I would want to invite them to be polite.

oliviaester1991

MyNameIsNot said:

For the family, you need to contact them and find out about their relationship status.  Have your FI call them, text them, facebook them, or ask other relatives.  

When you mentioned to your friends that you would invite them to bring a date, they started looking for dates.  You weren't required to invite single guests with a date, even though it is very common.  Now that you've told them that they'll be able to bring a date, it would be rude to go back on that.  

I honestly think they just misinterpreted what i meant, my sister went by a rule that you had to be dating for at least a year or she wouldn't invite your SO, I didn't want them to worry about that if they entered a relationship in the time between my engagement and my wedding so that is why I told them they could bring dates. I really sort of wish i hadn't said that but I already did and I definitely wont take that away from them.

lyndausvi

oliviaester1991 said:

I have been reading a few posts on here and a lot state that on your invitation you are supposed to invite your guests significant other by name. We aren't very close with a lot of family on my fiance's family and do not know whether or not they have a significant other, or much less their name. Should i just write "Jane Doe & Guest" on all of them? Also, a couple of my friends that will be invited are single, but I told them that if they wanted to bring a guest I will address the invitation as such. Now I found out they are finding people to bring, like not a boyfriend/girlfriend just a random friend, does anyone find that weird? I meant that they can bring a guest like if they are in a relationship by then, I didn't think they would just be bringing random friends that I don't even know. I'm not going to take their 'and guest' off the invitation though, because it doesn't really matter to me I guess, I'm just wondering how everyone else feels about that.

No I do not.  Although I had an OOT wedding so I understand not wanting to travel alone.   If you are invited to a wedding where you pretty much only know the couple.  People are more comfortable with someone they know.

My BIL took one of SIL's best friends.  SIL brought her other best friend.  So SIL had 2 friends who I never met before (we live OOT).  Didn't bother me in the least.

oliviaester1991

lyndausvi said:

oliviaester1991 said:

I have been reading a few posts on here and a lot state that on your invitation you are supposed to invite your guests significant other by name. We aren't very close with a lot of family on my fiance's family and do not know whether or not they have a significant other, or much less their name. Should i just write "Jane Doe & Guest" on all of them? Also, a couple of my friends that will be invited are single, but I told them that if they wanted to bring a guest I will address the invitation as such. Now I found out they are finding people to bring, like not a boyfriend/girlfriend just a random friend, does anyone find that weird? I meant that they can bring a guest like if they are in a relationship by then, I didn't think they would just be bringing random friends that I don't even know. I'm not going to take their 'and guest' off the invitation though, because it doesn't really matter to me I guess, I'm just wondering how everyone else feels about that.

No I do not.  Although I had an OOT wedding so I understand not wanting to travel alone.   If you are invited to a wedding where you pretty much only know the couple.  People are more comfortable with someone they know.

My BIL took one of SIL's best friends.  SIL brought her other best friend.  So SIL had 2 friends who I never met before (we live OOT).  Didn't bother me in the least.

Yeah, that is the thing I completely understand if they don't really know anyone and don't want to just sit there but it is actually a big group of friends I went to high school with (I've only been out of high school for 3 years so they are all still pretty close) so it's not like they don't know anyone, if anything their guest won't know anyone, whatever to each their own I guess

lyndausvi

oliviaester1991 said:

lyndausvi said:

oliviaester1991 said:

I have been reading a few posts on here and a lot state that on your invitation you are supposed to invite your guests significant other by name. We aren't very close with a lot of family on my fiance's family and do not know whether or not they have a significant other, or much less their name. Should i just write "Jane Doe & Guest" on all of them? Also, a couple of my friends that will be invited are single, but I told them that if they wanted to bring a guest I will address the invitation as such. Now I found out they are finding people to bring, like not a boyfriend/girlfriend just a random friend, does anyone find that weird? I meant that they can bring a guest like if they are in a relationship by then, I didn't think they would just be bringing random friends that I don't even know. I'm not going to take their 'and guest' off the invitation though, because it doesn't really matter to me I guess, I'm just wondering how everyone else feels about that.

No I do not.  Although I had an OOT wedding so I understand not wanting to travel alone.   If you are invited to a wedding where you pretty much only know the couple.  People are more comfortable with someone they know.

My BIL took one of SIL's best friends.  SIL brought her other best friend.  So SIL had 2 friends who I never met before (we live OOT).  Didn't bother me in the least.

Yeah, that is the thing I completely understand if they don't really know anyone and don't want to just sit there but it is actually a big group of friends I went to high school with (I've only been out of high school for 3 years so they are all still pretty close) so it's not like they don't know anyone, if anything their guest won't know anyone, whatever to each their own I guess

I hear you, bringing a date to a wedding can be a HUGE deal in certain groups.   Almost like a sign of seriousness.     I often why the date would want to come? Not something I would agree to,  but as you said, each to their own. 

ktjanesmom

My son and his fiance are planning on giving all singles a plus one and this is to the detriment of inviting extended family.   They could possibly end up having many random people there instead of family members they cannot invite because of numbers. I guess if your budget allows for it, invite whom ever you want but please don't leave off family members because you feel it necessary to give singles a plus one. 

Viczaesar

ktjanesmom said:

My son and his fiance are planning on giving all singles a plus one and this is to the detriment of inviting extended family.   They could possibly end up having many random people there instead of family members they cannot invite because of numbers. I guess if your budget allows for it, invite whom ever you want but please don't leave off family members because you feel it necessary to give singles a plus one. 

Unless you value giving your single friends a guest more than you value the presence of extended family members.  There is nothing wrong with making that choice.

MobKaz

ktjanesmom said:

My son and his fiance are planning on giving all singles a plus one and this is to the detriment of inviting extended family.   They could possibly end up having many random people there instead of family members they cannot invite because of numbers. I guess if your budget allows for it, invite whom ever you want but please don't leave off family members because you feel it necessary to give singles a plus one. 

If they are paying for their wedding, then that is their prerogative.  If making their close friends comfortable by extending them the courtesy of bringing a guest, versus inviting a relative with which they have little to no relationship, I can understand that logic as well.  Being a family member does not automatically make that relationship more important than that of a friend.  I would also think that if these are close friends, then the guest brought would not be completely random.  I would guess they run in the same social circles for the most part.

hyechica81

this is how i am addresing the invites and std Mr and mrs john doe  if they are married

if in a relationship mr john doe or jane doe  and whoever the women or mans  name is

if they are not in a relationship ms jane doe or mr john doe

there is one friend of mine who is not in a relationship but i am allowing her to bring a guest so hers will say ms jane doe and guest