Dear Prudence,
My wife and I have two wonderful children, "Rebekah" and "Robbie." They have always been close and share many of the same friends. Both are living at home while attending a local college. Rebekah is very popular and has many platonic male friends, but she has developed a real crush on a young man in her class, "Jason.” Recently, my wife and I returned home after a night out, and I went to check on Robbie who has a room in the basement. I was startled to find him and Jason lying on his bed, kissing and undressing each other. I was not seen and left quietly. My wife told me that Rebekah was asleep in her bedroom upstairs, and I muttered to my wife that Robbie was home. A few days later I returned home early to the sounds of two men having sex in the basement. I got into my car and took a long drive. When I got back, Rebekah had just arrived and she and Robbie and Jason were in the kitchen fixing a snack. I love my son and will always support him, but there are several issues. First, my wife will be unhappy to learn our son is gay. Robbie is an adult and it's not my place to tell her, but she will eventually find out. Also, we do not tolerate sexual activity in the house, regardless of sexual orientation, so there can't be a double standard with Robbie. I will have to tell him, and he will know that I know. Most important, I fear Rebekah will be hurt, and I don't want this development to damage the close relationship she and her brother have always had. What should I do?