Future In-Laws over inviting...How to handle it in a graceful way

eernst1

So my future in-laws are going overboard with the inviting, the max capacity of our hall is 270, and we have already sent out our save the dates to 330 people.   I feel slightly better that the wedding is this memorial day weekend so we're not expecting 100% attendance, and we have a lot of out of town guests we know will not be coming.   But none-the-less, my future in laws and fiance do not seem concerned at all, and every couple weeks keep remembering another couple they forgot on the initial list.   I've told them we can't add anyone else nicely, but they aren't listening.   I know this is supposed to be a very happy time for us, and I really love his family, but they just have a lot of friends....  I know lots of people go through this, any advice?

FutureMrsN3312

I have this fight with my FI and FMIL what feels like every other week. Last week they sent out an additional 5 STDs behind my back. Let's just say Monday night was anything but peaceful. I recommend sticking to your guns and tell them you can't accomidate any additional guests. Sending out more STDs then what your venue can hold is a very risky move. Rule of thumb is to anticipate 100% attendance.

pumpkinsandturkeys

I had one or two... discussions... with my mother early on in our engagement, once we decided that we wanted a very, very small wedding. We decided to only invite immediate family, the couple of friends who basically are family, my grandparents, and one or two aunts and uncles of mine (FI doesn't have living grandparents, and his extended family is all over in Europe).

What this meant was cutting out my dad's sister who lives across the country, and my mother's two brothers whom I haven't seen in 10+ years (her sister is being invited). My mother lost her shit (for lack of a better word) and lectured me about how my grandmother was going to be upset that her sons weren't coming, and how I can't just not invite family, etc.

I had to put my foot down, knowing it was an unpopular decision, for the sake of the wedding I know that FI and I both want. I calmly told her multiple times that my wedding was not a reunion for people who haven't seen each other in years, and as nice as it would be to have everyone who has ever known us, it's just not realistic and also not fair to us. I stuck to my guns, and she finally came around and saw my way of thinking.

If your FILs want to host some type of gathering later on for you that includes all of their friends to announce you as a married couple and celebrate that, by all means, go for it. But you need to let them know that you're already way over capacity, and you simply can't invite anyone else to the wedding. It doesn't mean that you don't love and respect them -- they simply need to love and respect you right now.

dluberts

My dad is trying to pull this on me, make me feel kinda guilty about who I haven't invited that he wants me to. My venue can hold at max 110 guests, he added to my list 10 people last night which puts me at 100. I do not want wall to wall seating and no room for dancing. SO i had to tell him flat out, I'm sorry but we just don't have the room to accomodate them. He wants me to invite people I haven't seen or talked to in ten plus years, it's like, these are your friends not mine. And if i do invite them, we probably won't talk for another 20 years  afterwords. There are people I am friends with,that I talk to, that I would like to invite more then the people he wants me to. Example: he wants me to invite my stepmother's 2 brother's and 2 kids and 2 girlfriends and my stepmoms parents.This is what I hear,"I think it would be really nice if you invited them, they would come" ,"there boys really love dinosaurs(our venue is a museum with full dino fossils)" "make sure you invite family before friends becasue family is more important" So after that long story, point is, I held my guns, and said, I don't have room.And I'm in control of the guest list and invites so they can't be sneaky behind my back.

chibiyui

Make sure you have control of the STD's and invites. None go out without you knowing it. calmly and firmly state that you are over Max capacity for your venue, and you can literally (and probably legally) not accommodate any additional guests. Talk to you venue and see what they say about being over capacity. Your FI wouldn't want 10 guests to go without food. Or to not have a seat.