Vows During Reception?

mrsbanany

FI and I are getting married in the Catholic church and I just learned that you cannot say your own vows, you must say the ones that the church provides.  This is a little upsetting to me since I wanted us to say our own vows. I even suggested giving a very brief personal statement after we said the traditional vows but it was a no.  Does anyone have any suggestions about how we can include them during the reception or would that just be really strange?

manateehugger

Really strange and boring, sorry. You could give each other a brief toast (30 seconds absolute max), but I wouldn't even do that if I were you. 

What about writing out short vows and sending them over to your FI on the morning of the wedding as an alternative?

mrsbanany

I thought about that and if we can't think of something that is probably what we will do.  But we write each other love notes and everything all the time, I just think there is something really special about professing your love for each other, in your own words, in front of your friends and family on your wedding day. 

manateehugger

You will be professing your love when you say the traditional vows. Just because they are traditional doesn't make them any less romantic. I'll be honest and say that I dislike personal vows 90% of the time I hear them because they often end up being really long soppy love letters (i.e. I loved you from the first minute when we did ________) than actual vows (i.e. I promise to ________). There's a reason "for better or worse" has stuck around so long. 

I mean, you can do the reception vows, but I think it will be odd for your guests, and I think some of the moment will be lost since you will already be married by that point. I think notes to each other on the day of your wedding will be much more significant than your everyday letters, simply because that will be the promise-filled love letter you gave him the day you became his wife. 

emmyg65

Everything about your wedding is a public profession of your love and commitment. I love the idea of writing love letters to each other on the morning of your wedding. Then you can keep the letters forever as a keepsake!

AddieCake

I would find it awkward to sit through that at the reception. 

Jen4948

AddieL73 said:

I would find it awkward to sit through that at the reception. 

Co-signed.  I'm sorry the Church won't let you say your own vows during the ceremony, but if you do that at the reception, having already said vows that unite you in marriage, it's going to come off like verbal PDA.  It's best saved for when you are in private.

vt&dt

Ditto PPs. 

I'd feel awkward listening to that at the reception.  I am also a lover of the traditional vows.  Like @PDKH said, there's a reason they've been around forever and are so commonly used.

MairePoppy

Jen4948 said:

AddieL73 said:

I would find it awkward to sit through that at the reception. 

Co-signed.  I'm sorry the Church won't let you say your own vows during the ceremony, but if you do that at the reception, having already said vows that unite you in marriage, it's going to come off like verbal PDA.  It's best saved for when you are in private.

Worse than that. It could come off like the first vows weren't quite good enough.

doeydo

Is getting married in the church more important to you than saying your own vows? 

mrsbanany

I grew up with the church so it would be nice but I'm not set with it but it is a non-negotiable for my FI.  

I am in no way against the vows of the church. I really do like them and if I could create my own ceremony, I would probably say them anyway and then include a BRIEF personal statement afterwards.  When I say brief I mean like 3-4 sentences. Just wondering though, is this how people feel about writing vows in general or just when said at the reception because it is after we are married?  

MairePoppy

I have no objection to a couple writing and saying their own vows, during the actual wedding ceremony. Saying vows at the reception is superfluous. 

hellohkb

Is your FH really against a ceremony at the reception space and hiring a Christian officiant to marry you? That way, you can have your custom vows but the vows aren't during the reception. I think you said it's non-negotiable with him, but just wanted to ask and make sure that's what you meant.

hellohkb

Sorry,I misread what you said. Could you add your custom vow to a program? Or add it on a card and use it as decor in the reception hall (on your card table,cake table,etc).

CLI242009

amandaj424 - I had this same EXACT problem. I was crushed when we did our first meeting with our priest and found out we could only do sacramental vows. I was not raised Catholic, baptized and that's it. FI also said he needed a Catholic ceremony, so I was in the same boat as you.

I don't know if this is your church's rule or your priest's rule but we spoke to our priest again (the first meeting was brief and short) and he was completely fine with us saying personal vows AFTER we say the sacramental vows.

Our priest literally said 'As long as I get from you guys what I (the church) needs then I'm okay with anything after that." So after we say our sacramental vows and exchange rings, he's going to say something like "x has a tradition in her family where you exchange leis in celebration. So x and x would like to say a few words to each other while they celebrate this tradition"

We are doing a lei exchange as we say our personal vows to each other.

Our priest and the church is completely fine with this. So maybe talk to him?