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Moms and Maids

MOB Issues

I became engaged on Christmas Eve, and immediately dove into wedding planning with my mom. Initially, it was great....the most we have ever gotten along. But yesterday, that ended. She started swearing that I had told her the opposite of what colors I had picked, and became mad. She yanked up everything that she had bought, and said that she's taking it all back. Now she's refusing to help anymore, and won't speak to me. I'm just hurt, because I really want the next few months to be special, not a constant battle with my mom, and me winding up in tears. Has anyone else had isssues like this? How did you handle it??

Re: MOB Issues

  • Woah, breathe!!! You got engaged barely a week ago.

    First of all, back up and plan your wedding the right way. Set a budget, make up a rough guest list, and start looking for venues and vendors. THEN do all the smaller decorations and colors. How can you even buy stuff when you don't know where your wedding will be?

    Second, who is paying for the wedding? Your mom? 

    Why don't you and your FI discuss what you'd like and then present a united front to your mom?
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    AddieCakeSandK14doeydo
  • I'm a MOB - what has she bought already?
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Another MOB, here. My daughter was engaged for a few years, before she was married, so our planning was slow. We didn't buy anything, at all, until she signed a contract with venue. Did you know your mom was shopping for wedding stuff? 


                       
    AddieCake
  • I somehow hoped that planning a wedding together would make things between us easier. And it did initially. Pretty much right off the bat she started driving me around to bridal shops, we picked out a few dresses, chose colors, booked the venue, completed registries. But since yesterday, she has alternated between not speaking to me, to criticizing my choices. 

    She fortunately had only purchased a dress for my grandmother to wear, a dress for my cousin, and a few bolts of ribbon. It's mostly just the fact that she was so hurtful about it all.

    I did discuss it with my FI, and we are going to proceed, and leave the invitation for her to join in the process at whatever point she chooses.



  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    SandK14 said:
    I somehow hoped that planning a wedding together would make things between us easier. And it did initially. Pretty much right off the bat she started driving me around to bridal shops, we picked out a few dresses, chose colors, booked the venue, completed registries. But since yesterday, she has alternated between not speaking to me, to criticizing my choices. 

    She fortunately had only purchased a dress for my grandmother to wear, a dress for my cousin, and a few bolts of ribbon. It's mostly just the fact that she was so hurtful about it all.

    I did discuss it with my FI, and we are going to proceed, and leave the invitation for her to join in the process at whatever point she chooses.



    Your mother is not going to magically change permanently just because you are getting married.  Remember that as it will help you throughout your planning.  Is your mother paying for the wedding at all?  If the answer is no, then you don't need her to help you with any of the planning. If your mom doesn't know about your wedding plans, she cannot criticize them.
    doeydo
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Ditto PPs about your wedding not magically mending any relationships.  Also, I think you need to relax a little bit on the wedding planning.  You just got engaged.
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    AddieCake
  • scribe95 said:
    You did all that in a 10-day span with several holidays in there? SLOW DOWN.

    You picked a venue? Did you see one? Did your FI see it? Same with registries - was he involved in any of this?
    Yeah, this. How the heck did you manage to do all this in 10 days? Did you even set a budget or guest list? And where is your FI in all this??? Who is paying?

    Otherwise, sorry, your mother is not going to change because you're getting married. If anything, weddings make people MORE ridiculous. Honestly, you might regret your open invitation if she's always like this. 
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    AddieCakeOliveOilsMomdoeydoRebeccaB88
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    You should never assume weddings or wedding planning will bond people or bring people together or mend relationships, or whatever. 

    And I, too, am very confused on how so much allegedly got looked at and bought in just over a week with Christmas Day and New Year's Eve/Day part of the time frame. Y'all need to slow down b/c it appears you missed some steps in the planning process. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    doeydo
  • Thanks, friends. Took time to think and talk to my FI. New plan is to savor being engaged between now and June. Mom's job is now to just show up, if she chooses.

    Budget, venue, etc was pre-discussed in the weeks before we became "officially" engaged, so that's why it was so easy to finalize decisions.  But y'all are right, we do need to slow down and enjoy each step. 

    Focusing on the positive, ignoring the negative.
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    When are you getting married?  Since you have a venue, I presume you have a date?  I got my venue within a month of being engaged. We looked at the first venue 5 days after getting engaged, so getting the venue early isn't too much of a problem, as long as your FI is on the same page as you. 

    You and your FI should be doing a lot of those things together, not you and your mom. I don't know why she would care that much what your colors are. And what is the opposite of colors?  It sounds like your mom is a little off, and other posters are correct, she is not going to change.
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  • June 7th, with ceremony and reception at our church. The color disagreement was that I want sage green with light pink accents, and she wanted the reverse- light pink with sage green accents. 

    But yes, FI and I are the ones doing the planning from here on out. 
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    SandK14 said:
    June 7th, with ceremony and reception at our church. The color disagreement was that I want sage green with light pink accents, and she wanted the reverse- light pink with sage green accents. 

    But yes, FI and I are the ones doing the planning from here on out. 
    Not her wedding, not her decision. Good luck!
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