Thought I wanted to elope...

SusanK88

Hi everyone!  Been lurking for quite some time, thought I would finally post a discussion.  

I got engaged to my bf of 2.5 years on December 31.  The proposal was perfect!  I was having a crappy day, one of my 4 dogs had destroyed a pair of shoes the night before, didn't want to go out for NYE, blahblahblah.  So I am whining and moaning, and Aaron tells me to go look at what he got for Frankie, our foster dog.  Now, let me tell you, I LOVE Frankie.  He had a major injury and we fostered him through an orthopedic surgery, recovery and rehab.  I am thinking - "Oh yay, he got Frank a name tag and so we are keeping him".  There was in fact a new tag on Frankie's collar and it said "Will you marry me?"  I turned around and he was holding the ring and I just lost my mind.  Started crying and saying "what" over and over (not sure why I was doing that, haha), shaking, the whole 9 yards.  Finally made it to saying "yes", and that was the only intelligible word out of my mouth for about 15 minutes.  I was a little surprised, to say the very least.  

On that note, I have realized something.  Before we were actually engaged, I thought I wanted to elope and not fool with any kind of a ceremony at all.  I have a couple good friends who have gotten married recently and it just seemed like SO MUCH work and stress and planning, and I don't deal with stress well.  However, now that we are actually engaged, all I can think about is a ceremony.  Nothing huge, nothing crazy, but a wedding nonetheless.  I told my poor FH this and he gave me that "why are women so fickle" look and said we will do whatever makes me happy.  But I want him to be happy as well, and I worry that he will do whatever I want.  

Anyone else go through something similar?

cupcait927

I'm the opposite. Before I got engaged I always thought I'd want the traditional wedding with ceremony and reception, the whole shebang. But now that I'm getting into the planning, I don't want to do it. FI and I have been so wishy washy about the whole thing, not really feeling it (the planning that is - we're not planning people or big party people) and we talk about just eloping but we know it would absolutely break his mom's heart (and I adore her so it's out of the question, even though my parents would be completely supportive). It doesn't help that I keep changing my mind on what I want. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if we threw in the towel and just eloped sometime between now and September, regardless of anyone's feelings. My mom has offered to help pay for part of the wedding and FI are saving as well and the more I'm hearing about destination weddings, the more I almost want FI and I to go somewhere warm and tropical and get married, just the two of us.

pinkcow13

Awesome proposal story!!! Congrats on your engagement, it sounds perfect!  Haha well you have time to discuss things and plan a wedding you both want. Have a talk with him and see what it is that you both want. Stress to him that this is his day also, and you don't want him doing whatever makes you happy, but whatever makes him happy as well. Congrats again, and happy planning!

climbingsingle

First off, congrats! That is a really sweet proposal. 

I did go through something similar. FI wanted to have the ceremony hanging off the side of a cliff (we're big into rock climbing). AT first, I was on board and I thought it sounded really cool and original. However, once I bought my dress, I realized that I really wanted to walk down an aisle. And I really want to be able to have all of our friends and family members present for the ceremony. 

Also, this is my second wedding. I always thought if I did it again, I'd elope. Obviously that's completely changed too. It happens :-) 

JennyColada

Haha. Your proposal reaction sounds similar to mine: crying and "oh my god" for 10 minutes. I was in such a state that I never even heard him say "will you marry me?" (Darn! I demand a re-do! Lol!).

I really love the idea of a tiny wedding (I mean, I'd never feel comfortable with hundreds of people seeing my overly-emotional reaction that's anything like my proposal reaction!).

Belthil

Congrats on being engaged! I think his proposal was super sweet. My H had a whole list of what he wanted to say before asking me but he forgot it all in the moment and quietly asked if I would marry him. Neither one of us can tell you if I said yes because we were both so excited.

You and your FI need to sit down and talk about what you are and are not comfortable with in regards to your wedding. Good luck with whatever you two decide to do.

WinstonsGirl

Congratulations, and welcome to the boards.  DH wanted to elope, but I really wanted close friends and family.  We compromised on a small ceremony (though I didn't want big), and went away, which really helped cut down numbers.  He didn't want to be the center of attention.  Though after it was done, he said he was glad we actually did a small ceremony and that we didn't elope.  Talk to your FI and maybe do something small.  We had a package deal through our hotel, so a lot of the decisions were "roses or tropical flowers" kind of decisions, and then we could pick a few things like out cake through private vendors.  It gave us a taste of planning without having to do the whole she-bang.  Everything the hotel did turned out beautifully  

SusanK88

I have been trying to talk about it with my FI and he always changes the topic... I am just so dang excited I want to talk about it and get everything figured out, so we can move forward with picking a date, figuring out a budget etc.  He REALLY wanted a ceremony up until April of last year.  His grandmother passed away then and she was the only person he really cared about having at his wedding.  I know it will all work out.  I just feel ditzy for being all "wedding planning is lame, let's elope".  And then I get a ring on my finger and I go all "yay wedding planning!"  I feel like a cat - "Let me out the door.  Now let me back in.  Now pet me.  Now stop.  Now let me back out."

pumpkinsandturkeys

Before FI, I always thought I wanted an average-sized wedding -- not huge, but not teeny tiny. Once I was with the person I knew I wanted to marry, all of the big wedding fuss didn't seem like such as big of a deal, and it didn't feel like the right fit. He wanted something larger initially, but after discussing both sides and our rationale for it, we agreed that 30 - 35 people is perfect for us.

My brother always wanted a small wedding, but was willing to compromise for his FI, who wanted something larger. After about 2 years of putting it on hold while they decided, they found out they were having twins. 7 months in, she realized that she didn't want or need the big wedding -- she just wanted to marry him before their babies were born. So they ended up eloping just before Easter and had the ceremony in their home, with one friend as a witness. They don't regret it at all.

jdluvr06

When we first got engaged I wanted a huge wedding and FI agreed so we started saving. Five years later and several mini-dramas later we decided to take half that money and have a small-ish ceremony with only family and close friends. Our guest list is 85 and it is going to be really casual. The other half of the money were going to use to buy a bigger house so we can start a family.

KeptInStitches

I can't help you much, but congratulations on your engagement!

Jells2dot0

Congrats! When I got engaged to my first husband, all I wanted to do was elope. However, my family thought otherwise and offered to pay for a traditional wedding, so I went along with it. It was a great wedding, but I always had my doubts. When I got engaged to my now DH, we immediately knew we were going to elope, so we did just that. We got married in Australia, just the two of us, and almost no one knew. We don't regret it at all. My advice is to follow your gut and your heart. Do what makes you comfortable and what you and your DH is best for your situation! Weddings don't have to be stressful and a lot of work. Some people make it that way because they think they need the best of the best and that everything MUST go right. Not to sound corny, but all you need is love

AddieCake

We wanted to elope, but my dad would have been crushed, so we compromised with a relatively simple wedding. I ended up being glad we didn't elope after all.